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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To challenge a colleague's insensitive behaviour on my friend's behalf?

194 replies

NightOwlGirl · 02/06/2024 23:50

Last week my team was invited to a shared lunch with another team in the same department, the event was organised by managers to promote shared understanding of certain processes. We are lucky enough to have a small kitchen at our office and member of the other team offered to cook pizzas, both meat and vegetarian. One of my good friends and colleague, Emma, is strict vegetarian.

When the pizzas were cooked I observed the team member remove the meat pizzas from the oven followed by the vegetable pizzas using the same utensil. When I saw what he had done I spoke to him and I said "Excuse me but my colleague Emma is a vegetarian, you've just taken the meat pizza out first and then the vegetarian one so you've cross contaminated the two". He looked at me for a moment then laughed and said 'don't worry - she won't mind'. At the point I said quite loudly "How do you know she won't mind? That not for you to decide". This caused other people in the room to stop talking and look up. Feeling slightly embarrassed I left the room. In the end neither me nor Emma took part in the lunch.

I don't regret challenging him, but in hindsight I'm not sure if I could have done it differently. If he had acknowledged his mistake, I wouldn't have raised my voice but it was his casual dismissal and lack of understanding that irritated me. On Friday I had email from my manager saying that the person concerned had emailed her saying that I was unprofessional and I had embarrassed him in front of his colleagues. I don't expect any formal action to come out of this but now I'm worrying that I was unreasonable.

OP posts:
AngeloMysterioso · 03/06/2024 08:10

Imagine yelling at a colleague and stropping out of an organised working lunch because he took the pizzas out of the oven in the wrong order, and the person potentially affected isn’t even you.

greedisunappealing · 03/06/2024 08:10

You sound like a right trouble maker. I'm vegetarian and I would FAR rather eat the pizza he pulled out of the oven with the "cross contaminated" tongs that make an enormous entitled fuss and storm off like you did.

Poor Emma, missed out on a meal and made to look like a right tit by you.

You're not the food police, mind your own business.

Piddypigeon · 03/06/2024 08:15

OTT and out of place (and out of interest, how does the meat gross contaminate given that only the bottom/dough but were touching the grill). It's not a case of a serious focus allergy either.

Also, does your friend not have a mouth to talk? I don't think it was your place.

It just all screams virtue signalling to me. Very embarrassing really. I would apologise.

ToxicChristmas · 03/06/2024 08:17

Would a "strict vegetarian" want to eat a pizza with normal cheese cooked in an oven with meat pizzas anyway?
You were completely over the top confronting your colleague and storming off. I'm actually quite embarrassed for you. You could have handled it in a totally different way while still informing Emma and not causing a scene.

elevens24 · 03/06/2024 08:21

I think you were OTT. It was up to Emma to check that she was happy to eat the food and reassure herself that it was done to her liking. It's not a restaurant where the standard is higher. Also It was pizza, not a burger that the utensil touched, so likely a pizza base, and probably no different to the veggie pizza.

Elieza · 03/06/2024 08:23

If Emma had allergies that necessitated the use of different utensils she'd have told him in advance and not left it to chance.

So you didn't really need to get involved.

I get you were concerned though but a quiet word with Emma may have been best to warn her and then she could decide how to proceed, as now it's all a bit awkward.

I was a veggie for years. Wouldn't have bothered me. If it's for religious or allergy reasons that's she's one then that's different though.

Schoolchoicesucks · 03/06/2024 08:27

Crikey OP. Absolutely OTT. Having a quiet word with Emma or the staff member who took the pizzas out of the oven would have been fine. Loudly proclaiming about cross contamination and the "how do you know" part is control freakery.

If Emma is such a strict vegetarian then how does she justify eating pizza cooked in the same oven as the meat pizza - the moisture from the meat will have circulated in the hot temperatures.

You would be straight to the top of my list of colleagues to avoid where ever possible.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 03/06/2024 08:31

My DM is vegan and she wouldn’t have eaten the pizza had the same utensil been used, even touching these base however irrespective of that she wouldn’t have eaten it anyway, and would normally just have taken someone she had prepared herself - always easiest in a non restaurant setting. Although to be fair she rarely eats out as she’s so strict. I do hope you are going to apologise to him.

RampantIvy · 03/06/2024 08:33

Jifmicroliquid · 03/06/2024 08:10

I genuinely didn’t know that. I would have thought that was more vegan territory than vegetarian.

Oh dear.
DD is vegetarian and hates the smell of meat. The idea of eating a veggie kebab that has been cooked on a barbecue that has just cooked sausages or burgers is utterly repulsive to her (and to every vegetarian I have ever met).

It's a little worrying that people don't get this TBH.

PuppyMonkey · 03/06/2024 08:37

Should have just got Domino’s and then you’d never know if cross contamination of utensils had occurred and everyone could have had a nice normal team building event.Grin

LeahMoo · 03/06/2024 08:37

You've got yourself involved in something that was nothing to do with you, and started shouting at him. You were very unprofessional.

YourPithyLilacSheep · 03/06/2024 08:39

I think you overreacted.

Wolfcub · 03/06/2024 08:41

Nobody goes to work to be shouted at by their colleagues. You were completely unprofessional and out of order. You owe the guy an apology at least

Possinass · 03/06/2024 08:41

RampantIvy · 03/06/2024 08:33

Oh dear.
DD is vegetarian and hates the smell of meat. The idea of eating a veggie kebab that has been cooked on a barbecue that has just cooked sausages or burgers is utterly repulsive to her (and to every vegetarian I have ever met).

It's a little worrying that people don't get this TBH.

I've got a vegetarian friend who loves the smell of bacon!
I've also got a friend who two months after becoming vegetarian started telling me how disgusting my dinner smelt in a pub once (Sausage and mash). After the third time of saying it and that she couldn't understand how I could eat something that revolting I just picked up my dinner and moved tables and told her if she comments on my dinner again I will not be eating with her again. She never did it again.

iamtheblcksheep · 03/06/2024 08:46

Depending on your management level within the company you’re done there.

You will always be the nutter that went mad over a pizza.

Start writing your CV if you have career progression goals

Ellie1015 · 03/06/2024 08:47

Did the utensil even touch any meat? Presumably only the pizza base. If the vegetarian collegue was bothered i expect she would be there checking/assisting. But a utensil touching the pizza base is the same as the pizzas sharing an oven to me.

I would have expected that level of concern if a life threatening allergy.

If the utensil did touch the actual meat i would have said "can i help take the next vegi one out with fresh utensils? Just aware vegetarian would rather it hadnt touched meat pizza at all"

You were ott and ruined atmosphere when teams supposed to be coming together.

VeryStressedMum · 03/06/2024 08:50

This sounds ridiculous.
Did your friend Emma know you were doing this and how did it transpire that you both did not take part in the lunch?

If I was Emma I'd be mortified that people thought I sent you over to do that

Delawear · 03/06/2024 08:57

Your workplace was out of line for expecting an untrained person to provide hot food for a team meeting. If anyone had a serious allergic reaction due to cross contamination, or food poisoning, it opens the company up to being sued. So I feel a bit sorry for the pizza cook who was probably out of their comfort zone.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 03/06/2024 08:59

Nah - you were absolutely rude and tried to embarrass him by trying to be some martyr looking out for Emma. Yes - maybe he didn’t know about cross contamination - but you should NOT have berated him. I am not surprised he complained about you - I would have and would expect you to get in trouble for it.

Dymaxion · 03/06/2024 09:04

I think @iamtheblcksheep is probably right. This incident is going to define how people see you.

greedisunappealing · 03/06/2024 09:04

RampantIvy · 03/06/2024 08:33

Oh dear.
DD is vegetarian and hates the smell of meat. The idea of eating a veggie kebab that has been cooked on a barbecue that has just cooked sausages or burgers is utterly repulsive to her (and to every vegetarian I have ever met).

It's a little worrying that people don't get this TBH.

Nah, it's fine. So long as they wipe the grill/barbie down first. It's just life - according to me and every vegetarian I have ever met.

CurlewKate · 03/06/2024 09:09

It was fine to say something-but surely you didn't say it like that? Say you didn't say it like that!

"Hey, hang on a moment-we need to keep the vegetarian ones separate. I'll grab another lifter thing! " in the same tone you'd use to say "Be careful-that's hot! Here's an oven cloth".

Nobody likes being addressed like a public meeting.

Looneytune253 · 03/06/2024 09:11

Wow I think you're way OTT. It would be Emma's issue to raise, not yours and so dramatically too. If she's not allergic then sliding the underneath of the pizzas out with the slice would be no issue at all. Even with an allergy it would likely be no issue but I would understand the need for (appropriate) caution then. Poor bloke was probably mortified with that.

Growlybear83 · 03/06/2024 09:14

aurynne · 03/06/2024 05:36

If someone is so strict, they wouldn't eat a pizza that had been cooked in the same oven anyway. Much more likely to have cross-contamination from the meat sizzling onto the veggie pizza than from sliding anything under the base (the bottom of the base is the least likely part of the pizza to touch meat!).

You were being uttely ridiculous, especially because this was not even your battle to fight, but Emma's, who didn't seem to be paying any special attention to the pizzas' preparation, which hints strongly towards her not giving a flying fuck about the matter.

Edited

I agree with this. You really weren't being ridiculous and I'm not at all surprised thr man complained about you!!

NewKnickersNewName · 03/06/2024 09:16

I think the phrase "cross contamination" is itself OTT.
We are not talking about Sepsis or Ebola.
Surely you could find different words. Y'know less challenging so colleague didn't get defensive as he heard you speak.