To think being single is amazing!

[Cantrememberasongname]

I am not discrediting others' experiences at all because I know many people can find being single very lonely. People miss having that person to tell stuff, to come home to and the dual income.

It hasn't been that long, but I honestly don't see why I'd want to be in another relationship, and I am 33. First of all, I'm sick of being told it's good to let men chase, have to play hard to get and so on.

I think I'm great and my self-worth shouldn't come from whether some man deems me attractive enough or not.

My time and money are my own. I am in control of everything, I don't have to compromise on every detail.
I don't have to hear unsolicited opinions on how I should wear my hair, or what I should wear. I don't have to worry about someone cheating, physically and/or emotionally.
I don't have to worry about someone suddenly leaving or getting bored or whatever.

It's so freeing and I wish there wasn't such a pressure on people to couple. If most of your friends are coupled up it's always like 'aww you'll meet someone!" And you're looked at with pity.

Does anyone else agree on this point ?
All the men I dated in my 20s were ridiculously immature tbh. So far I haven't dated any men over 30.

It mostly is amazing. I live in a clean house that smells great, I live the lifestyle I want, eat better, feel no pressure to get involved in activities that don’t interest me, and my environment is controlled and drama free, ie I don’t have to potentially deal with meltdowns etc after a long day at work.

HOWEVER I do miss the physical intimacy and sex. Some days I just want to come home to going to bed for endless cuddles and kisses, it’s nice. I dont get any fulfilment from casual sex so this part is hard to replace without getting properly involved with someone.

I also mildly miss the ‘default’ available person to go to a spontaneous outing - now I need to ring around and arrange - and the joint purchasing power. But those are minors.

YANBU I’m in my late 40s and have been single for seven years. I have no interest in men or sex anymore. I love just being with my kids, family, friends or on my own. I did my fair share of hell raising in the past and have two failed marriages behind me. I like the quiet life now. It’s like I’ve settled into who I really am. I don’t want to compromise.

Waste of energy pitying someone who is happy and content.

See this is kind of me. I do love relationships and as mine recently ended I'm very sad.

But one thing I've discovered is I'm really not bothered by sex. I like kisses, affection, cuddles. But in relationships sex is always something I feel I have to do - like a currency you pay to stay in the relationship - rather than something I want to do.

One positive is I don't feel I have to do that now.

I generally enjoy being single although I do miss the feeling of "belonging" with someone. Sometimes when I sit on the sofa eating my dinner for one I feel sad but I have decided that although I like the idea of having a partner, the actual reality of having a partner is completely different.

My last boyfriend was a bit of a man child, I definitely don't miss that, or the snoring, farting and him going to bed early hours of the morning then festering in there all bloody day. I love the fact that I can do what I want, when I want and answer to no one. So yeah generally, I prefer being single to having a partner and when I hear about my friends moaning about their husbands I do think thank fuck I don't have to put up with that shit. I get cuddles and affection from my dog.

However, I do miss a man on rubbish days when I'm up early putting the bins out. Oh and the weekend when I was laying on my drive with my arm down the drain trying to unblock the bloody thing, I did wish at that moment I had a man......for about 5 seconds.

I can definitely see there are positives and negatives to being single and being in a relationship (a good, loving one) I guess like everything else depends on you as a person and what you want from life.

Reading this thread has cemented for me this is absolutely an individual thing.

One persons loneliness is another persons peace.

One persons sense of belonging is another persons claustrophobia.

Etc

I haven’t been in a relationship for years (I probably don’t even know how to ‘snog’ anymore lol). I really have no plans to have a relationship ever again. I have my grown children, my dog and friends (most of whom are not particularly happily married). A partner never figures in my future plans.

I'm approaching 11 years single. I was deeply scarred by my ex husband. I can't bring myself to consider another relationship. I've got so many friends around me in shitty marriages who are utterly miserable but too scared to go it alone. I will never put myself in that position again. I also don't want to inflict anybody on my young son. I don't trust my judgement at all.

So I've learned to accept being single. I don't have to consider anybody but my child. I can come and go as I please, watch what I want, go to bed when I want. It's a kind of freedom that I value. Never again!!

Same here! No intentions of living with someone again. It's a shame how some people always pity those that are single

Yes I get a lot of this. Why haven't I found somebody, wouldn't it be lovely for my son, you're attractive, you shouldn't be alone etc. I remember when my now ex MIL said to me just after my husband upended my life that "this time next year you'll have met somebody lovely and would have settled again". She couldn't have been more wrong. It took me a good five or six years to recover from my divorce and a lot of counselling. I don't want to be pitied or defined by having a man. It's ridiculous.

@TheFormidableMrsC I am also scarred from a bad and long marriage and every man I have met and started a relationship with since has been manipulative love bombers. I am glad I have been able to spot it early and ended things but I can see that, just like you, my judgement can't be trusted and then it's just not worth the risk when I am already happy as I am.

Same, OP. I know there are some people on this thread who simply don't feel like it's possible for anyone to be happy and content single, but I thrive on it.

I love spending time by myself, absolutely adore living alone, thoroughly enjoy not having to consult anyone before I do whatever I want to do, and have zero issues socialising or making friends as a single woman.

If I met someone so wonderful I couldn't imagine spending my life without them, I'm sure that would be wonderful, but I still cannot see myself ever living with someone or getting married - I value my freedom and independence way too much and need a high amount of alone time.

So many people seem to be stuck in relationships that don't make them happy, or have them making compromises they don't want to make, or enduring abysmal behaviour from a partner. I know it's not true for everyone, but the odds of finding a genuinely loving and supportive long-term relationship are at very best 50/50 from what I have witnessed in my own friendship circle, and I definitely do not feel like I'm missing out on much!

I was on a train the other day and had to move seats because the woman next to me was on the phone to her husband and saying loudly that they were going to have 'mad cuddles' when she was back 🤢🤢🤢

You're so very very wrong.

I’m 66 and have been single for more years than I care to remember. I’ve just retired but have a new part time job that I love, I’m lucky to have a wide variety of friends, have an amazing family and to be truthful there is no space or desire in my life for a partner!
Mind you, if you had told me 25 years ago, after my divorce, that I would be single for the rest of my life, then I would’ve been distraught!

It might be worth considering doing the Freedom Programme. I found it helpful in that I could unravel why I always seem to pick people with issues and why I feel I could somehow fix them. I now look in horror at some of my friend's husbands and the behaviour that their wives tolerate. What a waste of their lives.

Yes, I am in therapy and trying to figure this out. It did a lot more damage to me than I first realised. I think initially I was just so elated to have been able to get out of the relationship, the level of damage it caused hit me later. It's shocking though how many men still thinks it's OK to manipulate and gaslight women. I really don't think it's quite so common for women to do that to men. At least not when we have reached our 40s.

I’ve been in an appalling relationship, single and with dp for 20 years. I can honestly say that I love being in a relationship, it’s silly things , like being able to complain in a way that would bore friends silly ! I guess we are all different.

@RoachFish I think if it as an act of violence. The impact is huge. I also ended up with cancer and I am certain that that contributed. My body was in fight or flight mode for years. Constant relentless stress. Therapy helps an awful lot. Indeed the psychotherapy I had via Macmillan was life changing.

I agree you don't see many women like that but they do exist. After years of gaslighting and cheating and treating me like shit, my ex ran off with a woman who is an psychopathic control freak. I think he's met his match! 🤷🏻‍♀️. I find that a lot of single men in the mid 50's age bracket are single because they've been terrible husbands or fathers or they have cheated or been abusive . I realise this is a huge generalisation but it is my experience. I don't want any of that thanks!

Been single for almost 17 years. Lived alone for 14. In between, lived with my parents.

Love being single as can:
. Eat
. TV
. go to bed
. play music

what you like or when you like

Depends I think, I'm a single parent and don't like being single. But then I've been single for 8 years (no choice about that as their father isn't involved so dating isn't possible) I'm lonely and miss having someone to talk to that cares about me I also miss sex because I've been celibate for 8 years... yes people say you don't have to be celibate if you are single but personally casual sex isn't for me so I miss that aspect of a relationship. I enjoyed being single for the first 4/5 years as I was just busy raising my children didn't really think about a man but now find the prospect of being single for the rest of my life now kind of depressing. Also what annoys me is people who have been single for 8 months telling me I have to learn to "love myself" and "enjoy being alone" when they have only been single a matter of months of course you love it 🙄 pretty different to nearly a decade!

Me too! I almost fell over myself to click on it!

I hear you, people shouldn't be saying that. Wanting a partner doesn't mean you don't love yourself, it's stupid.

I get this, I'm in a similar boat. I might have had a chance to go out and socialise if my ex hadn't abandoned our son but he would never have done anything that meant I had a life. I did have a FWB for a good while and that suited me until our individual needs changed. I don't miss a man, but I do miss sex. It's just become part and parcel of the situation really.

I'm older than you but I couldn't agree more.

I have my home, my career, my child, my income, my pension. I have a clean tidy home. Colourful, light, happy, well maintained, cheerful, filled with music and culture.

No drunkenness, no keeping up with the neighbours, no spending stupid amounts on cars, no financial shocks, no sleeping with a barmaid and then demanding half the house even if it leaves his child homeless. No aggression, no bullying. Being single is the clearly the best choice for me.

I miss the intimacy of a physical relationship but not enough to jeopardise my and my child's safety & security.