To think being single is amazing!

[Cantrememberasongname]

I am not discrediting others' experiences at all because I know many people can find being single very lonely. People miss having that person to tell stuff, to come home to and the dual income.

It hasn't been that long, but I honestly don't see why I'd want to be in another relationship, and I am 33. First of all, I'm sick of being told it's good to let men chase, have to play hard to get and so on.

I think I'm great and my self-worth shouldn't come from whether some man deems me attractive enough or not.

My time and money are my own. I am in control of everything, I don't have to compromise on every detail.
I don't have to hear unsolicited opinions on how I should wear my hair, or what I should wear. I don't have to worry about someone cheating, physically and/or emotionally.
I don't have to worry about someone suddenly leaving or getting bored or whatever.

It's so freeing and I wish there wasn't such a pressure on people to couple. If most of your friends are coupled up it's always like 'aww you'll meet someone!" And you're looked at with pity.

Does anyone else agree on this point ?
All the men I dated in my 20s were ridiculously immature tbh. So far I haven't dated any men over 30.

I’m in my 50’s and very happily single. I had a long marriage which only went wrong towards the end and my ex H is still a good friend.

I wouldn’t live with a man again if you gave me a million quid - well I might take the money and make him stay in the spare room 🤣🤣

My experience seems very different to a lot on here. I’ve never had any negativity or judgement about being single. I’ve got a great mixed social group - singles and couples - and i absolutely love the fact my space and time is mine

My DS is an adult and as much as I love him I’m pleased my wife and mum years are behind me and it’s my time now

I’ve had a few dates in that time but I’m just not interested. I’d rather have nights out, weekends away and holidays with girl friends than a man.

And I’m not justifying if or convincing myself. If you’d asked me 10 years ago then I’d have probably said I couldn’t understand being happily single but having lived this life for several years, I can’t imagine being in a relationship again.

I’m a similar age to you and I absolutely love being single.

I sometimes can’t believe my luck that I no longer have to live with a man and deal with the inevitable drama/anguish/chaos of a relationship.

I’ve been single for 9 months, and while I can see my views softening somewhat in the future, it really would have to be for someone very special who adds to my life, not detracts from/disturbs my peace.

I spent much of my youth wondering when was I ever going to meet that special someone? I dated and had a few relationships but once I hit my late 20s nothing. Saw my friends get married start families...
Finally took matters into my own hands and got married at 40. Wonderful man - couldn't have been luckier. Had two kids. Unfortunately he passed away suddenly when I was 47. On my own since.
So now (60s) I feel I've had that big love and I don't feel the need or pressure to couple up. A few people asked me early on when I was going to 'put myself out there' but like what , there was no queue at my door of willing bachelors happy to take on two little kids! I was open to a new relationship but it just hasn't happened. And I'm totally fine with that. Getting a romantic partner would certainly add excitement but it would be on a totally independent basis - I certainly don't want to live with anyone. I look at my friends and a third would probably leave if they could afford too, a third are content enough bumbling along with their husbands who are more like companions, and a third are still 'in love' and good teams who still find the romance ongoing.
I did not feel this way at your age. But then I didn't have any bad experiences like it seems you may have had? But being happy in whatever circumstances you find yourself in is great.

I don't doubt that you are happy and fulfilled just the way you are OP.

When you get older though, priorities can change. I have seen previously very happy single people when they were fit and healthy who get a bit older and possibly in poorer health, with nobody to advocate for them or help if they need it, if they get old or ill or go into hospital. If they need help with personal business matters or house matters. At best they might have a helpful neighbour who can step in for an emergency but that's not the same thing. There's no guarantees even if in a partnership of course, but there are decent partners out there who can be trusted and leaned on and vice versa. Not all partners are control freaks who tell you how to wear your hair, and if they are like that then of course that's not better than being single.

Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic, but my experiences of being in a couple have been about the other person involved, clicking with them if you like. In the case of my marriage which ended in disaster and divorce, I know part of it was that on my side, but my ExH did a great job of love bombing so in retrospect I'm not sure if he was ever truly invested in me as a person, or more as a "trophy wife" (by which I mean he wanted a wife at any cost as he was a serial spouse, not that I was a special catch).

It was completely different with my late DP - we really were soul mates. It would be nigh on impossible for anyone to fill those boots, and it would be massively unfair to hook up with someone just because it's "better" to be in a couple by society's standards.

I've been unlucky and lucky in relationships, now I'm on a new path and finally realising that I don't "need" a man. I can't have the one I want, and I can't see anyone measuring up to him. Coming to that realisation and asking myself what I want is liberating.

If coupling up happens organically for people and they are happy then that's great. But forcing it due to societal expectation is a recipe for disaster.

Honestly I think the idea of finding a partner just so you have someone to care for you in older age/take you to hospital if you're ill/look after you is sad. I don't see it as a reason to have to have a partner.

'I have seen previously very happy single people when they were fit and healthy who get a bit older and possibly in poorer health, with nobody to advocate for them or help if they need it, if they get old or ill or go into hospital"

But there's no guarantee that people will still have a spouse or partner by the time they get to that stage. One will almost always die first, leaving the other one without that support.

Exactly! As I said up thread I worked in social care and the vast majority of my clients were widows. Of the ones who were still married, the other partner was also in poor health/receiving care themselves so just not in a position to look after their spouse.

My grandmother died when she was 74 and my grandfather is now alone, they were together over 50 years. One partner will usually die before the other.

If coupling up happens organically for people and they are happy then that's great. But forcing it due to societal expectation is a recipe for disaster.

Absolutely 💯 agree. If you meet someone and it works then great but do it fir the right reasons rather than because of other peoples judgement.

And in my experience being single especially at a more mature age is becoming more and more normal and not at all unusual

As I previously stated, I could get a boyfriend/partner/husband if I wanted....anyone could.
But what I find strange is that a previously single friend has gotten married. Her dad flipped at her when she was close to 40 and told her to cop on, stop drifting, & find someone. Year and half later, she's married and very stressed (happy? I don't know).
I gathered from her tone and conversation, that there is an air of judgement and superiority in her words towards her single friends. Like she has pity for us, and her other single friends are having difficulty accepting she is now married, whilst we'resingle? It's all very irritating.
She married a 40 year old widowed man who has a 4 year old daughter. She doesn't like his daughter. I just couldn't live like that.

Patronising and rude.

I wouldn't want to be single again. It was great fun when I was 19 but I married the right man and I wouldn't swap that for anything, even a £million.

And the few single friends I have talk about nothing but themselves; everything is about them, gets quite boring after awhile. And none of them are single by choice.

Very interesting thread. I am married 34 years and childless. DH is older so Il ow it is likely I will be single again at some point. Awful though it would be to lose him I have no intention of ever looking for another relationship. I know I can live alone. I have good friends and family.

My mother had been a widow for 39 years when she passed away aged 93. She continued to live a full life.

YANBU to feel whatever you think and do what makes you happy.

I loved dating when I was younger, harmless fun with no string attached.
I somehow ended with serious relationship, I would never stay in one that doesn't make me happy. I completely agree with things happening organically.

There's nothing I couldn't do or be because I am not single, it makes no difference on that level - apart from dating, but I I have grown out of that stage for now

My time and money are my own. I am in control of everything, I don't have to compromise on every detail.
I don't have to hear unsolicited opinions on how I should wear my hair, or what I should wear. I don't have to worry about someone cheating, physically and/or emotionally.
I don't have to worry about someone suddenly leaving or getting bored or whatever.

that sounds like you were in an abusive relationship frankly, I have never had any of this!

Oh I know, but that's another thread altogether...

I suppose its a good question though. Is the desire for an uncompromising single life a good enough reason to leave a marriage or relationship?

I must admit that a situation where my time and money are all mine to decide what to do with, my house mine to decorate, my evenings my own, my own mess to tidy, decisions on social life, holidays or other life luxuries etc are mine alone, not having to worry about the health of the relationship or differing approaches to things, dynamics of in-laws and so on, does sound pretty appealing to me.

Does that then mean my marriage is doomed? I honestly don't know the answer.

I've had decent relationships, with men who were great, still in touch, still friends, I've had bad ones too, though they're not the reason I choose to stay single, it's because I prefer it. I have relationships in my life, I have family and friends, I have animals - they all add something positive and good to my life and I don't feel the need to, nor want to, compromise on my living space and the way I live my life because I'm happy as it is.

I think people who insist that everyone must be happier in a couple with the right person are probably projecting because they fear being alone, I don't, I like my own company, I don't feel lonely, I don't feel deprived, I'm just me and getting on with my life how I like it - if some people can't do that, well that's fine too but really, projecting your feelings that you could never be on your own and telling someone else that they are wrong because they are and happy about it and designed it that way is narrow minded.

And also completely wrong

Why do people have to s* on women who are happy single?

I dont understand that at all.

Some people may be in for a shock if they find themselves single again one day.

This.

When lots of people talk about compromise, it doesn't need to be around major things but all the little decisions that make up everyday life. There's a constant negotiation required in married life (esp with children) even in the most supportive and healthy relationships that just wouldn't be required if single (of course if there's kids there's still coparenting, but that's a different thing).

Women now have money, jobs, cars, their own properties. They don't need the support.
I do worry a little bit about old age and being single but everyone does, even married people. Nobody wants to cross the aging bridge.
Many people are dumped in nursing homes eventually -married or single. Having a spouse/children doesn't guarantee you'll be taken care of unfortunately. I'm living in the now as I can't control the future.

I've been single for years and years and it's now my preference. I love everything about it, except the fact that it's so expensive and the fact that politicians only care about hard-working families and so forget we exist. 😂

Depends if it's an unwanted opinion, why would anyone care if someone else is in a relationship or single is beyond me frankly

Different if it's in reply to pity posts about someone feeling sorry for "anyone" in a relationship because they must be miserable, have no freedom, no personality and pretending to be superior because you are single.

Either judgmental sides are annoying, and wrong.

Discussion is based on conflicting opinions though. Plus, this is had been shoehorned into the AIBU topic.

I find being single incredibly lonely.

If you have children together you can't just decide to go on a holiday and leave the other parent without discussing it first.

that's an entirely different subject.

when you have children full stop, you don't have the same freedom regardless. You can't decide to go on holiday without arranging childcare even if you are single!