To think being single is amazing!

[Cantrememberasongname]

I am not discrediting others' experiences at all because I know many people can find being single very lonely. People miss having that person to tell stuff, to come home to and the dual income.

It hasn't been that long, but I honestly don't see why I'd want to be in another relationship, and I am 33. First of all, I'm sick of being told it's good to let men chase, have to play hard to get and so on.

I think I'm great and my self-worth shouldn't come from whether some man deems me attractive enough or not.

My time and money are my own. I am in control of everything, I don't have to compromise on every detail.
I don't have to hear unsolicited opinions on how I should wear my hair, or what I should wear. I don't have to worry about someone cheating, physically and/or emotionally.
I don't have to worry about someone suddenly leaving or getting bored or whatever.

It's so freeing and I wish there wasn't such a pressure on people to couple. If most of your friends are coupled up it's always like 'aww you'll meet someone!" And you're looked at with pity.

Does anyone else agree on this point ?
All the men I dated in my 20s were ridiculously immature tbh. So far I haven't dated any men over 30.

I agree with you that being single is a million times better than a bad relationship

The only reason I'd consider a partner is because I might like to have a child one day.

I wish I could do it alone but when you see on here how many people label it is selfish, plus I'm just not sure I could afford it.

Oh you are absolutely right.

This is mumsnet. A place where every married woman is completely happy within their relationship, and never has any issues with the man in their lives. A place where marriage is the epitome of joy, and nobody ever gets told to LTB...

@MakeTheFriendshipBracelets

Out of curiosity does your opinion apply to single men too?

Oh yes! Single parent since 2012, a couple of dates over the years then someone serious in 2019 who died. I'm totally against ever sharing my life again. I'm happy, I'm free and I love my space. (I'm not even dreading the teens leaving home shortly!)

I was very happy single for 13 years and would be happy single again. Married now.
I never experienced anything like you describe in a relationship though @Cantrememberasongname you must have had a low bar.

This post is so interesting to me. I'm 42 and married but I do very bitterly regret the time I wasted in my 20s and early 30s on men. It felt like my life revolved around it in lots of ways, and in hindsight, I can't for the life of me work out why I allowed (or wanted) that to be the case (insecurity maybe, ingrained patriarchy?).

Being with someone really does require so much compromise and I know that if I was ever to divorce, I'd never live with someone again.

Honestly, my ideal scenario would be to live alone (with my DC), and have someone who I dated in a very casual way. Someone to go out to dinner with or even on holiday but with absolutely no expectation of any real commitment. A likeminded companion.

Well, you don’t have to stay married @dollandstep

It's interesting reading this. I am happy in a relationship but I also enjoyed being single. The idea that people in relationships somehow can't have freedom of choice, go on holiday in their own when they want to etc is bizarre to me. I am independent but enjoy having a partner who is also independent and does his own thing, we trust each other completely and give each other space. It doesn't have to be awful!

I think a growing number of people want this @dollandstep . I certainly do. It's a luxury not normally achievable in one's twenties when you need a combined salary to live. But, 50 ish, when you no longer need to be joined, given the choice, many don't want to be.

Being with someone really does require so much compromise and I know that if I was ever to divorce, I'd never live with someone again.

But why all the compromise?

I'm married with kids, met Dh at Uni. But I always thought being single would really suit me, I always visualised myself living alone and I never get lonely. I find living with others really really difficult. Unlike most people my age when I met DH I was very reluctant to do couple things and really struggled with the knowledge that I met my life partner too young. When I knew we were getting serious I was really down about it and couldn't decide what to do. We broke up for a while but it was silly. We loved each other and I was clinging onto a fantasy of travelling and living alone that made no sense. The good thing about all this is we had a huge amount of independence in our relationship, dh understands I need time alone and I can go on weekends or holidays. I hope when my kids get a bit older we fall back into that 'independent but together' relationship we once had. If we do then that's what makes me happy. Most relationships sound oppressive to me. Despite our opposite circumstances I totally get you OP!

I was happy single and happy married but if being single is so desirable I am not sure why people are desperate to go from one relationship to the next sign up to heaps of dating apps etc.

You do have to compromise to a certain extent, even in a great relationship. You have to be considerate of their feelings. If you live together, you have to be in agreement on things like decorating. If you have children together you can't just decide to go on a holiday and leave the other parent without discussing it first.

For me, having been in a relationship where we didn't crowd each other at all, and having been single, it's a tiny difference which makes a huge difference. When in my LTR, if I wanted to go to Rome, I had to at least consider for a second my DH. Even though he would have said yes. Now, I see a flight to Rome on my phone, I can book it immediately. It's freeing.

LOL

One of the biggest lessons Iv learnt in my life is that I am far far better off single than in a relationship. It’s a myth that we need to be coupled. The only bit of relationships that I feel is beneficial overall is the financial side. The rest? Bad outweighs the good. Good for you OP, society taught us wrong.

I think this is societal expectations. It took me years to wrap my head around the fact that being single is rather nice.

The people who do that are the ones who aren't happy being single. Not everyone is. Some of us are. I've never been on a dating app in my life.

Because not everyone feels that way.

Some people would rather be in a relationship than be single. Some people think it's impossible to be fully happy if they aren't part of a couple, and seem to think that those of us that would prefer too stay single are deluding ourselves.

But funnily enough, not everyone is the same.

Some people love their own space and can easily function alone. Im like you too. Others can't, and need someone to bounce off/security/companionship/love/fit into society...I don't know.
The sympathy thing gets to me. If I wanted a boyfriend/husband, I could get one. I always feel suffocated and irritated in relationships. Ppl just need to accept that certain people genuinely just want to be single. I LOVE my life. Most of my partnered friends are always p*ssed off.

Well I pity you, because you rely on somebody else to bring you happiness and either you or your partner are destined for a future of misery when one has to live without the other.

It’s not in my nature to say mean things like that - but if you dish it out, you can expect some back.

Look at you with your sweeping generalisations! 🤣
Im so very sorry for you my dear if that’s how you feel and you need a relationship to keep you happy. FYI -if you’re not in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you “have nobody” or are lonely.
Im single half a decade now and it’s been the happiest time of my life 😘

There are also lots of needy men and women out there who can't cope unless they're being take care off. So they jump from relationship to relationship. They only care about themselves.