To hate having stupidly small breasts?

[RubyTuesday10]

I know at my age (45) I probably should have stopped caring but I have been so unhappy with my body my whole life. My breasts never developed properly- I’m an a cup and almost completely flat, I’m not even a slim build. My whole life I have never felt sexy or like a proper woman. I detest my body so much I want to hide it under baggy clothes.

My husband doesn’t criticise me but over the years he’s bought men’s magazines, looked at women on the internet- all with massive breasts, because that’s what men like- no man desires a flat chested woman. He’s now become besotted with a busty country singer and I feel the old feelings of worthlessness again. Feel so disgusted with my stupid body I scratch it sometimes.

It seems so unfair that every other woman gets to look nice, have a cleavage, be desirable but I’ll never get to have that. Have always been too broke and too scared to undergo surgery but sometimes I wish I’d been able to. I cry about how I look and have done all my life. Am I the only person on earth who feels this way? Please don’t flame me for being ungrateful for a healthy body, I am not intentionally being ungrateful and really can’t help how I feel.

Unless they've had implants, by your mid 40s (especially after kids) most women's big boobs don't look like the ones in porn/the media. I'm a 34E- sounds great? But they're riddled with stretch marks, very droopy, my nipples hang to my stomach and they're a weird shape- I have underarm boob fat but the top of the them are all thin and crepey 😂

I feel exactly the same way as you OP.

As people have said, sometimes self-acceptance is so out of reach that fixing 'the thing' is easier. I could list all the merits of small boobs, analyse whether large breasts are more attractive, and why we are obsessed with being viewed as sexually attractive, but if you are at the point of scratching your body I think proper therapy is probably needed. Your husband isn't helping this - does he know how sensitive you are about your breast size?

Male perspectives are very useful and thank you for taking the time to post some reassurance. I was teased a lot by boys at school over it, as soon as they realised I wasn’t developing normally they had to point it out every day. Yes husband went for me despite them but the fact he had to continually look at images of women the opposite of me destroyed my self esteem. He hasn’t done it (openly at least) for a few years but now he’s so into this singer, the insecurities have intensified. I appreciate all the women who say big breasts can be problematic too, I can imagine it is very true but all I’ve ever wanted really is have a ‘normal’ size, to feel like a proper woman and just to feel sexy just once.

I would swap my 32F middle aged saggy, droopy boobs with armpit boob overspill in a heartbeat with you op. I hate them. They mean that I often have to buy clothes bigger than I really need to accommodate them. I have to buy expensive bras to fit them and still be comfortable. The grass is not always greener.

If you get a breast augmentation do it for you noone else.
I had one and never looked back.

Plenty of men do prefer small boobs. It's about what size is in fashion and personal preference.

I used to have very tiny breasts (barely an a cup) and then went up to a D cup while breastfeeding. My boobs didn't shrink back and after breastfeeding I was left with what to me feels like big boobs that are super saggy :( I'd absolutely love to be flat chested instead.

But there's more important things. Rock your flat chested look - I'm sure you can look fabulous! Look at Keira Knightley.

Small boobs are super chic. I bet you look great in polo necks and all sorts of stuff that most women can’t wear.

I have small boobs and love them.

Thank you, I’ve always done it, just helps me release the self loathing. Never cause serious harm so never bothered seeking help.

I was feeling insecure at one point. I have B cups now after breastfeeding, with stretch marks and loss of elasticity.

I searched on Reddit to see if anyone else felt them same. Half the results for saggy boobs and small boobs were NSFW results.

Now of course, you shouldn't base your self worth on explicit content. But the point is, there's a thing for everyone.

There is someone who would kill to be with a woman with your body. There are men who love A-cups and prefer them to larger boobs.

In relationships we're not all perfectly distributed. So, maybe you've been with men who prefer medium-larger boobs and were told that that is the only way by to be desirable. It's not true.

People have mentioned celebs already, and models.

Gp won't be able to help at all.You need ro research a reputable breast surgeon then get a consultation.

Yes they do unfortunately! I love your post though thank you! Never realised they could be that sexy to anyone!

As you get older small breasts come into their own I think. Larger ones start going down, and down...😬

What?! You're extremely lucky.

All the beautiful lingerie is never available in anything bigger than an E cup. Even as a size 10 I had FF boobs.

The loud and clear message is that only tiny women are deserving of pretty things.

Thank you I look awful in most clothes. Just wear loose fitting plain stuff to hide my body.

OP, where is your self-love? You will never believe that your husband loves you for you, unless you do yourself. Are you really saying that a man who chooses a woman because of the size of her chest is someone that you would want to be with? Someone that shallow? It is normal for men to look at other women, it's your interpretation of this and reading all sorts of self-critical statements into it that is the problem. Toxic shame finds lots of dark nooks and crannies where it breeds and festers; this really has nothing to do with your bust and everything to do with your relationship with yourself; invest in that and I guarantee this issue will lose its power over you. I hope one day you find some peace.

All that beautiful lingerie is also not usually available in anything as small as an A-cup, either. (For which my bank manager is probably grateful.)

Thanks but I ain’t no Keira Knightley!

Also, I think encouraging surgery as a solution to a person who is self-harming is actually scary.
I'm sorry you and daughter are bullied for something totally out of your control. People are cruel sometimes x

Yes when I was younger I used to go to Ann Summers with a friend and they had nothing in my size. Everything was larger. Message was loud and clear - if you’re small don’t bother trying to be sexy!

And just what would Dolly say if she knew some man was comparing her to his wife? She would not stand for it. Channel your own inner Dolly.

Also completely flat chested but 🤷‍♀️. It's my body. It's healthy. It grew two children.

I think you need to re frame your thinking and tell your oh to keep his secret desires secret.

I agree with those who said he chose to marry you and I am sure he loves you as you are. You need to love you as you are. We are so much more than a cleavage. My best friend has relapsed breast cancer. You only get one life to enjoy.

I used to feel this way and I can empathise. I'm a 32/34A. But then again I'm petite and just generally a small person. I also have a big nose which some people see as Jewish and so they think I'm Jewish. And no, I'm not Jewish. I really dislike my nose, but it functions as it's supposed to and there is nothing clinically wrong with it.

Both my flat chest and big nose were a source of a lot of bullying in school. I hated myself.

My DH loves me just the way I am, although what helps is that he's a leg man, and he especially loves my legs in tights, which means it's super easy to please him. So I don't feel quite so self-conscious about my boobs.

In contrast, larger breasts won't do you any favours, putting the attention you'll get aside, there are physical issues like back ache, not being able to find the right size bra, the bra straps cutting into your shoulders etc. And then of course gravity is a factor as you age and they will sag - a lot.

Ultimately it's all in the genes. You are the way you are. You can get implants if you wish, but you'll likely cause more aggravation for yourself in the long run. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with tiny boobs or no boobs.

As someone who got a boob job for this very reason seriously considering it for yourself. Mine was with MYA and it was the best thing I've ever done. Lots of people tried to put me off but as long as you remember it's your body and you're doing it for you you'll be good. Honestly I've had mine 7 years now and I feel so happy with how I look.

Haha! I wouldn’t mind if it was Dolly to be fair, she’s the best! Unfortunately it’s a woman half my age, a Barbie lookalike who no doubt wouldn’t give a shit about drooling husbands. Judging by the comments on her revealing Instagram pics, they’re pretty much her main following!