AIBU to give up trying to get toddler in a pram?

[AnnaCBi]

My toddler is intensely wilful and extremely strong. She’s not yet 2, but I physically cannot get her in the pram when she doesn’t want to. I have hired a sleep/ behaviour consultant (originally was for sleep, But her behaviour has got really tricky recently) who simply can’t understand how I cannot get her in. She will be coming to see, but for now she says ‘I’ve never not been able to get a child in a pram in 40 years’. Even with my husband helping we cannot do it. Am I unreasonable for thinking this to be impossible and give up? I try so hard. It is also entirely on her whim as to whether I can change her nappy, it’s so so tricky! When she runs away I cannot pin her down to do it. So should I give up? Am I unreasonable to think I need to just find other ways to leave the house?

Not disabled, pregnant, but still reasonably capable. I just can’t carry her far cos of PGP.

we can restrain her as in stop her moving, or move her somewhere else, but wrestling her into the pram straps is almost beyond us. We have done it, but I worry I’m hurting her cos she twists and screams and gags.

Mmm that's tricky OP, not sure what to suggest as I had to get my DD by brute force into her pram once and it really didn't sit right with me.
If she hates it so much, do you have any understanding as to why?
If it is that she would rather walk, I would stick with walking or one of these little bikes with extra wheels where you can strap them up and steer the bike. It might not be as convenient as a pram but at least you get the safety (helmet, straps and co) + you doing to steering.

Or a toddler sling if that's okay with you, had it with DD and it's brilliant.

Don't make it a choice.

Just explain what she needs to do and that if she doesn't you will help her.

Make sure straps are long, put pushchair back against a wall with the brakes on. Have it all ready to go.

Approach from the side, wrap one hand securely around the front traping arms down, the other under the bum. Place in chair if she stiffens up do a firm but gentle almost karate chop. Then use your knee / leg to brace while you buckle her in.

Force her but gently basically.

I agree the trike might work well. I wasn’t using a pushchair much at nearly 2 (I know if you don’t drive you will of course.) My ten month old isn’t particularly fond of the pushchair, she will tolerate it if moving but gets very restless and twists and squirms after a while which is stressful. I don’t massively like using brute force. Obviously at times you have to but it isn’t my first choice.

Thanks, the wall tip is a good one!

she arches her back, so I’m going to try using my knee!

I do drive, and do quite a bit at the moment. I feel horribly lazy as we live in London, so it usually takes longer to drive! It’s also expensive to park! It’s easier to get her into the car seat cos it’s higher up and I can tighten the straps at the same time while still holding her. Whereas the pram it’s one arm at a time and by the time move tightened one the other is out and she’s twisted over.

Have you thought about 1 of those long handled push alongs or is the nursery too far away for that ?

@AnnaCBi is there a reason you absolutely need to put her in a pram? Would a trike work for you? Its basically the same. I'm all for being the adult who decides and not letting a 2 year old decide for you but mentions of using knees etc to force your DD into a pram seems a bit much, it might not sit right with you, she might had valid reasons to hate it that she cant fully verbalise yet. Obv its up to you but if she wants to walk or another mode of transport, wheres the harm is enabling that.

My eldest was like this I drove a lot. I also used a sling sometimes. For him I had one that could do a hip carry - not for a long period but just for a bit which was useful. Or I went places where the bus stopped very close to where I needed to be.

we also did standing changes for nappies.

I also have a YoYo. And as you say you’ve managed it when you had to so you know it is doable. I’m sure no one is judging you at nursery, they have kids the same age so they will get it. I’ve definitely been there many times leaving the playground! DS was also a nightmare for changes so we potty trained at 22 months, he wanted control so we ran with that and it worked.

Is your child super bright? She's running rings around you, brings back so many memories of my daughter. Every nappy change a fight from 5 months. Every bedtime tricky. Every meal, yes I was too soft.

She simply refused to wear nappies at 20 months and that was her "toilet trained", I had no input! As far as getting your daughter into the pram, ask her to help you. She'll probably understand and comply to help you out.

I’ve tried the trike and scooter, issue I’ve found is that there is no space for shopping, so if she refuses I’m stuck whereas with the pram I can push the pram and hold her/ her hand.

I don’t think she has a valid reason. It’s a lovely pram with a sheepskin lining so v comfy- I think it’s a control thing cos sometimes she’s fine! It’s very hit and miss.

i do try to let her walk when i can! Tbh if it was just me I’d not push the pram issue, but my husband has to do drop off and he has to use the pram (time pressure, also rain is an issue a lot!) whereas when I do it on my days off I’m not under pressure and I also have the car (I take it to work). So I feel like if I don’t keep trying with them pram I’m making it harder for him.

@AnnaCBi fair enough, 2 year old can be VeRY stubborn :)

@AnnaCBi

I know she shouldn’t be in charge, I just don’t know how to make her do what I want!

Sorry OP, the only way is to toughen up. She knows you're both soft. I can guarantee you my nearly 3 year old boy is stronger than her and I can physically handle him if I need to.

If your child's life depended on it you'd find the strength to bodily pin her down. You can force her in the pram and strap her down. You just aren't.

Now if you don't want to do that, that's fine (although personally I think it's important my son knows I can physically bundle him where he needs to go even though I don't. I think being able to keep a physical hold of your child is an important skill to start developing) but in that case you need her to know that you are more stubborn than she is and she does what you say end of story.

An example: you say she doesn't always let you brush her teeth. I don't wrestle my son to do that because I don't like that association of fighting to brush his teeth. If she refuses you shut yourself in a room with her and wait it out. Have a mirror and favourite book there ready and wait. No toys. No other books. Nothing. Keep repeating "we can read a bedtime story after you've brushed your teeth." I'm the queen of waiting. My son always gets bored before I do. He lets us brush his teeth no problem because he knows it's two minutes rather than a half hour of waiting to see if mummy will cave. I never do.

I can’t get my now 3 year old in her pram haven’t been able to since she was 18 months old. She’s massive, autistic and heavy and when in full meltdown cannot be held down/ Put in buggy etc so if it happens we can’t go out as she can’t walk far . Absolute nightmare . I have no good advice . We sometimes manage with bribery about one in every 10 attempts

I think you should try making her laugh. Tickle her, talk in a funny voice, say something daft. If she's laughing she can't be fighting and going rigid, and you can quickly whip the straps round her and buckle up.

I don't think this is a helpful thing to say.

You'd be able to do it if it was a matter of life and death. Of course you can, you're stronger than her. But it shouldn't really be about brute strength.

Someone posted about pram toys up thread - I just remembered those! We got given some shopkins dd really loved, I kept them in reserve as pram toys and only pram toys. Had pockets full of them :) that might work.

We also used to sometimes wait out a strop of dd refused to walk or get in the pram. Easier said than done.

If you're pregnant, consider a double pram. I thought I could do without but newborn plus tantrumming toddler changed my mind promptly!

Is she the hulk? My boy is two and big but he still gets put in the pushchair even if it looks a wrestling match. Changing a nappy is also non negotiable. Maybe get her to hold to cream. You just need to get on with. Don't want a nappy change? Tough! I have a feeling you are going to be in for a shock when she is older.