To be a bit upset that my mum doesn't know who inherits the house?

[chillyolives]

My mum is 55. My step dad is 44 (don't call him that, to me he's my real dad)

Anyway, I asked her casually what happens to the house if she and my dad were to die.

She said it's being left to the kids. So assuming me, and my 3 technically half siblings

I said, is she sure I would even get something since I am probably not named as one of the kids, as I'm not my dads biological etc etc

She said really absent mindedly 'oh I don't know actually, I'm sure you are included surely'

And then changed the subject.

Does anyone know if I would actually get a share of the house or not?

My mum is a lovely, lovely woman but has raging ADHD and avoids any direct, pressing issues she'd aerially have to go and find out via a 3 step process of more etc

So it's not that she's avoiding the truth on purpose, I'm sure.

My dad is a man of few words. To everyone. And I feel too awkward asking him

I would not in a million years ask my parents for the contents of their will.

For further context, there is 15, 13 and 11 years between me and my siblings

I am married. And don't live with any of them now

It’s really none of your business, OP

I would be heartbroken if they died and I'd been left out. Wouldn't you?

Knowing both of them, I don't even think it would be an intentional dig either

I've always been treated by his family like a stain and not a real grandchild. I cannot imagine finding out I'm not even on the will ffs

It all depends on what's in their wills. I have a copy of my mum's will because we've also sorted power of attorney.

Pull on your big pants and ask. No point trying to second guess. Yes, it will be awkward and difficult, but clearly your mum doesn't want to face the issue.
Why do you need to know, though?
And geently, 'if' is not an option. When is the word, because when will happen to us all!

Your mum is 55 only a couple of years older than me. I would tell my kids to mind their own business if they asked me about my will. She could easily live another 40 years

Does your “dad” own the house himself and not your mum? Did they buy together?

If they don’t have wills and aren’t married and it was his house originally, the likelihood is different to if they are married and bought it together.

Side note but how old are you to have a 44yo stepdad!!

Is your mum married and how old is he?

Indeed, but morning will change in that time because she really does ignore pressing stuff untik last minute

She also has health issues that could shorten her life. So does my dad. Worse than hers

Your dad is only 44. You probably have another 40 years before you need to worry, and that’s assuming he doesn’t need to sell the house to pay for care.

They're married. I believe they bought it together but it was his money who put the deposit down, from memory

I am 26!

He's a heavy drinker with kidney and liver problems, and chronic conditions. So that's less likely sadly

Does she even have a will? Lots of people don't. So it would be a case of if she dies first it all goes to him. Then to his biological kids.
If he dies first it goes to her, then her biological kids.

I see it’s 44, they’re young to be having this conversation, only thing you can do is ask

Oh my. Unbelievable. I just can’t even imagine asking, or wanting to know. Wow. As a pp said, it isn’t any of your business. As far as I’m concerned, nobody knows how much of my parents’ money they might need to spend for elderly care or anything like that. Also- same situation here, my stepdad is my dad but he and my mum have a son together.

If she’s made a will it’s unlikely she’s forgotten you.

It’s really rude and odd to quiz her about this stuff.

Does anyone know if I would actually get a share of the house or not?

You're not legally entitled to, but nor are your siblings so there's no way of knowing without asking. People who say it's none of your business etc don't understand the hurt that's caused in these situations.

Honestly, there’s not much you can do. It’s your DM who needed to ensure you were listed on her share, and you’ve asked her. It’s fairly grabby to ask.

My DSC aren’t inheriting from me; only DH.

I don't think you can ask. I think parents should tell their children, really, but children can't ask.

You could be left out, I'm sorry to say. But so can anyone, families are complicated.

If that happens, you will work through it, perhaps with the help of a therapist, and you will be ok again, although it would be very upsetting.

I don't think my mum has a will, no.

I have no interest in the actual cash really - I would be glad if they reach very old age and can use it for care

My motivation for knowing is because I would feel deeply hurt if they both died and nobody bothered to put me down as someone worthy of inheritance

Does your mum even have a will? That answer seemed a bit non commital.

if he owns the house without her there’s a strong chance you are not likely to inherit, if he dies first and it goes to your mum and she doesn’t have a will you’ll get an equal share. If it bothers you, you have to ask, but be prepared if you don’t like the answer.

Sounds like you need some therapy, not inheritance.

Sorry to press you but why aren't my siblings, as an example? Surely if both of our parents go, they get the house??

Because they're both biologically both my mum and my dad's

You are very invested in something that is none of your business. Sense of entitlement is real here.