To think being single is amazing!

[Cantrememberasongname]

I am not discrediting others' experiences at all because I know many people can find being single very lonely. People miss having that person to tell stuff, to come home to and the dual income.

It hasn't been that long, but I honestly don't see why I'd want to be in another relationship, and I am 33. First of all, I'm sick of being told it's good to let men chase, have to play hard to get and so on.

I think I'm great and my self-worth shouldn't come from whether some man deems me attractive enough or not.

My time and money are my own. I am in control of everything, I don't have to compromise on every detail.
I don't have to hear unsolicited opinions on how I should wear my hair, or what I should wear. I don't have to worry about someone cheating, physically and/or emotionally.
I don't have to worry about someone suddenly leaving or getting bored or whatever.

It's so freeing and I wish there wasn't such a pressure on people to couple. If most of your friends are coupled up it's always like 'aww you'll meet someone!" And you're looked at with pity.

Does anyone else agree on this point ?
All the men I dated in my 20s were ridiculously immature tbh. So far I haven't dated any men over 30.

I'm actually married but I don't have to put up with any of those things you mention in your post - wouldn't even enter my husbands head to be honest. I've had some of it before and yes, I'd much rather be single than put up with all that, but I'm just pointing out that it doesn't have to be like that in a happy relationship :) Sounds like you've just met the wrong people and have had some bad experiences. I think it's important to be fine on your own as a woman and fair play to you, just don't discount every man/woman :)

I’ve been with my DH since I was 15 and I’m now almost 33, I fantasise about being single. That’s not to say I don’t love him, I really do, but I’ve never experienced living as a single woman. We’ve lived together since I was 18. He used to work nights on a 4 on/4 off pattern and I LOVED those 4 nights in a row that I had completely to myself after the kids had gone to bed.

I kind of wish we could try out living half of the week separately or something, just to see what it was like 🤣

Something that always strikes me about these comments, the other person needs looking after too! People bang on about "you have no support" etc. It's not a one-way street. That person will get ill, lose jobs, have elderly parents (eventually) etc etc.

I'm 48. Don't forget, some of us have been well loved. And we have left, because being single is better for us...because we don't want marriage or coupledom.

I imagine the same people who are horrified by happy singletons are horrified by happy childfree people.

I did find a big change in how people treated me when I hit 40. Like suddenly I was old enough to know what I wanted!

I've had some really tough times but at all those points, I was glad I didn't have the extra worries of coupledom.

Different things suit different people. I don't know why society is so threatened by that.

Exactly. It's as if one party will be in in excellent health and still able to look after the other, which is highly unlikely. I think people saying this really should work in elderly care to see how it actually is.

Your pity should be directed at women who stay in relationships where they are bored, fed up, unhappy. And of course those who stay in abusive relationships.

Single women have often left relationships where the relationship wasn’t right for whatever reason. Why would you pity them for then choosing to enjoy being single?

If I’m honest, before I became single I (subconsciously) held the view that single people are mostly unhappy and even incomplete. I think this is really engrained by society, alongside ideas about divorce being a moral failure and long term monogamy being the ideal.

I feared living alone but would now find it very hard to go back to living with someone. I’m introverted and don’t get lonely - I like being able to control the level of social contact I have and have much stronger female friendships since becoming single. I lost a lot of myself in my relationship and in that sense feel more myself as a single person. (Being a single parent does have major drawbacks however).

My ideal would be a relationship where we don’t live together, see each other a couple of times a week and have independent lives and finances and limited expectations of each other. This may change over time but currently the idea of interdependence and blending lives and families fills me with dread. I actually think a relationship which you have total freedom to leave and doesn’t require shared domesticity etc. is likely to be more fulfilling romantically / sexually than long- term cohabitation (at least for me), though perhaps the inherent instability would get difficult.

I’m moving towards the view that expecting to be happy with one person for a period of 50+ years is unrealistic for most, particularly given the extent to which we expect our needs to be met by that one relationship with our spouse. And that if the person who was right for you at 25 is no longer right at 40 that’s not necessarily a failing.

There’s a really good book called The Unexpected Joy of Being Single. It basically takes apart the idea you need to be in a relationship to be happy and reframes single life. I read it years ago and it changed my whole perspective.

I would say though, I’m engaged now and the downsides you describe of being in a relationship aren’t present in all of them. I think if you’re happy single it’s much easier to say no to relationships like that so, if you do end up in one, you get a better one if you meet someone.

I actually think being single is best in middle age. I’m a single mum and of course that’s tough but it’s a million times better than running around trying to please a man as well. I’m lucky that I have a professional job so am financially secure. I now get to choose where I want to go, what I want to do, etc for me and my kids. It’s fab.

Yes. I agree with this. I have happily been with DH for 24 years and before I met him I was having a blast being single. To the point I turned down offers of repeat dates with people I quite liked because I was just having such a nice time. I would not pity anyone who is single unless they were sad about it. Do whatever makes you happy.

It’s depressing because it’s reality for anyone who wants to have kids and is single in their 30s. You are in the group who can’t afford to spend years being happily single without a risk of ending up without children (which is obviously absolutely fine if you don’t want them or are not bothered).

Im not saying this to make you feel bad. I was in the same boat- happy to go wherever life took me but mindful that I wanted to be a mum in the future and the journey to have the husband and kids that I wanted really had to begin soon. I’m now early 40s and very thankful for where that got me.

Not even elder care...I've had quite a bit of illness and injury in my life - but if I'd had a husband, the poor sod would have had an awful time!

These people don't consider the strain for the person doing the looking after... or that they might BE that person!

Is it that they don't think of ever being very ill or they don't think how hard it is to care for someone who is ill? It puzzles me. I was ill a lot in late teens and 20s so I realise I might have a different view.

Seven years for me. Looking forward to when my circumstances allow me to have another dog. That's all the companionship I need.

Really?? Having children is hard without a doubt but I don't know anyone who regrets being a parent. They are my world and without sounding patronising to anyone who doesn't have, honestly I didn't know true love until I had my first baby.

100% agree being single is amazing! I loved every minute of it 😂 I'm happy in my own company, have great friends, loved the freedom. I wasn't sure if I wanted kids or not, but felt like I'd only get in a relationship if they were truly amazing because I didn't want to compromise how content I was with my single life!

I met a man in a nightclub and two and half years later we have a marriage, a baby and a dog. Life is very different now. Equally (if not more) amazing!

I would say don't rule anything out and do what makes you happy.

@Circe7 I would echo everything you said there. I was in a 20+ years long marriage and have been single for the last two years. I spent 8-9 months dating but realised I was so much happier single and have deactivated the dating app and whenever a man comes up to me asking me if I'm single I say no. I had a couple of short relationships in those dating months and a bunch of first dates, it was all pretty disappointing. I have a circle of single female friends all in our 40s and out of 8 of us, only one is still on a dating app and is trying to find someone. The rest of us have realised we are happier without a man. If I ever did change my mind, like you, I would never live with a man.

Not being facetious but why would you choose to bring a man who requires you to 'run around trying to please' into the equation. It goes back to the not settling or compromising discussion. Surely any man you decide to enter a relationship with will be your equal and add to your life, not bring another layer of burden and stress.

Im happy you are happy OP - and you've found happiness being single, and being content that is the way YOU want to live your life. I am happy being married - with the two kids we have. Yes, it is stressful, yes i worry constantly, yes sometimes they annoy the absolute shit out of me, and yes, weekends are filled with football and drama and birthday parties where i am almost always on the move - BUT i love the fact we are a family, we have lovely holidays together, snd i love that on random days i get a little person or two crawl into my bed and we talk about anything and everything - most times silly things that in the real world doesn't matter - but it matters to them (this morning was how many weetabix would it take to fill my sons stomach - 5 he said!), i love that my husband makes me a tea every single morning, i love watching the children in school plays and sports days, and making silly costumes for them out of old sheets, and i love birthdays and christmas - the fact they still believe in santa! So yes, single life can be as amazing as you say it is, but so can being married and having a family.

I am in my 60s, long-term married, and I often find myself fantasising about being single. I'm sure a lot of women do when they get to my age. I have two female neighbours, one widowed for many years and one who has never married, and I feel very envious of them when I see them swanning off for the day to do whatever, without the complication of a man in the equation.

@TheCadoganArms
I think it's a rare young woman (or certainly in the recent past, I have my fingers crossed for my daughters) who has such a healthy mind, and the finances allow, to not settle. Ironically because of societal pressure to couple up. Also the biological urge to reproduce. It is clear that many many women are tolerating any old dross such is their desire to couple up.
It would be wonderful for young women if societies default wasnt to feel pity for them, as a couple of posters have demonstrated on this thread, but rather embrace either being single or being in a couple, but only in a couple if it brings value to your life. Not just any old scum in a desperation not to be single. The more women who embrace and enjoy being single, the easier it becomes for those younger than us.

A lot of posters are kind of proving OPs point that some people will never fathom that being single has its upsides for a lot of people too. That it’s only a temporary stop on the way to coupledom.
@Broodywuz the clue is in the words “secretly and privately” - there’s an entire Reddit board called “regretful parents”. It’s got huge stigma attached to it, as your post actually demonstrates a little bit. Of course people aren’t going to talk about it until they know they can without judgement.
@MakeTheFriendshipBracelets, those are some interesting opinions for somebody whose username comes from a song called “You’re Own Your Own, Kid”. We must have interpreted that song differently.

It's good that you're happy single! I loved being single during the times I was!

However I would say that your comments around sharing time and money, comments on your hair and what you're wearing, worrying about cheating etc are all symptomatic of an unhealthy relationship.

In a healthy functioning relationship, you love and trust each other, are happy sharing your lives, spending time together is enjoyable and brings you joy and contentment, you're both free to be your own people but compliment each other when you're together and most of all, it's just easy!

I never had it up until my current DP but to find someone completely on the same page as you, who brings out the best in you and who just makes you happy being around them is the best feeling ever.

But ultimately happiness is the most important thing of all! Whether you're single or in a relationship, as long as you're happy that's all that matters. Life is too short to be miserable x

But no relationship is the same, and some people’s idea of a happy loving relationship is stifling or controlling or neglectful to other people. Some people are just happy in no relationship, and shouldn’t be condescended to that they’ve “just not met the right person yet”.

I think whether or not people are happy being single depends on a few things such as your friendship group, hobbies and whether you enjoy your own company. I was very happily single until I accidently met my husband in my mid 20s. I had plenty of single friends, a good social life and travelled the world solo revelling in my independence. I was never lonely as there were always people available for socialising and actively looking for a partner never crossed my mind.

I think however there is a difficult period for single chlidfree people when those around them are settled with partners and young families and the socialising drys up in favour of them spending time with other young families. It's not a problem if you have a good network of people in a similar situation or lots of varied interests but I can see why some people feel left out when they naturally become lower down on other people's list of priorities due to family commitments.

Absolutely this.

I told my friend about an awful date and she's replied 'there are plenty more fish in the sea!"
And "These things happen when you stop looking for them!"
The first one isn't true and the second is a mindless cliché people churn out even if it's well-intentioned.
Being open to it doesn't mean you're absolutely desperate and constantly on the lookout.