To hate having stupidly small breasts?

[RubyTuesday10]

I know at my age (45) I probably should have stopped caring but I have been so unhappy with my body my whole life. My breasts never developed properly- I’m an a cup and almost completely flat, I’m not even a slim build. My whole life I have never felt sexy or like a proper woman. I detest my body so much I want to hide it under baggy clothes.

My husband doesn’t criticise me but over the years he’s bought men’s magazines, looked at women on the internet- all with massive breasts, because that’s what men like- no man desires a flat chested woman. He’s now become besotted with a busty country singer and I feel the old feelings of worthlessness again. Feel so disgusted with my stupid body I scratch it sometimes.

It seems so unfair that every other woman gets to look nice, have a cleavage, be desirable but I’ll never get to have that. Have always been too broke and too scared to undergo surgery but sometimes I wish I’d been able to. I cry about how I look and have done all my life. Am I the only person on earth who feels this way? Please don’t flame me for being ungrateful for a healthy body, I am not intentionally being ungrateful and really can’t help how I feel.

Embrace your A cups, OP. But maybe not your husband. I’m similarly built to you, and so happy not to be carting round massive boobs. No backache, you can wear whatever you like (including some pretty slinky underwear that larger women couldn’t get away with), much easier to run and do loads of active stuff.
Enjoy your body, and maybe one day find a partner who will love who you are.

Your DH is the problem here. Insensitive prick.

Seriously. Did you not read her post? What crap advice anyway imagine telling your daughter that.

Probably no consolation but I have stupidly large boobs and would love to be an A cup. In summer I have constant rashes from the hefty bra I have to wear, which sometimes get infected. Everything I wear looks 'matronly'. It's almost impossible to find non-stretchy clothes that fit properly. I have backache. Would love a breast reduction but can't afford it.

I have had all size boobs
I started incredibly flat chested, 32AA cup. Grew boobs when pregnant, twice, then they shrunk back down again and settled at a 34B.
In my late 30's I bought oestrogen bust cream off the internet, that worked a bit but it was probably a stupid thing to do.
After that I had IVF and both my boobs and my bum grew, and so did the rest of me. I looked very matronly side on, didn't recognise myself in shop windows and didn't like it.

Fast forward to my 40's they had grown with post IVF and peri menopause and I needed an 34E cup. Following menopause they shrunk again and are now a 36D but I'm fat all over, if I lost weight they would probably be a 34B or C again but they are already saggy from all the ups and downs.

I hate taking my bra off because they feel weird laying against my ribs instead of being perky and self supporting like they used to be.

When I look back to having the small boobs I so much disliked at the time, I was free to dress how I liked, I looked stylish and I could wear vest tops without looking cheap by having boob sticking out.

Now, onto the porn. Men look at big boobs because it's an exaggeration of the normal female figure. It's taking something they like - boobs - and exaggerating them.
Same as how women probably wouldn't look at a small penis in porn, they look at exaggerated penises. But in real life many women would not want to be in bed with a massive penis.

Big breasts in real life also don't look like they do in porn.

Bottom line, I know how it feels but having since had all size boobs myself, larger is not all it's cracked up to be. If your husband is being an insensitive twat, you have a husband issue, not a boob issue.

And I dont know how old you are, but with peri-menopause they might grow. Mine shrunk again after menopause but I also know women who always had small boobs and after menopause they grew bigger and stayed bigger.

I can't believe those saying to get surgery/implants.

I'm a guy, and nowhere even close to being 'endowed'. I really do know how you feel though. I really doesn't matter how often your partner says it doesn't matter, that they love you for you, that you're 'enough', just that glance or smile looking at someone 'bigger' can really destroy your confidence. It ends up ruling your life, and it shouldn't.

All I can say is to trust that they married you for you. We all have body parts we're not happy with, and our partners married us because in the grand scheme of things, they don't outweigh the other bits.

I get it OP.

I had no boobs at all. I went to see a cosmetic surgeon who noted that there was almost no breast tissue there. I was flatter than flat!

I had my augmentation at 23, 15 years later I still love my body now. They settled and it’s almost like new skin/tissue grew around, so they look really natural and feel very soft. It’s the best thing I ever did.

People who aren’t flat chested will never get it. It isn’t about “embracing who you are”. It’s about the significant psychological effect that being flat chested can have on a woman.

(I never had any other cosmetic procedures either, before the “it’s a slippery slope” crew chime in)

I’m the same age and boob size as you (well, if I’m honest mine are more of an AA cup) - the best tip I can give you is one given to me by another flat-chested woman, which is that wearing a very padded bra a cup size too big gives a nice shape under clothes (if you find the right shape - has to be full cup). I love my padded 34B bras - just having a bit of shape makes me feel so much better. I’m lucky that my DP doesn’t seem to mind about my small boobs, or at least he’s too polite to comment. I know how you feel - I hated my flat chest for years. I think it was losing a friend in her 40s to breast cancer a few years ago that really put things in perspective for me - as I’m getting older I’m appreciating health over looks far more, and am really trying to appreciate what I have. I still love my padded bras though.

I was flat chested until I was 50. My DD is less than an A cup, thanks to genetics.She doesn't even wear a bra. I still won't be advising her to shoot herself full of plastic so her future boyfriends don't obsess over Dolly Parton.

I used to have AA boobs, which really affected my confidence. I had tear drop implants in 2006, to take me to a C/D cup, and have felt fabulous ever since. They look real, as they are a good natural shape, as opposed to those ball shaped implants. It was worth every penny, and honestly the surgery is a doddle with minimum down time. I would urge you to think about surgery, if you are so unhappy. I absolutely love my boobs now, and they feel as much a part of me as anything else. Game changer.

What a condescending and ridiculous comment. So your boobs grew when you were 50? Say what now? Breast implants aren't plastic. They are very safe these days. You sound a bit jealous of those who have been able to obtain fantastic boobs. There's nothing wrong with surgery, if you can afford it and want it. Especially if something is making you so sad.

I had AA size boobs all my life. So do my 20-something daughters. There were times when I wanted bigger breasts, but mostly I was quite happy. Then I got breast cancer and I had two mastectomies to flat. That was a hell of an adjustment to make. But I’ve come to terms with it, and I still look nice.

Yes @Blondiebeachbabe they did in menopause. Quite common, especially if you are slight to begin with.

I dont believe breast implants are safe- the research on explants seems to show otherwise- but even if they were I wouldn't be keen. I can afford them as it happens.

Accusing women who don't want to be reduced to body parts of being jealous is quite common on MN. I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

I have big boobs and they are an absolute nuisance. I was quite small until my late 20s then they just seemed to balloon in size. I'm now a 38GG.

I hate wearing tops without a cardigan as they just seem to stick out far too much and I've lost count of the times when talking to a bloke, their eyes were not on my face ... 🙄

Finding a comfortable bra is difficult, under my boobs I sometimes get a rash, I can no longer sleep on my stomach. When I look down sometimes, it's as if I have a shelf there. I can't cut my toenails or put nail varnish on very easily either.

If I was a lot younger, I might have considered having them reduced but I figure I might as well just live with them now.

Honestly, in your 40s I think it’s about accepting yourself for how you are and celebrating the joys of having a small bust. How you achieve that acceptance might be trial and error. Therapy? Self help books?

For me, accepting my body has been about losing weight, getting fit and focussing on my health. I focus on all the amazing things my body can do, and the things I CAN change (like losing weight, wearing clothes I love, looking after my body) rather than hyper focussing on areas I don’t like or wish I could change.

However you approach it, resolve not to let this hang up affect any more years of your life. You are more than a pair of tits! You can be gorgeous, desirable, confident without massive knockers.

Does your husband know how this makes you feel? What does he say when you talk it through with him? What do you want to do about it?

I can say though, as some who has HH boobs, that they are not what you think they are. They are heavy and can be very painful. They get in the way of everything. They make me very hot, uncomfortable and sweaty. Exercise is complicated and I haven't run or jumped since puberty over forty years ago. My bras start at £45, but I don't bother with fancy ones anymore as I find my sports bras more comfortable and supportive. I can't see my toes when I'm standing up and when I eat, I have to be careful as if anything falls from my fork, it ends up on my boobs. I have saved money for a reduction and lift which I will have done as soon as my personal circumstances allow. Oh and the male attention is awful, you are not a person, you are boobs on legs. Being harassed is not something I can recommend.

You are fine. Your breasts are fine.
You need to get rid of the husband.

I can understand how you feel. However I’d never get surgery. The amount of women I’ve seen posting their explant stories online after years of implants giving them illnesses or weird symptoms.

Gwen Stefani was listed #10 in Forbes sexiest woman list. She doesn’t have much in the boob department but men still fancy her. Small boobs aren’t an issue unless you think they are. The problem here is your lack of confidence and that you are comparing yourself to other women.

Small breasts are very high fashion

Breast size should not be subject to any sort of fashion - they're not like a hairstyle you can change at will. I have large breasts but I’m overweight.

I have big boobs and it is not all it’s cracked up to be. I’ve never been able to wear backless dresses or anything with thin straps that would show the straps of my ‘over the shoulder boulder holder’. I am always uncomfortable, clothes never fit right. When I was a teenager, before boob jobs were popular, nowhere sold my size and I had to spend a fortune in specialist bra shops for old ladies to get anything to fit me. And they were always hideous, not pretty like my friends had.
People always want what they don’t have, I would have liked smaller breasts when I was younger but I don’t much care now. I’ve always wanted curly hair but my curly haired school friends used to straighten theirs every day. I couldn’t understand it at the time. But now I think we just have to be happy with our lot in life.

I'm the same. It took me a long time to come to terms with. I kept hoping they'd grow and they didn't. In my 20s I suddenly decided I was sick of padding and chicken fillets etc and just stopped. Wore sports bras and cropped tops. It took a while but I'm at peace with my body now. And as there's a lot of BC in my family I'm grateful that it's so easy to check for and feel changes. My mum never even felt her first lump because it was so deep in her breast.

I am literally exactly the same. I tried to explain that I think I am under developed to midwives / health visitors but they just looked at me like I was mad. I honestly have the chest of a 12 year old. Currently trying to find a swimming costume I can stomach wearing on holiday and it's a challenge! The best bras I've found are the seamless padded bralette type ones.

I'm not sure I'd have the surgery even if i had the money. I've kind of made my peace with but it still sucks.

Edit to add before the below. I’m not trying to minimise how you feel op. This is my experience having used to feel like you. I used to be an A cup. I put on some weight and went to a B. Post ivf and breastfeeding dd, I am a saggy C and only that because of width rather than actual boobage. So it still doesn’t look like I have much in the boob department and still need moulded cups to look good. I’d much rather be the perky A or B.

Hey, I'm male and not sure if I'll be welcome here so feel free to tell me to bugger off.

Most men like all boobs. It's not the size and shape that's most important, it's the fact that you're letting us see something hidden, letting us touch a part of you that noone else is allowed to. It's the fact that they're an erogenous zone, that you sigh and squirm when we touch them.

Yes there are men out there with preferences on size, but most men don't care. And your husband obviously doesn't. He could presumably tell that you had small breasts when he met you, and he was attracted to you then, why do you think that's changed?