To think being single is amazing!

[Cantrememberasongname]

I am not discrediting others' experiences at all because I know many people can find being single very lonely. People miss having that person to tell stuff, to come home to and the dual income.

It hasn't been that long, but I honestly don't see why I'd want to be in another relationship, and I am 33. First of all, I'm sick of being told it's good to let men chase, have to play hard to get and so on.

I think I'm great and my self-worth shouldn't come from whether some man deems me attractive enough or not.

My time and money are my own. I am in control of everything, I don't have to compromise on every detail.
I don't have to hear unsolicited opinions on how I should wear my hair, or what I should wear. I don't have to worry about someone cheating, physically and/or emotionally.
I don't have to worry about someone suddenly leaving or getting bored or whatever.

It's so freeing and I wish there wasn't such a pressure on people to couple. If most of your friends are coupled up it's always like 'aww you'll meet someone!" And you're looked at with pity.

Does anyone else agree on this point ?
All the men I dated in my 20s were ridiculously immature tbh. So far I haven't dated any men over 30.

‘even though he would have said yes” - asking permission -

reminded me of an encounter with a middle aged neighbour walking two puppies,
told me her husband had reluctantly driven her to ‘look’ at the litter, she really wanted one, he capitulated, bought her a pup, the last puppy cried and fussed,
so after much pleading he agreed to buy her both and drove back next day to
fetch him
She related this tale, then, coyly, in a little girl whispery voice,
“I always get my own way eventually, do you?”
I was astounded
She knew I lived alone - who am I going to have to work my womanly wiles on?
If I wanted a puppy I would go out and buy one, no permission or husband’s money would be part of any transaction.

Any woman with a short temper, rebellious spirit, high expectations, dull husband,
post menopausal, own funds, can be single, it is a wonderful state, not carrying the negative connotations it did even Ten years ago.

It’s absolutely freeing.

When you live alone, responsible for only yourself, or pets of course,
there are no disappointments, or very few as anyone can have a bad day.
When you live with a husband and have reasonable behavioural expectations
of another adult which are determinedly not met, when there is immense unhappiness, the feeling of liberation when you drive away after 16 years of
misery is wonderful, not to be surrendered, the gamble too heavily weighted.

Is this normal?
I was clearly amused by the now removed comment but cannot remember
what was said.

“festering” ha ha
This farting phenomenon will have been well covered here?

When I was divorcing, I attended 3 different female divorce lawyers,
over quite a long period.
Anyway, all three of them, worldly, cynical, told similar stories,
of women not too sure if they were doing the right thing… talking
themselves around, concluding with
“ At least I won’t have to put up with all that farting.”
Every single one.
Her female clients included a Circuit Judge, doctors, a famous movie actress
Farting knows no social/economic/dietary boundaries apparently.

We can see here that you also talked yourself around to the right way of thinking

Strong chemicals will keep you from that 5 second weakness

Oh, sometimes I do dream of being single again!

I soon came to realise how happy i was just being on my own learning more about me.Single 9 years now and would never change it.I dont miss anything a man can offer.I do what i want when i want how i want no compromising.My home is spotless and no clutter things are where i left them.Dont have to cook no sulking man child.My list is long and its blissful.I only have to read MN most days to see how lucky i am.

I’ve been single for 10 years now, also childfree, and I simply couldn’t live life any other way. This is how I’m happiest & healthiest. I have family & friends, a busy social life, a career I enjoy & the cats. That’s all I want.

If someone IRL told me they pitied me I think I’d just laugh at them.

I too am so much healthier single.

Daily exercise, 8 hours of sleep, clean diet, minimal alcohol, low stress levels, high self esteem.

It’s bliss.

But i also hope (and not in a pitying poor you way) that you one day meet a decent kind man who loves you the way you deserve. A good relationship makes life easier. A bad one makes it all much harder. I hope you find a good one soon.

Why? The whole point of the OP's post was that she loves being single,so why would you wish for her to find a man?

Your comment comes from a good place I'm sure but is misplaced. Some people genuinely don't want a relationship and you shouldn't disregard that. Please believe people when they say things.

Although I'm married and have been for years, I loved being single!!

The freedom to choose what I was doing, where I was going, no compromises. It was fabulous. I wanted to go traveling so I took my single self off around the world. Was single again at 27, decided to move countries (and then met my husband).

I think single is fine but it is important to find fellow women who also don't need or want a man and certainly where I live very few women exist who are happy on their own. They lack enjoyment of hobbies and me time and are quite conventional. I hope I find a couple of women like that soon where I live.

I've been married and had my children - who are now all adult. This time is for me. I have my own home (only because of inheritance, I've been a low earning all my working life) and a dog, not a great deal of income coming in but enough to cover the bills. And I am in heaven. No worries about money being frittered away - unless I am the one frittering (in which case, obviously, it isn't frittering, it's essential expenses), can walk my dog whenever and whereever I want, reduce or increase my work hours without having to justify to anyone...

Never again am I going to hitch my wagon to a man.

I do get sick of the unsolicited pity though. There is simply no need for it at all! Many people cannot live with themselves which personally I find very sad. Though many cannot afford to live alone.

@morningtoncrescent62

Looking back, I can see that I hated being in relationships - they made me feel claustrophobic and trapped, and they never worked for me

I can completely relate to this. I am in a (largely) happy relationship now but I have always felt a bit trapped and stifled when I am with a man. Even the lovely man I am with now. My partner is just about worth it but I have never felt that being in a couple is my natural state and even now I fantasise about being on my own.

When I look back at my life, the times I have been freest, been most productive, happy and authentic have usually been when I have been single. Being in relationships is vastly overrated. It rarely brings out the best in people.

Without sounding pompous I think the best relationship is the one with ourselves. Which does not mean self-obsession but being at peace within.

This kind of comment is so frustrating!
It comes across as you can’t be really complete, fulfilled and living a good life unless you are in a couple.
Please stop perpetuating this nonsense.

This. It’s an utterly stupid and unimaginative comment, however well meaning.

I have been married twice with a break of five years between the end of my first marriage and meeting my second husband. I married young the first time and we split up after only six years.

There were a few small advantages to being single (having the bed to myself being the main one) and I tried very hard to pretend to myself and others that being single was great. But it wasn't.

Most of my friends were happily married and those that weren't were - like me - unhappy to be single. We went through the motions of pretending to be independent women out and about having fun, but we weren't convincing ourselves or anyone else.

More than anything, I wanted a life partner. I met my husband after being single (except for a couple of short-term unsatisfactory relationships) for five years.

We have been married for fifteen years and I would hate to be without him. He's ten years older than me, so I sometimes think about what life without him would be like and I don't think it would be good.

Agree. Its probably well meaning but it’s so patronising like being single means living a lesser life and we’re only whole beings with a man on our bed.

Its such a small minded attitude

That’s a YABU then? I’m glad you’re happy, but you’re clearly not like most of us on this thread.

For me your life would be a nightmare, & you’d clearly hate mine!

No. I voted for YANBU, because if someone thinks being single is great, that's great. For them. Why should I think that is being unreasonable?

I wouldn't presume to say that someone else's life would be my nightmare either. Had could I possibly know what their life is like when I haven't walked in their shoes? Such a presumption certainly would be unreasonable.

I can only speak from my own experience. I didn't enjoy being a single. I don't believe that makes me unusual or unreasonable. The vast majority of people I know in real life prefer to have a life partner. That is my experience.

You seem a little defensive. Why would that be? I don't mind if you say you prefer to be single. Why do you care so much that I admit that I prefer to be married?

I’m speaking from my experience too & acknowledging that we’re all different.

I was in a civil partnership for 10 years & suicidally depressed by the end of it. I quite simply couldn’t bear living with anyone else now - except cats - and still have nightmares about it on occasion, although far fewer than I used to. So being in a live-in relationship with someone would, for me, be my nightmare come to life.

But from what you say, you wouldn’t like to spend the rest of your life single.

I sorry that happened to you and that you are still suffering. I hope you find peace and heal fully with your cats and new life.

My first marriage ended badly and I was very hurt. Although my first husband was a weak and cowardly man, he wasn't a bad person. Before it all went wrong we were happy, so my experience didn't put me off marriage.

My current husband is a kind, clever and loving man. He is everything I wanted and more. I know I'm lucky. Not every marriage is happy, but I knew even before I met him that I didn't want to spend my life alone.

I agree OP. I've been single for most of my almost 65 years, except for a 12 year marriage, and I love every moment of it. I've been separated from my DH for over 20 years and never had any intention of looking for anyone else. We didn't have children btw. I'm just not cut out for relationships.

It’s very individual and also circumstantial.

Some people don’t need other people

Some people have met the wrong person

Some people have met the right person

Two incomes are better than one, if both people bring in an income that is. I mean some people are financially a drain but from a purely economic point of view it can be beneficial.