To challenge a colleague's insensitive behaviour on my friend's behalf?

[NightOwlGirl]

Last week my team was invited to a shared lunch with another team in the same department, the event was organised by managers to promote shared understanding of certain processes. We are lucky enough to have a small kitchen at our office and member of the other team offered to cook pizzas, both meat and vegetarian. One of my good friends and colleague, Emma, is strict vegetarian.

When the pizzas were cooked I observed the team member remove the meat pizzas from the oven followed by the vegetable pizzas using the same utensil. When I saw what he had done I spoke to him and I said "Excuse me but my colleague Emma is a vegetarian, you've just taken the meat pizza out first and then the vegetarian one so you've cross contaminated the two". He looked at me for a moment then laughed and said 'don't worry - she won't mind'. At the point I said quite loudly "How do you know she won't mind? That not for you to decide". This caused other people in the room to stop talking and look up. Feeling slightly embarrassed I left the room. In the end neither me nor Emma took part in the lunch.

I don't regret challenging him, but in hindsight I'm not sure if I could have done it differently. If he had acknowledged his mistake, I wouldn't have raised my voice but it was his casual dismissal and lack of understanding that irritated me. On Friday I had email from my manager saying that the person concerned had emailed her saying that I was unprofessional and I had embarrassed him in front of his colleagues. I don't expect any formal action to come out of this but now I'm worrying that I was unreasonable.

I don't think you were technically unreasonable, but don't think you needed to raise your voice or draw attention to it. You made your point though. Hope it blows over quickly.

lol no reply from the op? That's a shocker

Another vegetarian here and I would not have been happy with a colleague doing this for me. I really couldn't care less that the undersides of the pizzas were touched by the same utensils. If I go to a pizza place they will cook my pizza in the same space that meat pizzas has been cooked before mine, I will still eat it and I wouldn't expect them to have a separate oven for vegetarian pizzas. It's the same thing as what you have a problem with it that the undersides of the pizzas have been touched by the same thing.

Well that wasn't really challenging' him was it?

Just rude and pathetic shouting from yourself. Hardly a thought out 'challenge'

This just adds to my belief that people who enjoy "calling out" other people's behaviour should be avoided as much as possible.

I’m a ceoliac so very aware of cross contamination. Unless I am missing something removing a pizza involves putting something under the pizza so the utensil would be touching the dough on both pizzas? If this is what happened then sorry it was a bit OTT.

I'm vegetarian too and would be horrified if you'd taken another colleague to task in that way, on my behalf. Not eating meat is my choice not an issue which requires an entire work place to attend a diversity training course. Vegetarians were being catered for, just not by someone with catering training.

You could casually have mentioned that it would have been better to remove the veggie pizza first if he was going to use the same utensil for the meat pizza but really unless the toppings were touched I can't see the cross contamination issue.

If I had a religious or health reason for needing separate utensils to be used I would have taken responsibility for informing the person catering. It's unreasonably demanding to expect someone to anticipate the needs of every other person attending. Adults need to adult rather than whining like children because they weren't made to feel special.

I agree

I'm vegetarian, I wouldn't use the same utensil at home but when out I accept this kind of thing, particularly if it really just touched the bottoms. If I was the cook ,I'd have been annoyed and if I was your vegetarian friend I'd have been fed up too for making me look fussy, separating me from the group and then not being able to join in the lunch. I would apologise, say you've realised you spoke out of turn and it came out more forcefully than you intended. Pull your horns in next time.

I wonder if Emma would have eaten the pizza but felt like she couldn't after you'd made a fuss?

I see you were trying to help but you seem to have been quite activated by the situation. Can Emma not stand up for herself?

They always go very quiet when the reaction isn't what they wanted!

The bottom of the pizzas would be touching the same surfaces (tray, shelf, utensil etc) so it was never going to be completely separate for the veggie pizza.

I’m similar to your vegetarian friend and I think your heart was in the right place but I wouldn’t have got involved and just given my friend a heads up that he used the same utensil, then your friend could make up her own mind.

Unfortunately, it does sound like you thought this was his job to do this, when actually it was a volunteer offering to do a team building activity to promote understanding, so I can see why he felt embarrassed.

Why didn’t Emma take part?

Pretty much what everyone else has said. Not sure why you and Emma had to flounce out though. That does make you both look ridiculous

You were really rude to someone who was just trying to be nice & get pizzas cooked for the team. Surely a spatula underneath would not have touched any of the meat topping anyway? I'm not surprised he made a complaint about you. 🍕

There are several vegetarians in my family, none would have a problem with shared utensils, unless she's allergic then you were totally OTT and very rude.

Also, as the parent of a child who does have to be careful about cross contamination for allergy reasons, I'd be really unimpressed at you choosing this issue to get at someone from the other team.

Is that normal for vegetarians to be so strict about shared utensils? I thought they just avoided eating meat?
Surely her pizza cooking in the same oven as a meat one was also a problem then?

I think this is all a bit OTT I’m afraid.

Is that normal for vegetarians to be so strict about shared utensils? I thought they just avoided eating meat?

If the utensil has actually touched the meat, yes.

When we barbecue we always cook the veggie food first before putting any meat on the barbecue.

@NightOwlGirl being honest while you were right to tell him (some people really don’t realise and need to be told) he will feel as though you publicly showed him up - whether or not intentionally) and his reaction has been to complain. So he is also wrong - and your relationship is soured. I would apologise and say you’re sorry, in the heat of the moment you were just concerned about Emma (because what if she had an allergy for example) but actually a) should have told her and let her decide b) shouldn’t
have drawn attention to his error publicly and you wish you’d handled it differently.

Also, you say you and Emma didn’t then take part and you left the room - which would have drawn even more attention to it. You could say that you realise that walking out looks a bit childish/unprofessional but in fact you were a bit embarrassed as you realise your good intentions went a bit wrong 🤯.

We all make mistakes and this could have happened with external food being plated up or all
manner of situations.

You should be worried that 'something formal will come of it' I'd be putting in a formal complaint against you with regard to the way you spoke to me at a joint lunch event in front of my colleagues.

Your behaviour was very unprofessional and frankly unacceptable.

I wouldn't have raised my voice if he'd acknowledged his mistake do you regularly raise your voice at colleagues?

Not everyone can know and be aware about every issue/difference others have all the time. Especially just normal working people. Someone likely just was trying to be helpful and get the pizzas organised. And if not a vegetarian himself just genuinely wasn't thinking. Getting food these days in some places can be a nightmare. I work in a small team of 6. One vegetarian. One vegan. One Muslim. One gluten free. Two who will eat most things but not absolutely everything. We just don't really get group lunches anymore other than individual sandwiches or similar. Pizza almost caused WW3 last time so that will never happen now.

You beat me to it! If I’d been pizza slice man I’d have had a lot to say!

Doesn’t it just.

What are the chances the OP never comes back to this thread then it magically gets deleted for being outing (but it’s actually because they didn’t get the responses they wanted….)

I’m thinking very high.

I genuinely didn’t know that. I would have thought that was more vegan territory than vegetarian.