Fall out with Grandson

[LadySmurf]

Recently I was asked to look after my two grandsons 14 & 8. The 14yo can be a handful with his behaviour and language, but we had a lovely time together, I took them out for the day and they wanted to sleep over. The next morning, 14yo was stroppy and swearing - I asked him to stop and not talk like that. The 8yo said “Mum said if you’re naughty they’ll take away your Xbox for a week” well it was like a red rag. He started shouting and swearing at me - then he punched me in the stomach. I’m very sad and horrified to say, I smacked his face in a reactive moment. When his parents came, I explained what happened and said sorry to him. They said he would apologise the next day - but nothing.
They took him home and now a month on, I’ve not had any contact with him, only the rest of the family.
I saw him yesterday when I visited their house. I said hello and asked how he was? He ignored me and told his brother he hates me.
Its his birthday next week - I don’t feel like giving him a gift. should I still? AIBU?

Normal 14 year old boys do not go around punching women, this is horrendous and I'm so shocked as I imagine you were when you reacted with a slap. I have a 14yo and he's nearly 6ft. I don't think you owe him an apology and in fact I'd be demanding the parents get him to apologise to me.

There must be something more going on with him, what on earth are his parents doing allowing him to carry on like this? I have my 14yo son sat next to me right now all 6ft of him and he wouldn't dream of punching anyone, let alone his grandmother, he also doesn't swear at us even if he's a bit grumpy sometimes.

This. What did his parents say? Why hasn't he apologised to you?

I would not give a gift.

It isn’t in question that, his behaviour was abhorrent, and I think ringing the police would be a good wake up call, but losing control and hitting a child is never okay.

The OP, an older woman, has been the victim of male violence. He probably really hurt her.
And you're wittering on about "a child".

Absolutely this. My god. Don't write him letters and don't give gifts. Tell his parents to deal with him and his gaming issues.

@ByPeachSeal have you ever been a victim of assault? People react instinctively. Tell me, how was OP supposed to know the punch was the end of the assault? Honestly, you need to take a look at yourself and your posts on this thread, you're coming across as sanctimonious and quite frankly, stupid.

This. I am actually in shock. If I had done this to any relative as a child, my father would have marched me to the nearest police station. If my kids were to, I would be doing the same, and there would be no minimising of it. Their feet would not touch the floor.

What sanctions did his parents impose on him for assaulting you, OP? Your post doesn't mention anything beyond them saying he would apologise.

If my DSS had punched his granny when he was a teen, he would have been grounded and not allowed any treats or privileges for months.

If she just stood there and took it it’s quite likely he would have punched her again. Why wouldn’t he, if there was no immediate repercussion? Slapping him obviously made him stop - clearly self defence.

Bloody hell - we were all teenagers once, some of us is challenging households, and it was never ok to behave like that!!

Perhaps it was "only" one punch because the op responded with a slap. Whose to say he would have stopped at one punch if she's stood there and said "now now that's not very nice, do you want a hot chocolate and a cuddle?"

Load of bullshit. He attacked her and she has the right to defend herself.

The fact the little shit hasn't apologised either - if he were my son and he attacked his grandmother like that he would never see his xbox again.

He's sulking because he's actually faced a real consequence of his actions, being physically hurt in return, and he doesn't like it. Maybe the little shit will learn a lesson before he does it to someone that will do more than slap him.

@ByPeachSeal I am not engaging with you anymore. Its like speaking to a toddler with their eyes closed

You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about, I would have slapped him too - hard. No wonder some teenagers think they can do what they like. I wouldn't give him a gift or have him in my house until I received a genuine apology, which I dont think you'll get given the time which has passed.

He is 14 not 4. He is using standover tactics and violence against women already. His parents have created a massive problem.

I wouldn’t buy him any gifts for his birthday either - maybe send a card.

No your reaction is wrong! I can't believe you just wrote that.

@LadySmurf what have the parents said about all this?
(Apart from that they would get him to apologise the next day)

I would step back and not see him before you are told there have been some consequences and receivie an apology. Teenagers get away with so much shit it's unbelievable.

Poor boy, yes best buy him something to save his embarrassment from punching his grandmother...

I’d send a card saying that you love him and are willing to listen if he wants to talk about what happened.
Olive branch but no gift.

Isn't the age of criminal responsibility set at 10 in England? I know in Scotland it's 12. If I was his parent I'd be very worried about his behaviour.

@ByPeachSea I understand perfectly, don't try and put me down!

If you're teaching your daughters to accept make violence, then shame on you!

I'm glad 99% of posters are decent parents

You 'can't believe' someone wouldn't buy a present for someone who punched them and hasn't apologised?

@ByPeachSeal I spent the first half of my career teaching troubled 16 year old boys in a specialist setting, using calm, empathetic and (obviously) non violent methods. Yet even I do not judge OP for her instinctive slap.

I'm a grandparent now, and I simply can't imagine the horror of being screamed at, sworn at and punched in the stomach by a grandchild I love dearly. The shock and distress must be awful.

Yes it's 10 in England