My ex is a d**k!!

[Pickledeverything]

Me and my ex split up when my daughter was 1 and she is now 11, iv always let him have her 2 nights in the week. Hes now asking for 50/50 and says he doesn’t mind what it looks like but wants it to include every other weekend!! Iv said no because then I won’t get much time with my child because I work and she’s at school etc and I feel like he’s doing it to stop paying maintanace. He’s now threatening to take me to cort and I laughed because I know for a fact that all the dads of friends who go to court only get a Wednesday overnight and every other weekend so he will get less time because I won’t allow the weekend to happen. I’m refusing to pay for a soliciter for his issues so what do I do? Can he make me to court and will they pay for a soliciter for me? Tia xx

You make your DD sound like a support human. It's not about your rights. It's about your obligations. You both have obligations towards your daughter. You both have exactly the same rights & obligations.

He has been moaning about 50/50 for years but she was always too young for it to be considered but the past few months its
reallt ramped up

I wish my ex wanted 50/50! That would have been my preference

You really need to calm down.

He is just as much her parent as you are.

Don't even think about poisoning him against her. It will come back to haunt you.

And I think it's this type of post that should enlighten people about what really happens out there. MOTHERS do behave like this.

It's a rare occurrence that one posts on their unreasonable behaviour but it's extremely common.

On MN we see, more often the other side, the poor women left with feckless fathers who could not care less.

Here, we see a guy who for ten years has accepted "what you have LET him". Proved himself over and over and that's still not good enough.

If a guy posted “im
sich a Disney dad I want my child more and my ex won’t let me” you’d all tell him to stop showing off and dads shouldn’t have as much contact etc!

Sorry but she's his daughter too. It took 2 people for your daughter to be here

True but he left us. He didn’t have to do that. He could of stayed and not had to share custody

Hmm, he's not a Disney dad is he. He's someone who has jumped for ten years. Be careful OP. This is a scenario you would be better to share than fight.

Is he not her biological father?

You sound a bit unhinged.

We do 50:50. It’s fairest for everyone. Children get to see us both the same and have bedrooms in each home. It can be done in a really beneficial way to the children.

I can’t believe how you cannot see this from his point of view. He is just as much an important parent as you are. ‘Us mums’ do not need to stick together when this is your view 🙄

Anyway, i get the idea that i am not the reasonable person in this situation lol so i will check out of this thread now, thank you to some of you for the advice! :) xx

It was 10 years ago! Move on!

You're so extreme that it raises doubts for me, but if you're for real, your attitude is shocking and far from normal. You aren't being fair to your DD and it will come back to bite you.

I obviously have? I have a partner whom I live with. I was just making the point that having to share custody was his choice lol

Are you on something. Your child has two parents not just you. Stop being selfish.

How about taking advice from people who know what they're talking about re the likely outcome if it goes to court?

Yes dhs ex is like this it's baffling.
I Co parented with my ex and 0 issues.

Dh ex however is a different story.
He had to take her to court as she was usingdc as weapon. What he asked for was less than what he got. He's originally asked for less as wanted to slowly get his dc used to staying and wanted it staggered over time . His ex sat there saying ' you're not having dc x amount of nights, No way' . The judge replied you're right Miss ( name) I'm granting more. And upped it 50%
10 years on she's still a piece of work but we ignore it now. She stormed out.
She tried to have the CAO changed twice but failed. Was then told if she wasted more time , residency would be to DH.

Unfortunately I think you're in for a nasty shock if he takes this to court. Firstly, yes you will have to pay for your own solicitors fees. Secondly, if you display this kind of attitude in court they would very quickly shut you down. Of course he should be 'allowed' every other weekend, that's the minimum the court would expect these days tbh. 50/50 is not uncommon at all. I ended up having to agree to it, of course I hate it and feel like she should be with me more but ultimately she has a right to both of her parents.

I think I'm beginning to understand why he left! What you fail to understand is he left YOU, not his child. He wants to spend time with his child, not you.

Just because you gave birth to her, it doesn't entitle you to have her 100% of the time. Your ex is her other parent and he is entitled to spend time with his daughter too. Your child has a right to know and spend time with her father - her other parent. You may not like it, and I can see a lot of mums wouldn't like being without their children for any time, but he has rights too as her dad. You need to give your head a bit of a wobble as you're sounding extremely unreasonable.

Is is co - incidence tonight I read a threat do people really withhold contact because they are bitter then this .

To be clear he left you. . That might have hurt . But a good solid relationship with her dad is the building blocks of her having a healthy relationship with her future partner .

My Ds couldn’t see his dad because he was unsafe … sadly I do think not having a father figure has damaged him … and yes Disney dad or not child has a right to a relationship with him .

You sound insane. You're not putting your child first. It's unhealthy to want to keep her to yourself all the time. She's her own person, she has two parents who love her & want to spend time with her and you're preventing it for no good reason. If he is a decent parent he may well be awarded 50/50 custody. I cannot believe you think it's normal that a father can't see his daughter at the weekend. Ever. That is so bizarre I think you must be joking.

Your daughter deserves more time with her dad and fun time too so they can do more than just dinner and homework. I get that it’s hard but you need to think of her and not stand in their way. He sounds like he’s been committed to a relationship with her this whole time so there’s no reason to be suspicious of his motives.

All I really hear is how hard it will be for you and you want all the good bits.

Yes but you aren’t sharing, you are controlling and dictating for what you want and saying ‘well it was his choice to leave’. Grow up and start parenting your child the way she deserves.

You have responsibilities.
Your child has rights.
She has a right to a meaningful relationship and quality time with her dad (not just two bullshit weeknights when it happens to suit you).
You have a responsibility to support this.
She has the rights. You have the responsibilities.
Repeat as necessary.