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AIBU?

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Original poster

My ex is a d**k!!

297 replies

Pickledeverything · 27/05/2024 20:52

Me and my ex split up when my daughter was 1 and she is now 11, iv always let him have her 2 nights in the week. Hes now asking for 50/50 and says he doesn’t mind what it looks like but wants it to include every other weekend!! Iv said no because then I won’t get much time with my child because I work and she’s at school etc and I feel like he’s doing it to stop paying maintanace. He’s now threatening to take me to cort and I laughed because I know for a fact that all the dads of friends who go to court only get a Wednesday overnight and every other weekend so he will get less time because I won’t allow the weekend to happen. I’m refusing to pay for a soliciter for his issues so what do I do? Can he make me to court and will they pay for a soliciter for me? Tia xx

OP posts:
Wavescrashingonthebeach · 27/05/2024 20:54

What does your daughter want? I don't have experience of this but aware that due to her age judge would take her wishes into consideration x

Original poster
Pickledeverything · 27/05/2024 20:55

She’s too young to know what she really wants. It would just be too confusing for her to be at 2 houses xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Pickledeverything · 27/05/2024 21:00

Sorry about the spelling errors guys I’ve had wine lol. Who is voting in being unreasonable? I didn’t mean to enable vote but how is it unreasonable to want to have custody of my daughter and spend lots of time with her, surley that’s a good thing wtf? xx

OP posts:
Nonewclothes2024 · 27/05/2024 21:00

No 'they ' won't pay for a solicitor for you.
Why do you think it's ok for him to have her less than you ?
She's half his.

Allywill · 27/05/2024 21:02

Well if every other weekend is ordered by the court you will have to comply or else you will be in breach of the order “If you do not do what the child arrangements order says you may be made to do unpaid work or pay financial compensation. You may also be held to be in contempt and imprisoned or fined, or your assets may be seized.” So it would be in your best interests to communicate with the father of your child and come to an agreement.

pictoosh · 27/05/2024 21:02

They will decide in the interests of your daughter. At 11 she has a voice.
It's about her right to have a relationship with both of her parents.

Original poster
Pickledeverything · 27/05/2024 21:02

Because he’s her dad and he’s always been allowed to have her 2 nights a week and now he’s saying he wants 50/50. J don’t believe any mum on this site would allow their ex to have their kids 50/50.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 27/05/2024 21:02

Age 11 - every other weekend with her dad is reasonable

DrStrangesSmarterSister · 27/05/2024 21:02

@Pickledeverything, but surely it's a good thing that her Dad would like to spend time with her as well?

I think at age 11, the court will listen to what your daughter would like as well.

I do appreciate your concern that your ex might be driven by an ulterior motive regarding maintenance. But you'll need to pay for legal help if he pursues this.

BCBird · 27/05/2024 21:03

Why is every other weekend unreasonable? Is he not a good father?

Allthegoodnamesaregone1 · 27/05/2024 21:03

What do you mean you won't allow the weekend? He should be having weekends.

Original poster
Pickledeverything · 27/05/2024 21:04

Luckily she will say that she wants to spend more time with me so I’m not worried about that. I don’t think I will be punished for not forcing her to go to her dads because they wouldn’t take a mum away from the child so not worried about that either: I’m honestly shocked at the reactions on here!!

OP posts:
Allywill · 27/05/2024 21:04

Also there is no such thing as custody any more. And the courts position is that the child has a right to a meaningful relationship with both parentS which often means spending equal time with each.

Hereyoume · 27/05/2024 21:04

YOU don't allow anything.

He's her father.

SHE decides, NOT you.

pictoosh · 27/05/2024 21:04

It is usual to have every other weekend.

Bootskates · 27/05/2024 21:04

So you don't allow any weekends currently? What do school holidays look like?

I'd imagine they would enforce every other weekend and a night in the week, if not 50/50 (providing hes a half decent parent, doesnt live in a crack den etc) in court and you would have to comply. I'd give a little now to save it going to court. Does your daughter want to see her dad more? Have you done mediation?

wizarddry · 27/05/2024 21:04

Why the shock at her living with him every other weekend? Seems fair to split the weekends. The rest of the 50/50 is the tricky bit! Make sure it also includes school holidays to make your working life easier.

Original poster
Pickledeverything · 27/05/2024 21:04

Why should he have weekends? Then I don’t get as much time with her and she my daughter. Jesus Christ 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Pickledeverything · 27/05/2024 21:05

School holidays stay the same, still 2 nights in the week but they change depending on what I’m working if my partner can’t have her

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 27/05/2024 21:06

Why shouldn't he have two weekends a month. She is his dd too

Did you come on here as some weird reverse?

NeedToStopSpendingOnCrap · 27/05/2024 21:06

' allowed ' ' let him have her ' ?
Why can't he have her 50/50 she's half his.
Does your daughter want to ?

DH ex was similar sounding to you with ' allow ' the court didn't appreciate that at all. Gave everything he asked no hesitation

Hereyoume · 27/05/2024 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

wizarddry · 27/05/2024 21:07

Pickledeverything · 27/05/2024 21:05

School holidays stay the same, still 2 nights in the week but they change depending on what I’m working if my partner can’t have her

That's good of your ex to be so flexible

vidflex · 27/05/2024 21:07

Hereyoume · 27/05/2024 21:04

YOU don't allow anything.

He's her father.

SHE decides, NOT you.

This

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/05/2024 21:07

Do you not want any weekends off for your own social life? Even one weekend a month?