To think being single is amazing!

[Cantrememberasongname]

I am not discrediting others' experiences at all because I know many people can find being single very lonely. People miss having that person to tell stuff, to come home to and the dual income.

It hasn't been that long, but I honestly don't see why I'd want to be in another relationship, and I am 33. First of all, I'm sick of being told it's good to let men chase, have to play hard to get and so on.

I think I'm great and my self-worth shouldn't come from whether some man deems me attractive enough or not.

My time and money are my own. I am in control of everything, I don't have to compromise on every detail.
I don't have to hear unsolicited opinions on how I should wear my hair, or what I should wear. I don't have to worry about someone cheating, physically and/or emotionally.
I don't have to worry about someone suddenly leaving or getting bored or whatever.

It's so freeing and I wish there wasn't such a pressure on people to couple. If most of your friends are coupled up it's always like 'aww you'll meet someone!" And you're looked at with pity.

Does anyone else agree on this point ?
All the men I dated in my 20s were ridiculously immature tbh. So far I haven't dated any men over 30.

I'm not a big fan of being single myself. But I want to be like these ladies who have embraced it. Surely that's something we should encourage rather than people saying things like, 'I pity you.'

Sometimes people when in a relationship think they are 'safe' from anything bad. Relationships and marriages can end for many reasons. Being able to embrace being single whether you choose it or it happens to you is an important thing we should encourage.

I agree.

I think more and more women are realising that being in a relationship isn't some holy grail like it's made out to be.

Last time I was long term single I decided to date and looking back I shouldn't have. I should have just plowed even more time into my already good health and social life. Coming out of that relationship I am now resolutely single. Being in a relationship always costs me too much personally, whereas single I thrive.

Yes, but I can decide to go on holiday with DS to a destination of my choice whenever I want. I can paint my living room whatever colour I want.

You could be in the best relationship in the world but when it comes to big life choices, finances, etc you have to discuss these things with your partner. Or at least you would do in a healthy respectful relationship!

I don't want to do that. All decisions in my life are mine and mine alone.

That's fine that you feel that way, but the issue is when people try and tell us that we can't possibly be happy being single because they're not. We're all different. I totally understand that some people are happier in a relationship and I respect that.

How about the physical side of a relationship? If that aspect of things matters to a person it can be a huge driver to couple up, I think. I miss the intimacy that comes from knowing a person really well in that way, and feeling known by them.

Unfortunately I don't have much hope that I can easily find that again.

I think your relief is specific to the negative relationship you were in.

That said singledom can be liberating

I can go on holiday with DS wherever i want to, why wouldn't I?
I can even go alone, or with DH - and I personally prefer to go with another adult, but I take the kids alone occasionally.

I am not with someone I fundamentally disagree with, we are on the same page - or we wouldn't be together in the first place - I don't think the colour of the living room has ever been a discussion.

On the other hand, I can ask for someone's opinion, I have someone with a different view sometimes and it's so much easier when dealing with the kids.

My life is much easier being in a relationship, and I am happier.

Again, I couldn't care less if someone else is single or not. I don't list all the things I think are wrong about being single - because frankly I don't care - and I don't agree when someone is trying to make a list of the things that must be a negative in my life. They are not.

I was single from 27-35 and for the most part loved it and had a great time! The last couple of years I had more of a yearning to meet someone, settle down and have a family which luckily ended up happening, but those single years were awesome! I thrived at work, had a great social life and upgraded my house twice!

Wow, thank you for your honesty @dollandstep - I've long wondered why it's acceptable for people to ask me (38, ten years single by choice, childfree by choice) when I'm going to settle down and find someone, but for me to ask someone who's already married when they're going to get rid of their partner and settle into happy singlehood would be totally taboo/the height of rudeness.

I've had two great long term relationships and am still in touch with them both but am happiest single - and it took me some time to get my head round this because societal conditioning is strong!

Have a read of Bella DePaulo, @Cantrememberasongname - she's just released a book called single at heart and she researches people like us who are happier single despite society's attempts to convince us that we're somehow faulty for preferring it

I didn't say there was anything wrong with these things or that they were a negative. It's just not something I personally want in my life. It's not a slight on your or your life.

Yes being single is absolutely great for freedom etc but you mentioned you might want a child OP? In which case you absolutely do need to meet the right man (and soon if you’re 33) so you might want to consider being a bit more pro-active in meeting one. Because if you meet the wrong man, have a child and end up being a single parent then that freedom, lack of compromise, spending all your money on yourself, putting yourself first etc that you value so highly is completely gone.

There are many people in sexless marriages or having affairs to meet their sexual needs.

The thing is nothing is guaranteed, you could meet the 'right' man, have a child together and then suddenly they leave. You just have to make the best of what you have.
Even though it's a common thing I find the whole idea of actively seeking a man so I can have a child so depressing.

That's gone whether you meet the 'right' man or not. And noone can guarantee how a man (or women for that matter) will step up to the plate with regards to parenting.

''@MakeTheFriendshipBracelets · Today 08:14
What a shame for you. A person can never be fully content and truly happy when they are single.

I am sure you believe otherwise and will protest it until the cows come home, but nobody wants to be old and lonely, looking back and having nobody.''

Daft...

What you believe is irrelevant.

You just need to read the various comments from women on this thread and accept that it is a fact that many people are happy/happier single.

Just like many people are happy not having kids.

Always strange to me that some people think there is only one way to live your life...

If you really dig into it, there is probably pressure from society and religions because it is believed that people getting married/having kids will mean they are more likely to buy into consumerism, make more docile employees and fulfil some old gender stereotypes.

Whereas women who decide to take a different path and still manage to be happy, well that is 'threatening' for many...

Do you want children OP?

The thing is it's human nature to find a partner to reproduce, that's what our natural instincts tell us to do. I do think changing society is coming away from that and it is (and should be) becoming more accepted if you don't want to be in a relationship or have children.
Honestly though OP it sounds like you just haven't found the right person yet. Of course there is some degree of compromise in a relationship but the way you describe is just a bad relationship, a good relationship doesn't have a lot of those issues.

I totally agree that having children is human nature (largely hormonally driven) but many other things are natural too.

Polyamory is natural in many older societies, including the UK if you go back to pagan times with men and women having many partners and raising children together.

Post natal depression is natural.

Bonding with your baby is natural. So is not bonding with your baby.

@MakeTheFriendshipBracelets you sound very like the poster on the thread about childfree women who said that people who’ve chosen not to have children are inwardly miserable and angry because they know they’ve made the wrong choice…..

Which is interesting given how many women and men secretly and privately regret parenthood.

What a strange and narrow minded take.

I love my husband more than I love being single, BUT objectively single people put more into their friendships and other relationships.

I’ve seen plenty of married people put all their time and energy into their children and partners, then their children fuck off and their partners leave or god forbid, die and they have nothing. Single people are more likely to build better friendship networks as they have the time to do so.

This opinion must be coming from a love struck teenager. I can’t see an adult writing this

Happy for you op, why is anyone pitying her? If your happy enough on your own embrace it. Im married and I like being in a relationship but it's not easy, I sometimes wish I could have my bed all to myself tho 😂

Interesting post. Most people I imagine have wasted time in crap relationships, especially when younger when you are still finding your feet in life, working out who you are or have the experience to establish firm boundaries, spot red flags and generally have the confidence and self esteem to not need a relationship for validation. I was single for several years, had my own home, car, savings, decent career, enjoyed travel, sports and pursuing hobbies as and when I pleased. I was very happy with my lot. If anyone was to become my long term partner they would have to enhance my life not be an anchor. There is lots of talk of having to compromise or settle in a relationship and I do not think that has to be the case. I'm married now and at the risk of sounding smug, very happy, we pull each other up and it is lovely having someone in my life who has my back and is my best friend. <fetch the bucket>.

Not everyone regrets children it's not easy by any means but for some of us it's the only family we have and it has alot of good times too. If someone doesn't want them or to be in a relationship it's their choice.
Just because I'm married with kids doesn't mean I assume everyone should do the same.
She probably is fed up with relationships as she's mentioned in her post. She might meet someone one day and think differently or carry on being single.

She hasn't criticised anyone for being the opposite. I think the poster is just saying it's OK to be single and happy and I think that's great.

I’ve been single for 4 years now and I love it. I enjoy the freedom so much and also enjoy not having to make the effort to make someone else happy.

I was in a relationship from 16 - 20, and then straight in to another relationship from 20 - 30. So my whole adult life up until I split with my ex was spent with someone. Now I just enjoy the peace and calm of being on my own with my children.

No.
I don’t think it’s amazing.

I’m, truly, happy that you and others are happy being single, and I know there is stilm stigma of being single woman.

But, damn, I hate it.
I’m so lonely.
I feel like a weirdo, since everyone one else in relationships.
Always on my own, alone.
I feel like I missed out a huge chubk of life, that everyone else take for granted.

I’m not single by choice though. No man was ever interested in me. So I missed out on love, partnership and kids.