Caught brother and sil laughing at my dp behind back

[IRole]

Ok so the title may be slightly exaggerated.

Dp is young but sort of old beyond his years which is fine. But he has to do things his way and is very rigid. Dp and I have spoken about seeking a formal diagnosis for autism as he fits many of the symptoms. Anyway, works for us as I like his planning nature as I am a the opposite.

Recently dp and I had plans with brother and SIL to do an activity. It involved a three hour drive which was perfectly pleasant. Anyway, as we arrived at the destination for this activity Dp just bolts and is like a man on the mission. He is bolting to get said activity going. Now there was no time sensitivity and we had all the time in the world. Any way as I’m trying to tell him to just take in the moment and chill, I catch BIL and sister roll their eyes and start to stifle laughter. It was that type of hysterical laughter which you have to separate to stop. I could see SIL basically motioning at brother to stop looking at her. It was not done in an obnoxious way. But it stung.

100% DP’s behaviour was odd for the group setting and he was not picking up on the social dynamic.

im just hurt. Brother and SIL did reference the behaviour but im embarrassed.

AIBU?

We're all different but I couldn't get fussed over this.

If they found his behaviour funny, they found it funny 🤷‍♂️

I think it would be best to let this go. It sounds as if your DP was being a bit odd and your brother and SIL weren't trying to be unkind- in fact they were trying to stifle their giggles. Better to accept that your DP has his quirks and and that's fine- it doesn't mean that they don't like him or he's a bad person, just part of the rich tapestry of life.

We are all mid to late 20s.

It sounds like your dps behaviour just hit their funny bone but they tried their best to be polite and hide it. Sometimes you can't help what you find funny. I understand why you feel the way you do but I would let this go. I have an autistic dh and I understand that you can feel protective sometimes but I also have to accept that his behaviour does seem odd to others at times. It genuinely doesn't bother dh what others think of him so I just try and embrace that.

You said they weren’t laughing in an obnoxious way, so I’d let this go. They were finding his inexplicable and single-minded eagerness funny: he doesn’t have a diagnosis of ASD and they (presumably) don’t know the two of you have talked about him seeking one, so they’re just finding amusement in the situation rather than mocking a condition. We have a friend who we laughingly call Captain Faff because he’s the opposite, it will take forever for him to get ready and going. He knows he does it and can laugh along.

I see this from both sides. DD is autistic so I'm sensitive to how others perceive her behaviour BUT it's also a natural social function to review other's behaviour. So I understand why your brother and SIL commented on it to each other, albeit silently, as that's how we function socially. They were rude to do that in front of you though, that was poor behaviour.

Having that diagnosis does seem to help reduce people's comments on behaviour, in my experience. It sort of says 'be more understanding of differences'.

No this shouldn't be let go. I'm the partner of a wonderful and thankfully sometimes oblivious asd man (also 3 asd children) and if my family members did this I most certainly would pull them up on it, it's rude, it's disrespectful and it's down right hurtful to do it behind someone's back.

I know people like your DP and sometimes they really make me laugh. It is def affectionate though. I wouldn't worry about it but understand your concern. How are they with him the rest of the time?

I mean it sounds like it would be quite funny to watch if a grown man literally sprinted across a car park or similar to get to a non time sensitive activity with 3 other adults! That would probably tickle me too.

Ach let it go, sometimes someone does something and it makes us laugh, as you said, not malicious but we can’t help it. Sometimes you just start laughing and then struggle to stop,

I think maybe more you feel embarassed about it. And I’m afraid you’re going to have to accept that being with him means sometimes people will react in ways you don’t like to unexpected behaviour.

So dp did not see this as he was quite far ahead. Brother and SiL were behind us and I turned to check on them and saw this response.

I could tell they were trying to end the reaction and be subtle.

But no one likes to be laughed at, you know?

Oh perfectly fine. We are well mannered people.

The OP doesn't know if she has an 'asd man' though.

Therefore, it's unlikely the OP's brother and SIL would know one way or the other either.

Infact they may not even know it's suspected.

Well you are going to have to get used to it.

Yes but I think many of us would have been amused and they were trying to stop it. I mean you clearly weren’t exaggerating when you said he bolted if he was quite far ahead, if they meant no harm let it go. They weren’t laughing at him as such, simply his behaviour in that moment as it was just very excitable and young,

I think it really depends on the nature of the laughter. Laughter that conveys, "Oh, there he goes again," in a teasing but ultimately loving way, that might be accompanied by a cheery, "we're not up against the clock, X!" - I'd let it go. It is a bit amusing when someone is raring to go like that.

Laughter that's cruel, or mocking, or in the spirit of "he just doesn't get it does he, what a weirdo..." - no, that's unkind. I guess the question is, do your DS and BIL like DP and otherwise include him? If so, I'd let this go.

I have an ND DH and DS. If we didn't laugh at some of the things they do, we wouldn't be human and life would be a lot more dull. It was objectively funny when my DH told a departing colleague, "have a nice life!" But we never mock them.

Was it funny though?

They found it funny, they were behind you and showed their amusement to each other.

I'm sorry, but your DP's behaviour was odd and I'd have laughed (assuming that you couldn't see) too.

Actually I might even have laughed if I'd been standing with you, assuming you'd find it funny too.