My ex is a d**k!!

[Pickledeverything]

Me and my ex split up when my daughter was 1 and she is now 11, iv always let him have her 2 nights in the week. Hes now asking for 50/50 and says he doesn’t mind what it looks like but wants it to include every other weekend!! Iv said no because then I won’t get much time with my child because I work and she’s at school etc and I feel like he’s doing it to stop paying maintanace. He’s now threatening to take me to cort and I laughed because I know for a fact that all the dads of friends who go to court only get a Wednesday overnight and every other weekend so he will get less time because I won’t allow the weekend to happen. I’m refusing to pay for a soliciter for his issues so what do I do? Can he make me to court and will they pay for a soliciter for me? Tia xx

Are you joking?? Why does everyone think that if there’s a post they don’t agree with that it must be a “troll” or “reverse”. I’m out, going to ask to take this down as it’s clearly pointless. Can’t here for a rant and some support from like minded mums

My eldest is 50 / 50 with my ex. He's his dad. He can parent too. He shared school stuff etc.
We chose to be parent's together and it wasn't ds fault our Relationship went ass up

She’s his daughter as well. And family courts have in many cases taken children away from their mum if it is in the best interest of the child. If you are not promoting frequent and meaningful contact - it could be decided she is better placed with dad and you can see her every other weekend. The trouble with parents not being able to agree means they are letting a complete stranger (judge) decide. And they can order anything and you might not like what they decide is for the best

I would have hated my ex having 50/50. But had the DC wanted it then I couldn't have said no.

Luckily he never asked for it and they didn't want it either.

I get 50/50 would be really hard, I'd hate it if I'm being honest so I do appreciate what you're saying but I do think a minimum offer should be every other weekend, an evening in the week (overnight if she can reasonably get to school from his), up to half of school holidays and a fair split of birthdays and Christmas.

It's hard but it's what's best for the child (again if she's safe and happy there)

Wait till you find out a lot of split parents alternate Christmas...

Thank you, someone taking sense, us mums needs to be with our kids. I’m glad things worked out for you xx

So her dad is in effect your babysitter when you or your partner can't have her due to work.

When does your ex get fun time with her at weekends.

I wasn’t ready to split christmases until the last couple years but we do alternate now actually

Why would he have her when I’m not working and could be spending time with her? That makes 0 sense

Your comprehension of the family court system and what they are likely to award is woefully inadequate.

He will get weekend contact. You haven't got a hope in hell of stopping that. Agree to EOW and one night in the week and you'll still get maintenance.

They haven't really worked out though. I've got 2 teens who feel abandoned by their father. Yes I would have hated 50/50. But I would have "allowed" it.

Wtaf

Court might be for the best. This doesn't sound like a good set up atm.

he should have every other weekend so he also gets down time. Half the holidays would also benefit you both and your daughter. Why would she be spending time with mum’s boyfriend instead of mum or dad?

Because that's life , suck it up .

You are not the default parent

Yabu because dads usually get every other weekend if they go to court. Weekends can be used to see extended family or chill with each parent. Unless he’s on the sex offender’s register or something then 50/50 is frequently given so you need to be realistic.

However your dd has sway with the legal process. She’s around the age where a judge would listen to what she had to say - even if she says zero contact with one parent.

Does your ex live close enough to you for 50/50 to work ? Your dd is at an age where factors like ease of seeing her friends at the weekend is of increasing importance.

Yes, this.

I feel sorry for your daughter, your just assuming you know what she wants without even including her opinion. Feels like your using her to get at him, unless there's reasons he's a rubbish unreliable dad then he deserves to spend time with her too 🤷🏻

DSC have been 50/50 since they were tiny. It's fine mostly. It gets tricky when it 232 or something. We do 7/7. It's fine.

People are jumping at your throat but I feel you. My ex only wanted every other weekend - and that’s what he got. I’m the ‘boring’ parent that does the hard work during the week, that has the rules and the school runs. He’s the parent that has no rules and the only time he sees our child is during the ‘fun’ time. I do every bit of hard work for our child and only have half the ‘fun’, I don’t think that’s fair. Especially the view of our child to view me as stressed and miserable and his dad as carefree due to the timings he sees us.

And I know a lot of people will jump at this, but isn’t it funny that your Ex didn’t want 50/50 during the harder times when your child was younger, during potty training and the tantrums of a toddler. But now your child is edging towards a more ‘manageable’ age, he suddenly wants more time. You cannot pick and choose when you want to raise your child.

my personal opinion is that 50/50 doesn’t work for children, it benefits more the parents than the children. Loads of parents say ‘it works for us’ but then the children when adults say that they hated it. I sympathise with the parent the children doesn’t live with but I think it’s pretty selfish when parents want a child to change their home every few days/week… that’s the parents benefit not the child.

Why shouldn’t he have weekends.

Surely the best thing for your daughter is to have a goid relationship with both her parents.

You are so unreasonable

This isn't about you. I thought 50/50 was supposed to be best for the child. My parents took full legal custody of a grandchild at 12 years old. The court did indeed take his preference into account.

Ok. So making the assumption that given contact has been operating, there are no other issues...

here's a standard contested contact arrangement.

50.50.

Here's another standard contested contact arrangement

Each alternate weekend, one night during the week, half the school holidays.

But she don't even want to allow weekend's!