To hate having stupidly small breasts?

[RubyTuesday10]

I know at my age (45) I probably should have stopped caring but I have been so unhappy with my body my whole life. My breasts never developed properly- I’m an a cup and almost completely flat, I’m not even a slim build. My whole life I have never felt sexy or like a proper woman. I detest my body so much I want to hide it under baggy clothes.

My husband doesn’t criticise me but over the years he’s bought men’s magazines, looked at women on the internet- all with massive breasts, because that’s what men like- no man desires a flat chested woman. He’s now become besotted with a busty country singer and I feel the old feelings of worthlessness again. Feel so disgusted with my stupid body I scratch it sometimes.

It seems so unfair that every other woman gets to look nice, have a cleavage, be desirable but I’ll never get to have that. Have always been too broke and too scared to undergo surgery but sometimes I wish I’d been able to. I cry about how I look and have done all my life. Am I the only person on earth who feels this way? Please don’t flame me for being ungrateful for a healthy body, I am not intentionally being ungrateful and really can’t help how I feel.

Perhaps the lesson is that " ordinary" women don't need to look like Keira or Monica or a random country singer. We are " enough" as we are.

Just like I have never seen a 60 year old man look like Brad Pitt, or even a 30 year old man look like Chris Hemsworth ( I find neither of them attractive but they are who men think are attractive).

No-one needs a nose job.

If it's any comfort, OP, a lot of men don't actually want to be with women like that. They may drool over their instagram but what man really wants to be with a living blow up doll? They fulfill a fantasy, like in porn. That said, if it really upsets you then you should have a word with your husband about not doing that in front of you, it's pretty disrespectful.

Your husband is an absolute 🔔 end if he needs to objectify women by looking at magazines.but what I will say is there are many women out there with small breasts/flat chests who look absolutely amazing and feminine.

Also look at some of the women who are regarded as some of the most beautiful in the world they have small breasts,gwen stefani,ariana grande,kirea knightly to name a few.

There is a lot more to like in a woman than how big her chest is.the first part op is self acceptance and learning to love and like yourself.

I have small breasts and so grateful I don’t have to wear a bra. I’m sorry your DH is being a bit of jerk about it and hope that you can find a way to feel better about yourself

Hi op, hope you figure it out for yourself, I’m 38a but with a belly so I also every so often wish I had bigger boobs because without a bra you look like a weird sack of spuds but then everyone I know with big boobs say they have back pain etc etc. I once tried a wonderbra type bra but then thought everyone could see so went back laughing to my good old m and s and now don’t really care!!

I have big (floppy and wonky) boobs, but I’m not going to say “you should count yourself lucky yours are small” because it’s how you feel about them and that would be incredibly insensitive of me.

I’m sorry you feel this way and I’m sorry your husband has magnified your feelings through his own behaviour. I can empathise as I similarly hate my boobs. They’re odd sizes, they’ve always been droopy and floppy. I can’t afford to go under the knife (as yet) and I’m fat anyway so hoping to slim down before I consider it. However, you are you and you are beautiful as you are. Small boobs do not make you any less of a woman. I say this as someone who loathes myself, so I know I’m a hypocrite, however there will be people who envy your boobs, just as you envy those with bigger boobs. I guess no one is ever truly happy with how they look, there is always something. Surgery is an option, however it comes with its own risks and it’s a big decision - don’t feel that it’s something you have to do to validate yourself . Sending you hugs OP

I do weights, mine are still aa the muscle increase has improved posture etc but my chest doesn't just look flat but also more muscular. It depends on how much breast tissue you have. For me - none.

Yes those celebrities look amazing but they are beautiful with very petite frames so small breasts look more fitting. If you’re ugly and overweight it just looks odd to have a flat chest. I don’t think I can ever learn to like myself, the hate is too strong.

You don't say anything about your husbands behaviour. Just on and in about your self hate. I think you could benefit from therapy.

Does he look like a young Brad Pitt?

More women should opt for custom bras. When my daughter is old enough I won't bother with normal shops, too much hassle. And it can make you feel as if your body is wrong.

I know this probably won’t make you feel any better, but as someone with very big boobs, I would swap with you in a heartbeat. I have chronic back issues my brows are immensely expensive and there are lots of clothes that I can’t wear. They don’t make me feel feminine at all in fact they make me feel frumpy overweight and horrible. A lot of women don’t like what they have!

I have small boobs A cup, don't really need to wear a bra. 12 year old girls probably have bigger breasts than me. It used to bother me when I was younger. But now late 30s, I barely think about it, I can go bra free in outfits that you wouldn't want a bra line, I wear backless dresses without needing horrible stick on things. They don't sag, there's no where for them to sag, so they are the same as when I was 18. Also as someone else stated, I have fantastic nipples, which has been a point of attraction in the men I have dated.

Your DH is the issue. My DH makes me feel loved, cherished and attractive. I have thought at times over the years, I bet he'd love some bigger boobs to look at and fondle but he's never made me think that way, its only my own securities. He compliments my breasts (and nipples) and although I have my own self confidence he in no way undermines this or exacerbates my insecurities like your DH is doing.

I honestly think if there's one thing to be said for men it's that their sexual appetites are very broad. No doubt your husband likes big breasts but he probably really likes your breasts as well. The things that women criticise about their own bodies men often don't notice or care about at all.

My DH doesn’t care about boob size so it’s not all men. I actually wish I had A or B cup breasts again. Big boobs are a pain and make you look fat. Small breasts look so chic in clothes and you can go braless!

Couldn’t agree more. I, too, can’t face surgery, but would gladly be rid of my massive norks.

Another who agrees!

Agree with others that it's a DH issue. It took me a while (years) to become confident with my shape, also very flat chested, but once you get over it it's great. A weight just lifts and you think "what on earth was I worrying about?". I hope you get there too.

I don’t think I can ever learn to like myself, the hate is too strong.

It's tough. I have BDD. I've found meditation and affirmation videos help. I can recommend RisingHigherMeditation youtube channel. A sweet Aussie lady, very nice voice. If you're interested search self-love, acceptance, worthy, confidence or beautiful on her page. She has lots of videos. In the beginning I'd play them in the background doing other stuff. I couldn't bear to slow down, focus and repeat after her! I really enjoy it now.

I had A cup boobs and they where AMAZING.

Many of my friends had BIG boobs and they looked great all dressed up and boobalicious but came with lots of hassle for them. Backache, not being able to find right size bras but needing a bra, sweat issue, being in the way, struggling to find clothes that fit well etc...

On the flip side I could just throw anything on and go with no pain, problems or hassle. I also couldn't find bras to fit at a 28AA but it didn't matter as I never needed to wear them.

Mine are bigger now after 3 kids but still not massive and I preferred them smaller, they are much more awkward now having to faff on with bras and getting shirts to fit nicely etc...

I can honestly say no man ever was upset by my tiny titties, we usually think differently about ourselves to how others do.

Also, just to add to those points- none, and I mean none, of my long term partners look like any of the men that I would describe as someone I would “drool” over, if you like.

In fact, they all couldn’t be further from Bradley Cooper if they tried 🤣🤣🤣

I feel quite sad that you said the word hate op but I completely understand where you are coming from,I used to hate so much about myself how big I thought my thighs were how much I weighed,my hands are too small my feet are too tiny,some of those things I got hung up about nearly killed me.

Would you consider therapy it took me a very long time to even remotely like myself.but all them years wasted hating myself.i came to accept who am am and no matter how much I try I can't change.

It's not easy op but I say it from a good place it's definitely something worth considering.good luck

Boob job! It's all very well people saying embrace who you are.. but what about when you just CAN'T?

Implants don't have to be huge, or unnatural looking. They can be subtle and look great.

Speak for yourself. I have largeish breasts (although I am very slim, so my DDs are more like Cs would be on a larger woman) and I love them, they don't 'make me look fat' and I can also go braless. I get that you're trying to make the OP feel better, but there's no need to have a pop at larger chests in the process. It's all about proportion, anyway, not just breast size. Shape also is a factor.

Another vote for boob job. They don't have to be massive balloons, just a slight augmentation. I'm all for self acceptance, but if you've tried and tried and you can't, then there is nothing wrong with a bit of surgery. It makes me laugh as well that on threads like this, both here and elsewhere, people feel the need to be mean about large breasts and say how saggy and ugly they are. If a large breasted woman came on and said that she didn't like her breasts, nobody would sneer at small boobs in the same way. All the same, I bet that if a lot of AA cup women could wave a magic wand and become C cups overnight, they would do so without hesitation. It's like the whole 'real women have curves' but in reverse.