To challenge a colleague's insensitive behaviour on my friend's behalf?

[NightOwlGirl]

Last week my team was invited to a shared lunch with another team in the same department, the event was organised by managers to promote shared understanding of certain processes. We are lucky enough to have a small kitchen at our office and member of the other team offered to cook pizzas, both meat and vegetarian. One of my good friends and colleague, Emma, is strict vegetarian.

When the pizzas were cooked I observed the team member remove the meat pizzas from the oven followed by the vegetable pizzas using the same utensil. When I saw what he had done I spoke to him and I said "Excuse me but my colleague Emma is a vegetarian, you've just taken the meat pizza out first and then the vegetarian one so you've cross contaminated the two". He looked at me for a moment then laughed and said 'don't worry - she won't mind'. At the point I said quite loudly "How do you know she won't mind? That not for you to decide". This caused other people in the room to stop talking and look up. Feeling slightly embarrassed I left the room. In the end neither me nor Emma took part in the lunch.

I don't regret challenging him, but in hindsight I'm not sure if I could have done it differently. If he had acknowledged his mistake, I wouldn't have raised my voice but it was his casual dismissal and lack of understanding that irritated me. On Friday I had email from my manager saying that the person concerned had emailed her saying that I was unprofessional and I had embarrassed him in front of his colleagues. I don't expect any formal action to come out of this but now I'm worrying that I was unreasonable.

I think walking out was a bit OTT but he was also rude/ignorant.

I know someone who is vegetarian because they are allergic to meat, and they've had reactions from cross-contamination through utensils in cafes, so I don't think you were unreasonable.

Very OTT.

I don't think you were wrong to point out the cross contamination to him. But I think you could have handled the situation more professionally and gone over to Emma and had a private conversation with her and explain the cross contamination issue, and let her be involved in deciding what to do and how to challenge - supporting and advocating for her, rather than speaking for her

So ott and actually I'm not surprised he emailed your boss.

I also don't think there will be another shared lunch to figure out working processes!!

You had a valid point, but if you made it anything like the way you've explained, I think you probably sounded quite arrogant.

On a different note, I can't believe bosses insist on two teams meeting for lunch, and the staff are supposed to cook it??!!

Challenging him in front of others was out of line. Im guessing he got defensive because of your perceived 'attack'. You could have spoken to him discreetly. No need to make a scene. Your behaviour was rude and put him on back foot. I feel bad for him.

I think you were a bit unreasonable. Presumably he slid the pizza out by sliding something underneath, so it wouldn’t have touched the meat? If your colleague was that bothered she should have had a word beforehand - when I’ve done bbqs some veggies ask me to cook on a separate grill, others don’t mind.

I'm a strict vegetarian and wouldn't have eaten the pizza. If he complained about being called out on it then he has a lot to learn about diversity.

The complaint is a fair one.

This is not someone with a responsibility to avoid cross contamination. Most (though not all) vegetarians that I know are for environmental or animal welfare reasons and wouldn’t care about something like a fish slice under the bread part of a meat pizza being used for the vegetarian pizza. They would all see it as their responsibility in a casual environment like this to make sure things were handled in an appropriate way for them. I can imagine it’s the same for him - it did not cross his mind.

Fine to consider educating him - but a more professional way would have been to raise it with the meeting organiser or HR, and tip off Emma to make her immediate decision.

You weren't wrong to point it out, but you were wrong to white knight for someone who might not have even needed it. Pointing it out, then simply letting Emma know about the cross contamination and letting her decide for herself how to handle it would have been the more grown up (and professional) thing to do, rather than yelling at him in front of everyone.

Also kind of removed an opportunity for a learning moment for the Pizza Twat. If Emma had been given the opportunity to explain cross contamination to him he might've actually learned something. Instead he's now going away feeling right and still ignorant.

I think it’s actually an easy mistake to do if it’s not a part of your professional duties. You could do it automatically or you could mistakenly think that it’s ok. So imo you could corrected them more softly without criticizing them. You raised the level of emotions too high and it made getting out of the situation more difficult. However they should have responded differently.

I don’t think leaving was a great idea.

And what was the point in challenging him after the damage had been done? The pizzas had been taken out and were 'cross-contaminated' at that stage. There was no point in having a go at him, there was nothing that could be achieved...so why the anger and feeling of superiority in front of others? He obviously didn't realise and was trying to deflect afterwards from his mistake. Be wise in how you react instead of trying to be a public hero for your friend.

You should have quietly let your friend know what you witnessed and allowed her to make up her own mind.

Dear god. You acted like a dick towards someone at a work team building event. If Emma’s dietary requirements are so restrictive a pizza peel/fish slice coming into contact with the underside of a pizza she should have perhaps considered either being there, serving the pizza, or telling the colleague beforehand to remove the veg one first.

You mucking him out publicly was very rude and pointless - what did you expect him to do after the event? He is not a caterer, and it was nothing more than a thoughtless mistake. No wonder he messaged the boss.

I doubt a small office kitchen would have 2 ovens, and the OP certainly doesn’t sound as if there were. I posted above that most vegetarians I know wouldn’t consider this an issue - same utensil to lift. But I do know one who would consider the same oven cross contamination - heat and moisture, steam, possibility of particles. You didn’t have a problem with that though, so just like your colleague you made a judgement about what was OK. The onus here is for the person with the restriction to manage the situation.

I agree with most of this. Many people would not have even thought about this given the low likelihood of “cross contamination” from using utensil to remove a pizza from the oven- especially if the two pizza’s were cooked in the same oven (and if they were then you were extremely unreasonable to act the way you did- contamination could occur from cooking them together, after all).

If someone is as strict a vegetarian as that- or has a meat allergy- I would say that they need to make those responsible for the catering at the event know beforehand/when things are being prepared so appropriate arrangements can be made. She did not, presumably, so no steps were taken to cater for her specific dietary requirements. If she had, then unless the colleague you lectured was organising the catering, your complaint should still not have been aimed at him- it should have been aimed at whoever organised the catering.

If the interaction went as you have written here, then I think you handled it badly and probably created a problem where there did not need to be one. The colleague who took out the pizza did not need to be “pulled up” and “acknowledge he was wrong”- it’s all very dramatic and unnecessary. All you had to do was let your friend know about the possible cross-contamination and let her decide how to proceed for herself. This allowed her to avoid ingesting any meat contaminated pizza and address it with the organiser, should she feel it necessary. I understand that you were trying to stick up for your friend, but I think you went about it in the wrong way. I think your colleague was right to complain about your handling of the situation and I think you need to be more careful about how you speak to your colleagues in the future.

As an aside, i think lecturing people and embarrassing them publicly seldom leads to effective in “educating’ other people. It usually comes across as officious, patronising, and sometimes outright rude. I think if you behave like this most people become defensive and/or annoyed or upset and thus will be more likely to be dismissive or to disengage, if not actively avoid the “education” process/subject and the person trying to do the educating.

He was trying to help out by cooking the pizzas and he gets berated for his troubles? He’s not a chef. The way it’s written makes it sound like you stood there observing him waiting to catch him out.

If it’s that important to her/you volunteer to sort out the food yourselves next time.

I'd be pissed off if I was spoken to like that... As a fellow colleague just helping getting lunch fixed for everyone - how you've written it here... Comes acorss as berating /rude and embarrassing/humiliating for thr person

I fail to see how using a slice UNDER a meat pizza could lead to cross contamination....

Also, if Emma is allergic to meat /or such high moral values about not having meat prepared anywhere near her food... It is HER responsibility to ensure the preparation /serving is acceptable to her or make alternative arrangements!

What did you want him to do? It was already done 🤷‍♀️ I'm sure it was not intentional. All you did was embarrass him and make yourself look nasty and OTT.

It's an office, not a bloody restaurant.

If he complained about being called out on it then he has a lot to learn about diversity.

Yuck. A common sense response like; being easy-going, politely noting it for the persons future reference and then carrying on trauma/drama free, just eludes certain sectors of our current society.

Both pizzas would have the same base so I don't see how it's contaminating anything, unless anyone's allergic then refusing to eat it is incredibly precious and you were rude reacting like this.

If someone is so strict, they wouldn't eat a pizza that had been cooked in the same oven anyway. Much more likely to have cross-contamination from the meat sizzling onto the veggie pizza than from sliding anything under the base (the bottom of the base is the least likely part of the pizza to touch meat!).

You were being uttely ridiculous, especially because this was not even your battle to fight, but Emma's, who didn't seem to be paying any special attention to the pizzas' preparation, which hints strongly towards her not giving a flying fuck about the matter.

Yes you should have asked him about it but there was no need to raise your voice and be rude. The guy was just using his break to make lunch for everyone. Personally I would have asked him if there had been contamination, then quietly slipped off and got the vegetarian friend a takeaway lunch elsewhere and bought it back to the room for her to eat. I would not have made a fuss, the bloke wasn’t made aware beforehand she was strict vegetarian and he could simply be asked to use a separate spatula when he starts to cook pizza next time.