To challenge a colleague's insensitive behaviour on my friend's behalf?

[NightOwlGirl]

Last week my team was invited to a shared lunch with another team in the same department, the event was organised by managers to promote shared understanding of certain processes. We are lucky enough to have a small kitchen at our office and member of the other team offered to cook pizzas, both meat and vegetarian. One of my good friends and colleague, Emma, is strict vegetarian.

When the pizzas were cooked I observed the team member remove the meat pizzas from the oven followed by the vegetable pizzas using the same utensil. When I saw what he had done I spoke to him and I said "Excuse me but my colleague Emma is a vegetarian, you've just taken the meat pizza out first and then the vegetarian one so you've cross contaminated the two". He looked at me for a moment then laughed and said 'don't worry - she won't mind'. At the point I said quite loudly "How do you know she won't mind? That not for you to decide". This caused other people in the room to stop talking and look up. Feeling slightly embarrassed I left the room. In the end neither me nor Emma took part in the lunch.

I don't regret challenging him, but in hindsight I'm not sure if I could have done it differently. If he had acknowledged his mistake, I wouldn't have raised my voice but it was his casual dismissal and lack of understanding that irritated me. On Friday I had email from my manager saying that the person concerned had emailed her saying that I was unprofessional and I had embarrassed him in front of his colleagues. I don't expect any formal action to come out of this but now I'm worrying that I was unreasonable.

Totally over the top, you should not have got involved. This is Emma’s responsibility and you could have quietly had a word with her and she could have made an informed decision. loudly calling out a colleague is just not on. Leaving the team bonding exercise over that is gobsmacking. Totally unprofessional and downright rude.
If Emma is very strict it’s up to her to inform people and/or intervene in cooking to make sure there is no cross contamination from the outset.
I’ve never come across a vegetarian that was so strict that this would be a problem to them so I can totally understand why your colleague was casual about it. The base of the pizza is bread. It’s fairly unlikely that any meat from the top of the pizza was in contact with the base and then that would in turn contact the piece that Emma might have eaten. It’s much more likely that contamination would happen in the oven from dripping if the meat one was placed above the veggie one. Did you check that? Did Emma check that?
I would recommend apologising to your colleague and explaining to management that it was a temporary lapse in judgement and you appreciate that you handled the situation very badly.

If he had acknowledged his mistake, I wouldn't have raised my voice but it was his casual dismissal and lack of understanding that irritated me

This stood out to me. That is not how to behave in the workplace and I’m surprised no one has complained about you before. You don’t raise your voice at colleagues. Seriously, who do you think you are?

You were completely inappropriate and unreasonable to challenge him like that and then flounce off. I have dietary requirements for religious purposes and my son has food allergies - I wouldn’t expect anyone to behave like that on my behalf. I would expect them to tell me if there’s a concern and I can make a decision, but not act as my unelected representative, scolding colleagues on my behalf.

The more I think about this - you raised your voice at a colleague??? Very rude and unprofessional. You need to apologise with no reservations.

Yes, this was unreasonable. It is just not OK to be raising your voice in a professional environment.

I think that pp are right that this will colour how you are viewed now. I would be looking elsewhere.

It's not at all OTT when talking about life threatening allergies or coeliac. It's an important consideration in day to day life.

Utterly ridiculous in this case though.

Exactly. I’m an ethical vegetarian, who is realistic about same utensils or proximity on barbecues in domestic situations. Some people project all kinds of stuff onto me, like imagining I’m going to be grossed out or weeping for the dead animal if they eat a steak in front of me, when I grew up on a farm killing chickens too old to lay and eating the pet calf annually.

@NightOwlGirl
You have said on other threads about your job that you're on your manager's radar for underperforming in your role, though you dispute this.

Is it the same manager that Pizza man has complained to?

That would be an issue for me personally but the pizza wasn't cooked on a barbecue that had just had meat on it.

It's not at all worrying that people can understand the difference between what happened and your hypothetical scenario.

I have Coeliac disease so the risk of cross contamination is a medical / health one rather than a choice. That said it is my responsibility to ensure my food is not contaminated. If I cook at home I have control. In a restaurant they usually understand and know what to do. In an office where people have no idea it’s ludicrous to think someone should understand the risk of cross contamination. You were unreasonable and so was your very friend for not being clear and or taking control of the cooking for themselves if they are that worried.

If your colleague was in a position that cross contamination was an issue, the onus was entirely on her to make this clear beforehand and she should have volunteered to do the veggie ones.

If she said nothing in advance, he did nothing wrong and you were rude and inappropriate.

Tricky one. I'm vegan and personally if I knew that food was being cooked in same oven as non-vegan food I'd bring my own seperately or offer to serve up the food so I'd know what had touched what. I don't expect non-vegans to automatically know how I feel about cross-contamination.

In future maybe some colour coded utensils and chopping boards is a way forward if needed.

She should have taken more responsibility for her food if that was the case.

My husband is a coeliac cross contamination is a massive risk he'd not take the risk in that scenario as people aren't sufficiently aware which is understandable

And yup sorry you've made yourself look a right knob

YABU. If he removed it with the same utensil then it was a pizza slice or similar which would not have touched any meat. If your friend was that strict a vegetarian, then she should have let the hosts know. You were unprofessional and made rather a tit of yourself I’m afraid.

Another coeliac here: I wouldn't dream of behaving like this. Firstly, the onus is on ME to take responsibility for my dietary requirements and not a colleague.

Maybe, your pal should have elected to cook her own food first. Failing that, if she is that sensitive then it probably would have been a good idea to bring her own lunch.

This.

You sound terribly pompous OP.

Can Emma not speak for herself?

I think you might have missed my earlier comment about the spatula not touching the meat, and therefore this would be a non issue.

Then you’d make yourself look ridiculous.

What utensils were used to cause the cross contamination? I deal with vegan and meat variations of food daily (for my family, me being the vegan) so just wondering what was used to take out the pizzas that caused cross contamination?

A complaint about a colleague yelling at you in front of others? No, she won’t be the one who looks ridiculous.

Oh my gawd, how cringy of you!
Perhaps next time you and Emma sort your own food separately away from others and let them enjoy their lunch in peace. Awful for the poor chap just helping out!

“Yelling”? So OTT. If this person does make a complaint, OP could rightly point out that things only escalated because he was unnecessarily dismissive when challenged. “Oh well, she won’t mind” - how on earth would he know that? Okay, you could argue that the OP didn’t either, but he didn’t have to assume and dismiss the concerns.

He’s already shown himself for what he is by going straight to the OP’s boss instead of talking to her about it privately. A power CC rarely demonstrates good intentions or judgement.

For what??

When the pizzas were cooked I observed the team member remove the meat pizzas from the oven followed by the vegetable pizzas using the same utensil.

The utensil touched the under side of cooked pizza dough it did not touch meat. There was no cross contamination.

Why didn’t you just tell Emma and let her decide for herself. Completely over the top behaviour and so childish to both leave in a sulk.

OP, if you ever come back to the thread, could you explain what you said in your OP?

"I don't expect any formal action to come out of this but now I'm worrying that I was unreasonable."

Why? Why don't you expect formal action when you shouted at a colleague in front of others and embarrassed them?

And given the fact you stated the other week you're avoiding formal action due to underperformance, do you not think you're skating on very thin ice?

If you were going to complain to anyone, you should've had the balls to complain to the company for demanding two teams meet over lunch, and not providing it.

This problem was caused by the company, not the colleague who ended up doing the skivvying.