Caught brother and sil laughing at my dp behind back

[IRole]

Ok so the title may be slightly exaggerated.

Dp is young but sort of old beyond his years which is fine. But he has to do things his way and is very rigid. Dp and I have spoken about seeking a formal diagnosis for autism as he fits many of the symptoms. Anyway, works for us as I like his planning nature as I am a the opposite.

Recently dp and I had plans with brother and SIL to do an activity. It involved a three hour drive which was perfectly pleasant. Anyway, as we arrived at the destination for this activity Dp just bolts and is like a man on the mission. He is bolting to get said activity going. Now there was no time sensitivity and we had all the time in the world. Any way as I’m trying to tell him to just take in the moment and chill, I catch BIL and sister roll their eyes and start to stifle laughter. It was that type of hysterical laughter which you have to separate to stop. I could see SIL basically motioning at brother to stop looking at her. It was not done in an obnoxious way. But it stung.

100% DP’s behaviour was odd for the group setting and he was not picking up on the social dynamic.

im just hurt. Brother and SIL did reference the behaviour but im embarrassed.

AIBU?

it’s sort of funny from their viewpoint I can see that but also unkind from your viewpoint that they were stifling giggles at someone you have feelings for, therefore they are being a bit insensitive. Yeah I’d be annoyed. Some people just have no empathy.

Sometimes you can’t stop yourself laughing. They were polite and tried.

I think maybe you’re embarassed he did that in front of them. I actually think it is better go good nature laugh and rib someone gently than be embarrassed of them.

Probably better that they took some humour from the situation than got annoyed with your partner's behaviour. If they are amused by his particular ways then it sounds as though they are accepting of them.

I understand why you would feel hurt and embarrassed though.

We had factored in traffic for the journey but there was hardly any in the end. So made very good time and were ahead of schedule.

The rest of the day was nice.

I can see both sides. Yes it’s not nice to see someone have a laugh at your partner, but realistically all couples talk about their friends/family and have their own hang ups and inside jokes.

It seems to be a theme on threads here that people never want to just speak up and say things when they feel bothered - if you can’t pull up your own brother on things, who can you pull up?! Is it really such a big deal to ring your brother and say look I was a little caught off guard by that, is something wrong, did you have a good day otherwise? I don’t think everything has to be a confrontation or argument, but I understand family dynamics can vary greatly.

Depends what kind of family you come from. We take the piss out of each other all the time. 100% eye rolling, pretending to nod off if someone is talking, laughing if someone falls over ect.. but we’d probably help them bury a dead body if the need arises 😬

Probably better that they took some humour from the situation than got annoyed with your partner's behaviour. If they are amused by his particular ways then it sounds as though they are accepting of them.

Actually this is a very good point.

The phrase "If I didn't laugh, I'd cry" might be relevant to them here.

2 years

Sorry I don’t understand the question

I can't really see why it was so hysterically funny tbh. But would he have been ok if they'd ribbed him about it? Would he have seen the funny side? I think it would have been better if they'd involved him in the joke rather than sniggering behind his back. They could have called out 'Give us a chance!' or something. It's tricky to know without knowing the family dynamic though I think.

surely its more hurtful to do it to someone's face?

OP's DP hasn't actually been diagnosed with anything, and there's nothing to say that her sister/BIL have even been told that's something they are thinking about.

Therefore to them, it's just a funny personality quirk/mildly annoying habt.

Teasing one another about personality quirks or occasionally getting a bit annoyed by them is completely normal in any close family or friend group - do none of you really EVER have a giggle or roll your eyes at the messy brother, or the chronically late mother, or the father who says he's ready to go then sits on the toilet for half an hour, or the grandad who forgets to put his hearing aids on, or the new mum fussing over the PFB, or the friend who is a VEGAN and makes sure everybody knows it, etc....?

It doesn't' mean they don't like him, just that everybody is a bit annoying sometimes, and if you spend a lot of time with people occasionally they will do something that you find annoying/funny and vice versa.

I'm with you OP, I think their behaviour was unkind.

I also think there's a difference between laughing at your own parents or siblings, and laughing at someone's partner.

I'd think it was very odd and rather funny if having arrived at our destination a grown man just ran away.

I think they shouldn't have allowed themselves the fun of mocking him behind his back where there was a good chance you would see them. It is insulting when someone does this in a way that suggests you are too oblivious or stupid to notice a fairly open behaviour.

However I think most of your negative emotion comes from being confronted with a really obvious incidence of his odd social behaviour (and his total lack of response to your efforts to bring him back on track) combined with their normal but mildly unkind reaction. This sets out clearly what you are taking on by being with him, despite his many good qualities and the fact that some of his quirks actually work really well for you.

But it was not deliberate. I mean they pulled up and he ran away, leaving them behind as he was so excited,I’d probably have laughed as well,at the sight of it and the op chasing after him.

Weren't you also rolling your eyes when he darted off? In a gentle 'What's he like?!' way.

They had the reaction that most people would in that situation, but sometimes it gets amplified if you're laughing along with someone else. They weren't taking the piss, just sharing a giggle over something quite amusing.

I'd probably shout 'run Forrest run' after him.

It was a 3 hour journey. We had planned for the journey taking closer to 3.5 hours maybe longer but the bank holiday traffic was not as bad as we thought. We also left earlier so time was not an issue at all.

Plus the location is the activity. When you are there you are there.

It is odd and funny. You could tell your bro and sil that you're aware he has some odd traits but he's wonderful and kind etc. and that you both suspect he's on the autism spectrum.
Being open about it will change the dynamics to a more positive one.