To think being single is amazing!

[Cantrememberasongname]

I am not discrediting others' experiences at all because I know many people can find being single very lonely. People miss having that person to tell stuff, to come home to and the dual income.

It hasn't been that long, but I honestly don't see why I'd want to be in another relationship, and I am 33. First of all, I'm sick of being told it's good to let men chase, have to play hard to get and so on.

I think I'm great and my self-worth shouldn't come from whether some man deems me attractive enough or not.

My time and money are my own. I am in control of everything, I don't have to compromise on every detail.
I don't have to hear unsolicited opinions on how I should wear my hair, or what I should wear. I don't have to worry about someone cheating, physically and/or emotionally.
I don't have to worry about someone suddenly leaving or getting bored or whatever.

It's so freeing and I wish there wasn't such a pressure on people to couple. If most of your friends are coupled up it's always like 'aww you'll meet someone!" And you're looked at with pity.

Does anyone else agree on this point ?
All the men I dated in my 20s were ridiculously immature tbh. So far I haven't dated any men over 30.

Well I'm glad you feel happy! I would argue that all those things don't have to happen in a relationship though.
Apart from maybe the money being discussed sometimes. I don't worry about cheating and my DP doesn't tell me how to do my hair or what to wear.

I'm sorry you haven't had good experiences.

Yes! I’ve been single for 3 years now (lone parent) and honestly I’d have to be paid a shit ton of money to ever properly date a man. Or he’d have to be literally perfect.

Lots of my friends can’t understand how I cope with parenting alone, when in reality raising one actual child instead of having to live with a man that basically doubles my work is so freeing.

Thank you!
I'm glad that you have what sounds like a much better experience.
I've found it hard to find someone who aligns in most ways, there's always so much compromise.

Oh I'm with you. I love it.
I'm not completely against meeting someone but I'll never live with anyone again. I like my life the way it is.
Been single since 2018.

Same here! No intentions of living with someone again. It's a shame how some people always pity those that are single.

I've been single for several years and the thing I'm beginning to find difficult is that the world operates in couples. Everyone I know who was single at the same time as me has now coupled up. They are all off at the weekends doing things with their partners and with other couples, so I don't tend to get an invitation. My kids are growing up now and I can see that in ten years time my life could feel very empty.

Telling you how to style your hair and what to wear are massive red flags tbf. That said I’m long term single and definitely prefer coming home to my own space than to another person. I’ve spent all day talking to people damn it 😂

Yes I agree with you, everybody else seems to be coupled up and seems to think this is the only way you can operate.

There's always the token single friend in rom coms who's portrayed as desperate to find a man and eternally unlucky.

Really interested in this thread. Can I ask how old you all are? I’ve been on my own since 2017 (but with children at home, who provide lots of conversation, sense of purpose etc). Am wondering what it’ll be like when they leave home. I’m now 54.

I do feel sad though that my view of relationships is so negative. I was in a 20-year relationship and was pretty miserable for most of that time. I’d be sad if I got to the end of my life without having had a happy relationship. On the other hand, life with fulfilling work, lots of good friends and very good relationships with my children and wider family means that I’m not usually thinking about a romantic relationship.

Yanbu op.
It's lovely.
There are plenty of people about though who simply can't understand that one can be happy single, and ironically, that sympathy sigh can come AFTER they've just ranted about the latest shit thing their bloke has done whilst you've not had anything negative to contribute!

I’ve been single since 2016 and would never live with anyone again. One friend asks me if I’m dating and when I say no remarks that I could change my mind, unlikely after 8 years of blissful peace!

Im glad you are happy op.

But i also hope (and not in a pitying poor you way) that you one day meet a decent kind man who loves you the way you deserve. A good relationship makes life easier. A bad one makes it all much harder. I hope you find a good one soon.

Thank you. I just like believe us women can exist without needing a relationship, even with a decent man!

Disagree. A relationship, even a good one, doesn't necessarily make life easier. I can't think of a single positive thing that a relationship would bring to my life. It's very dependent on the individual.

I'm in my 60s and I've been single for more than 30 years. Looking back, I can see that I hated being in relationships - they made me feel claustrophobic and trapped, and they never worked for me. I'm just not cut out for that degree of intimacy and involvement in every aspect of someone's life. Yes, there have been times it's been lonely, and times when dealing with everything on my own (including no-one to share key milestones in my own and my children's lives) has been tough. Sometimes I wish I was the sort of person who flourishes in a relationship, but I'm not.

I've found that the sympathy and pity has diminished as I've got older, and as more and more people around me find themselves living single lives through choice or circumstance: in the last ten years, as my friendship circle ages with me, more and more people have been through marriage break-ups or, sadly, one partner dying, so there are far more single people around me than when I was OP's age. If I had my time again, I wouldn't do it differently.

I was single, well no serious relationships, for about 10 years between my late 20s and 30s and I look back on this time as one where I was really happy. For all the reasons you stated below. I think every woman should have a few years of being single, live on their own and realise that actually it isn't scary or a failure. It can be a time where you realise your own self worth and understand you CAN have a wonderful life without being part of a couple. I'm married now to someone I don't feel I have to compromise with, who respects and loves me, but I also know if anything going to wrong, or I'm no longer happy, I will happily live on my own and not need a man to make my life complete. It's a very liberating feeling

No, no,no!!!

This is the type I was talking about!!

Can you really not understand that for SOME people, their PERFECT life is being single.

14 years single here, op, and no intention of ever changing that!

Life is so much easier when you don't have to think for two.

I was widowed just over two years ago - don't panic, I'm not going to do the obvious, because frankly I'm now in agreement with the OP.

Don't get me wrong, my late DP was the absolute love of my life and I would have happily trundled into our twilight years together. I miss him immeasurably.

However, now that I'm finally sorting out the wreckage of his untimely demise, emotionally, financially and practically, the thought of entertaining a new relationship turns my blood cold.

I'm 55 so I'm hardly top of the list of desirable females, and actually I don't give two figs what anyone thinks of me.

I've always been in relationships or married, so I'm actually thinking hold on - I can do whatever I like (elderly parent issues notwithstanding).

I wouldn't have chosen this but as I have no choice, my future is going to be mostly about me - my security, my well-being, my interests, my cat lol.

I could, possibly, entertain the idea of a companion to squire me around at some point, as my widowed Mum did, but anything more than casual friendship is off the table.

I'm just at the beginning of this new chapter in my life, and I absolutely do not want another script writer getting in on the act.

Anyway, just thought I'd chime in with my new tribe and high five you all. It may not be quite "amazing" for me yet, but by the Gods I will try to make it so. I've been Miss Haversham and now I'm feeling a bit more Gentleman Jack if that makes any sense - with a dash of Polly from Peaky Blinders lol.

Genuinely not sure if this is a joke.

Please don't pity me I'm fine 🤣 having a partner when younger absolutely does not guarantee having companionship in old age.
I used to work in elderly care and the vast majority were widows. One woman was 100 and had been a widow for 50 years!

You can pity me all you like, I don't particularly want it though 🤣