Fall out with Grandson

[LadySmurf]

Recently I was asked to look after my two grandsons 14 & 8. The 14yo can be a handful with his behaviour and language, but we had a lovely time together, I took them out for the day and they wanted to sleep over. The next morning, 14yo was stroppy and swearing - I asked him to stop and not talk like that. The 8yo said “Mum said if you’re naughty they’ll take away your Xbox for a week” well it was like a red rag. He started shouting and swearing at me - then he punched me in the stomach. I’m very sad and horrified to say, I smacked his face in a reactive moment. When his parents came, I explained what happened and said sorry to him. They said he would apologise the next day - but nothing.
They took him home and now a month on, I’ve not had any contact with him, only the rest of the family.
I saw him yesterday when I visited their house. I said hello and asked how he was? He ignored me and told his brother he hates me.
Its his birthday next week - I don’t feel like giving him a gift. should I still? AIBU?

I think give a gift but at some stage sit him down alone and explain that punching people and shouting and swearing is not good, ask for an apology and then give a big hug when he does apologise and then let that be an end to it.

He has a lot of challenges if he is acting like this, and you have a good chance to teach him about saying sorry.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Have the parents punished him for punching you? They hold blame here; they are clearly not managing his behaviour to the extent that he thinks it is ok to swear and to punch a woman, let alone his grandmother, in the stomach?
You have no reason to be horrified at your slap.

There are serious problems here, have you spoken to his parents about what is going on?

If he is punching people his behaviour is very serious.

What is the family - his immediate family and possibly if appropriate the wider family - doing to get him help and change this behaviour?

You should absolutely not have been punched, I hope that goes without saying. However a parent-ordered apology is not going to make anything better, I'd want to understand why he is behaving so badly.

What in the actual hell, he punched you in the stomach!? I’m assuming you are his nan? No gift, absolutely not. I can’t imagine any of us punching our gran in the stomach let alone one of the boys.

I feel like theres a lot of minimising going on here. It’s utterly appalling behaviour, if my borther had punched my gran in the stomach he would have definitely got a slap from her and no-one would have thought he deserved an apology. We are very anti hitting in my family but would completely understand that reaction to being punched.

He punched you and his parents did nothing!!! I don't think your reaction was unreasonable. He's 14 not 4. If my 14 ds punched me it would hurt a lot! I think you need to talk to the parents, ideally whichever one is your child immediately. They are condoning his behaviour. I wouldn't be getting a gift. A card - maybe but no present until this was sorted. I'm shocked this has been swept under the carpet. I understand you're worried about a wider family upset but he has been given signal it's OK to do this.

Is this a joke?

The OP got punched, her reaction was completely normal and better than he'd likely receive if he did that to someone he wasn't related to.

Absolute horseshit. Did you miss the part where he PUNCHED HIS GRANNY IN THE STOMACH?

And this is exactly why teenagers get out of hand!

People like this allowing them to act without consequence and excusing vile behaviour as "just being a teenager"!

I would find it hard to forgive a teenager who punched me in the stomach.

Honestly once you get to the stage of punching your gran and not immediately begging for forgiveness then you are pretty far gone tbh. Whichever one of his parents is your kid should have got an earful from you for this. It’s not on you to make amends.

I’m actually disgusted by this.

A defensive slap when you have been punched - the op.was not unreasonable imo

It was a reaction. If any of my kids punched me my reaction would probably be to punch them back. What a vile boy. The parents should have punished him and taken away his x box permanently.
No I wouldn’t get him a birthday present and I wouldn’t have anything to do with him again until he apologised. You don’t go round hitting people especially not your nan!

No gift. He assaulted you. This is very serious. I wonder what goes on at home that he's behaving like this? Does he just do what he likes?

@Cicciabella what! An unprovoked punched from a 14 year old would be very frightening and the slap is self defense. If it had been a stranger police would be involved. I cannot believe you're saying the OP could now be responsible for damaging the 14yo. You might be right he is being neglected but it's not by the OP. You need to get perspective

What have been the consequences for him assaulting an older woman?
He sounds like a thug.
What are his parents doing?
You reacted to a shocking assault.
Only on MN would that be criticised.
I have NEVER heard of a grandmother being assaulted by a teen grandchild.
He should be reported to the police.
He's completely out of control.

At 14 the grandson is likely as big or bigger than the OP. I find it staggering that there is a poster trolling here. Shameful. If a young man is not taken to task for punching a woman in the stomach Wtaf is the world coming to. @LadySmurf you reacted defensively in that moment and it was reasonable. No gift. You urgently need to speak with his parents, ask them if they condone violence against women, one day it’ll be this young man’s partner or some dude in a bar who’ll potentially seriously injure him punching him back. Sure he has issues, but coddling him won’t help.
editing to add: I am sorry you went through this, it’s so horrible, especially the fallout after.

Ps no present or card ino - the parents need to make their aggressive violent brat apologise

No sorry. She was assaulted & reacted. This is a ridiculous post intended to shame OP. Shame on you!!

OP- you’ve apologised, you’ve explained. You were punched in the stomach. This teenager needs to learn it’s NEVER ok to hit someone especially a woman. Do not feel bad, do not apologise any further. Id send a card for his birthday as you love him & he’s your grandson but his parents should be making him apologise too.

I don't agree with minimising what happened - a 14yo punching someone is very serious.

It's important to look into why this young person is behaving so very badly and help him change it.

I wouldn't be able to just brush this off. He's 14 not a toddler, most 14 year old boys are taller than me.

Are his parents getting him any professional help for his outbursts?

It sounds like his parents may have decided that he's too difficult for you to handle right now.

Personally I would have got him to apologise but his parents might be fighting bigger battles.

Does he have a history of difficult behaviour? Any diagnoses that might help explain?

Get him a present. He shouldn't have punched you but until you have time to find out what is going on and make a more considered decision don't change from what your would normally do,

Wrong, Wrong, Wrong!
The parents need to take responsibility for their son. If my son or daughter did that to their Nan, I can't even imagine what sort of punishment they would get (not physical). I have been kicked in the stomach by my daughter before it hurts mentally and physically. And it's hard not to react. OP, I hope you are ok

That was to @Cicciabella Btw

I wouldn't be even considering a card or gift for a 14 year old who had done this. And bloody shame on his parents who are not managing this. My DD would be devastated and furious with GS if he did this to me. Hitting him back sounds like a on the spur of the moment reaction and certainly forgivable. he needs to be told what could happen to him if he did that to another tennage boy. Nasty little coward