To think being single is amazing!

[Cantrememberasongname]

I am not discrediting others' experiences at all because I know many people can find being single very lonely. People miss having that person to tell stuff, to come home to and the dual income.

It hasn't been that long, but I honestly don't see why I'd want to be in another relationship, and I am 33. First of all, I'm sick of being told it's good to let men chase, have to play hard to get and so on.

I think I'm great and my self-worth shouldn't come from whether some man deems me attractive enough or not.

My time and money are my own. I am in control of everything, I don't have to compromise on every detail.
I don't have to hear unsolicited opinions on how I should wear my hair, or what I should wear. I don't have to worry about someone cheating, physically and/or emotionally.
I don't have to worry about someone suddenly leaving or getting bored or whatever.

It's so freeing and I wish there wasn't such a pressure on people to couple. If most of your friends are coupled up it's always like 'aww you'll meet someone!" And you're looked at with pity.

Does anyone else agree on this point ?
All the men I dated in my 20s were ridiculously immature tbh. So far I haven't dated any men over 30.

It won’t be a popular view here but I do think it can be the novelty factor. When you’ve been single for a decade or more and head into your middle age with no partner or children it can be bleak. I knew that wasn’t what I wanted from life.

Really? Wouldn't it be the other way about? Here you have a person who is very happy single. That means they'll always be ok, as they never have to rely on anyone else for their happiness. Whereas the person who thinks you need a relationship to be happy, is in the far riskier position. It is they you should reserve your sadnes for, for their options are limited.

I'm newly single and finding it really hard. So I'm glad I stumbled across this post!

The key thing here is 'can be' bleak.

Life is what you make it. It's doesn't have to be bleak at all. 52, single for 14 years and honestly loving life.

Many people end up old and lonely even if they are married and have kids.

It’s fair enough @NeverEnoughPants . I was single for so long I really was thoroughly sick of it! It wasn’t so much the single ness but not having children (and I know you can have them alone but it wasn’t what I wanted) and feeling everyone else’s lives were moving on and I was stuck.

I can see that if I hadn’t really wanted children or been ambivalent I wouldn’t have been as bothered though.

I pity people like you that have no self worth unless it comes from another person.

Truly making yourself happy is so so much better than relying on another person’s love and affection to ensure your happiness. What a terrible way to live.

There's a lot of people in lonely marriages/relationships. Most women outlive their male partners and are usually in better health, so being married in your 30/40's doesn't mean that you won't be on your own.
I think that it depends on the quality of other relationships, friends and family. I think that it's something that you've got to plan for while you are fit and well. My single sister (68) put a lot of effort to build friendships and is very involved in charity work. She expects too much from my DD's, who she never bothered with, Covid and everyone ageing/health issues has changed her friendship group. Emotionally not everyone needs to be in a partnership.

I was devastated to find myself single again a couple of years ago. But now I bloody love it and would think twice about another relationship.
The sheer freedom is amazing.

I've had the best of the best (in my opinion) and the worst of the worst but I'm in agreement with the OP. Ultimately everyone is different and lives change.

Dependency on another person for happiness and security is a double edged sword. As I have found to my cost. I am, moving forward, enough for me. Our culture of coupledom is sometimes toxic and limiting.

Ultimately if we are responsible for creating our own happiness then doing it single is not a sign of failure. Quite the opposite on fact.

Why did you post on this thread @MakeTheFriendshipBracelets?

Your posts could only result in one objective- to make strangers unhappy.

Why?

That is some hot take!

I promise you, I am fully content and truly happy. What's not to be happy about? I do a job I enjoy, can do what I want when I want, don't rely on someone else to go to places that I want to go to. Some people find it tricky to be single because they haven't mastered the beautiful art of independence.

Honestly, it's them I feel sorry for. Find it hard to go to things on their own, can't sleep if their partner is away for work, if they find themselves single they spend their free time searching for someone to plug the gap.

I don't have any gaps. My life is full. I have people in my life that I adore and that love me.

If you think that single people can't be happy, honestly that only means that you can't be happy, single. It's not a reflection on me or on op.

For me personally I preferred being single, (despite having kids) to being with my ex. He treated me horribly and looking back it was bordering on abuse. But I wouldn't choose that over being with my husband. I like being able to share the mental load with someone, I have someone who I love who loves me back and who I look forward to coming home to every day. And I would never willingly give that up to go back to being single ( which had its plus points).

I completely understand that. I have friends that have really found it difficult to not be able to have children for one reason or another.

I'm sorry that life hasn't worked out the way you wanted it. I've been fortunate in that I had my children, and now I find myself blessed to be single. I may well feel very differently about it in your shoes.

I have a DS and maybe grandchildren one day, also plenty of friends. If the only person in your life is your partner that's pretty sad.

I agree with you Op, the freedom is liberating. As ds gets within touching distance of adulthood and we're planning for him moving on and up I do wonder if that will change. I have a full life though and am content in my own company so I hope that it does not. Like other happy singles on here I would never live with someone again.

Yes, but what's your point? Being single doesn't mean being alone.

It's definitely not synonymous.

But if someone says that they could never be fully happy and content if they were single, it's a fair assessment of how they feel/are in their life

The only embarrassing thing is that you can't believe people can be happy living differently to you.

I've been single for 16 years, if I'd wanted a relationship I would have found one by now.

MIL ended her last relationship 11 years ago when she was 62. She said she doesn’t want another partner as men of her generation expect to be waited on. She’s happy, has her interests, us and her friends.

Let's face it @MakeTheFriendshipBracelets , it is you that is doing the protesting. Everyone else is answering the ops question. I am sorry for you that you're not happy. You get one life.

I was single for 7 years and loved it. Holidays doing what I wanted, lazing just because I could, spontaneity unchallenged and all my time my own to choose exactly what I felt like.

In a relationship now but my partner commutes away 2 days a week so I'm happy with those days alone.

I'm middle aged and people felt sorry for me sometimes while others envied me. We don't all need to be needed. Some of us genuinely like our own company!

Glad you're happy that way to do exactly as you please. You go live your life happily!! 😁