My ex is a d**k!!

[Pickledeverything]

Me and my ex split up when my daughter was 1 and she is now 11, iv always let him have her 2 nights in the week. Hes now asking for 50/50 and says he doesn’t mind what it looks like but wants it to include every other weekend!! Iv said no because then I won’t get much time with my child because I work and she’s at school etc and I feel like he’s doing it to stop paying maintanace. He’s now threatening to take me to cort and I laughed because I know for a fact that all the dads of friends who go to court only get a Wednesday overnight and every other weekend so he will get less time because I won’t allow the weekend to happen. I’m refusing to pay for a soliciter for his issues so what do I do? Can he make me to court and will they pay for a soliciter for me? Tia xx

50/50 is normal these days I'm afraid. It doesn't mean he'd get it. If you've had this arrangement long term then I can't see the court disrupting that. Let him take you to court. Let them decide.

No you're misunderstanding family court. It's not about either of you, it's what is in the best interests of the child. Reactions you are getting here are from so very many of us who have been through this.

Good fathers have their children 50:50 once the children are old enough. They parent on school days, sick days, and weekends.

your ex is asking for something good. Start with every other weekend and keep the 2 nights. If it goes well, add a 3rd, 4th, etc until eventually you reach the right amount which may be 50:50 or something shy of it that all 3 of you agree upon.

Your daughter will benefit from more time with her father and a predictable schedule.

Again, every other weekend and a night midweek is usually the minimum. 50/50 and equal time with both parents is the preference. I think you're being very naive here.

Do you read this site ? Lots of parents have 50:50

You need to stop using the word 'allow'. It's not the 1980s, things have changed.

But she's his daughter too??? I don't understand your reasoning OP, your ex wants to be an equal parent, what is wrong with that?

I know a couple of parents who are 50/50 parents.

One father was ordered by the court to live near the school where his daughter went, and as he worked one week on, one week off (12 hour nights) he has her on his week off, and her mother has actually retrained and managed to get herself a superb job. They live approximately 10 minutes away from each other, and it works really well.

the other couple argue about school holidays, inset days and illness, it’s not so happy that one!

She is his daughter too.

Im not sure it is your ex who is the dick..

Please take it to court..

No we wouldn't.

Just remember without this man you wouldn't have your child.

Seriously OP, with some of the comments you've made here, you're at risk of the residency being changed. I've seen it happen. I would sort out an every other weekend arrangement and midweek contact and keep it out of court if I were you. No the court won't pay for a solicitor. You will have to do that or self represent. However, if he takes you to court and there are no safeguarding concerns, he's likely to be awarded 50/50.

Is this a joke? She is HIS daughter!

Listen, I'd hate for DH to have 50/50 custody. Of course I would. It would break my heart. In fact, it's the main reason I'm still married. But if we did split up, he would have 50/50, because DC are his DC too and we have made a purposeful effort to nurture both of our relationships with DC.

No mum wants 50/50. But unless the child is very young, it's often the right thing to do.

You're extremely naive if you think court wouldn't grant 50/50 or building up to it.

You're still clearly intensely jealous and hurt by your ex and the fact he left you. But he left you. He didn't leave his DD. You just kept her and refused to be a decent parent.
Well done.

Why has it taken him 10 years to decide that it’s time to go 50/50?!!
Has he thought this through?
Does she do weekend activities he’s prepared to take her to?
Does he know she’s reaching puberty and all that that involves for a teenage girl 🥴 …. Perhaps he needs a reality check before he pursues this?

She said he’s been asking for years but she’s always claimed the kid was too young.

My DC is 10 with disabilities and SN, the courts listened to what they wanted.

My ExH had only ever had DC every other weekend for 1 night, now has 2 nights a week and every other weekend for 2 nights as thats what both ExH and DC wanted.

She's his daughter too!

All the parents with dc who have split that I know have a 50/50 arrangement. Dc far younger than 11! One friend had to hand over her 18mo and 6mo to their dad every other week (that was horrific for her - he had an affair so none of it was her choice). Those dc are now 15 and 16 and their dad fucked off to Italy where his new wife is from 3 years ago. Such a Prince.

However, you don’t get to call the shots - you are equally entitled to be parents. I’m not sure you understand that.

I think you are probably right and hes realised its about maintenance. Me and my ex husband tried to do 50/50 with our son but he became really unsettled and it became clear he needed a main home. I think 50/50 is more for the parents than the child.
He hasn't even really said what he wants it to look like, hes kinda asked you to decide it hasnt he, which makes me think he's not very organised and is probably all talk and he probably wont do anything about it

This is mad isn’t it? Child is entitled to equal access to both parents.

It's v odd and slightly worrying that you don't seem to understand that every other weekend is pretty much the bare minimum he is likely to be awarded (if not 50:50) if he takes you to court.

You’re right, I just checked all posts again … fair enough 🤷🏼‍♀️
yes, 50/50 isn’t unreasonable at all and if he’s wanted it all
along. Surprised he’s been so patient tbh 🥴