To be a bit upset that my mum doesn't know who inherits the house?

[chillyolives]

My mum is 55. My step dad is 44 (don't call him that, to me he's my real dad)

Anyway, I asked her casually what happens to the house if she and my dad were to die.

She said it's being left to the kids. So assuming me, and my 3 technically half siblings

I said, is she sure I would even get something since I am probably not named as one of the kids, as I'm not my dads biological etc etc

She said really absent mindedly 'oh I don't know actually, I'm sure you are included surely'

And then changed the subject.

Does anyone know if I would actually get a share of the house or not?

My mum is a lovely, lovely woman but has raging ADHD and avoids any direct, pressing issues she'd aerially have to go and find out via a 3 step process of more etc

So it's not that she's avoiding the truth on purpose, I'm sure.

My dad is a man of few words. To everyone. And I feel too awkward asking him

I'm 57, my sister is 55, Our parents made us both Lasting power of Attorney approximately 15 years ago, we both know exactly what was/is in their wills, who is getting what and how the house is to be split equally between us both, also any inheritance/s that the grandchildren are getting,

I don't find it odd at all 🤷‍♀️

If Neither of them have a will and he dies first the estate would pass to your mum. When she dies it would be divided between her children - so you would get a share. If she dies first then same thing only you get nothing as you are not one of his children unless he has adopted you.

Don't be silly.

No need for 🙄 - if there's a complicated family set up, parents in ill-health & likely dependent children if they die prematurely of course a will, with intentions discussed and explained ahead of time, is vital.

Right but why? Did he adopt you? If not then that is what you are legally. It's much better for everyone to just accept reality.

Does anyone know if I would actually get a share of the house or not?
@chillyolives it depends entirely what’s in the will. They could have left it all to one child or a random friend and that’s entirely legal. In some countries I believe children are legally entitled to a proportion of assets regardless of what is stated in the will but not in the UK.

You’ve got two choices - ask outright what’s in the will or stop stressing about it and accept that you may or may not get a share of the inheritance one day.

@chillyolives

I think you are conflating two issues.

The emotional hurt around your dad (step-dad) family and how they behaved, and your mum being a bit dismissive and unprepared, generally

And

The lack of clear inheritance planning.

You keep going on about the first - get some counselling for that if you need it. For the second, start taking practical steps to check adequate provision is in place.

@karottybagel are you usually so heartless? I just told you, they kept calling a child step daughter when told not to, in front of her and her dad's presence

Why would you think it's acceptable to ignore those instructions? When the man has explicitly said 'stop calling her that'

That's not 'entirely legal'. The dependent DC would absolutely have a challenge to the will.

As would OP.

That's why proper legal advice that explains the implications of certain decisions is important.

I get the impression you would certainly be included and have nothing to worry about. Talk about this with him. I think he sounds like a kind and decent man despite his health struggles and it could even deepen your relationship with him. It’s not about money grabbing with you. Is that what you’re afraid he will think and putting you off asking? He knows you and clearly loves you, if you get clear on your why, I’m sure he will give you the clarity you need. They would also benefit from what you’ve said about you becoming their children’s minder if anything happened to them.

But that's in the past OP. You've no contact with them so I don't know why it continues to bother you.

@EarringsandLipstick I am just correcting the poster who defended them. That's the only reason I've explained further

Your mum is only 55, give her a break

Unless he adopted you, it's a legal fact.

If you want to ask, ask about what's put in place for the younger children. That way you'll know if anything has been written down at all. With this family structure you have, wills should certainly be encouraged for everyone's sake. Your mother should be ensuring that.

@betterangels what are you on about? This isn't about legal facts. This was about his own family calling a little girl step daughter, despite being told not to do that in front of him and the child.

This was repeatedly told to them and they ignored it. And not sure why you're hanging on to it being a fact?

Other posters are also replying to your thread, why not move on from this point?

@TeaKitten because this is the third poster that seems to think that behaviour is okay, and I'm calling it out.

@chillyolives what would happen with their estates would depend on if they actually have wills and who dies first.

If no one has a will, whoever dies first the other parent will inherit everything. If there is still no will when the second parent dies any biological or adopted children will inherit equal shares. This could mean if your Mum died first and then your step Dad you would get nothing, it's called sideways disinheritance.

However, even if your step dad wrote a will now splitting everything between you and your siblings (if he died 2nd) he could change this later.

There are ways of avoiding sideways disinheritance but they need slightly more complicated wills, such as use of trusts.

It's not that unusual for people your parents age to not have wills and some people really don't like discussing it. Maybe now you've mentioned it will prompt your parents to have a conversation and decide what they want to do, make sure it's in place, even if they choose not to tell you about it.

(Little note that if you are not in England ignore this post completely! Because things work differently elsewhere)

Exactly this.

If there is no will, he has not adopted you and your mum dies first, his biological children inherit everything from him. That's not a maybe, that's how intestacy works.

Ask them to consider setting up about Power of Attorneys and sort their wills at the same time.

I think Betterangels must be triggered by something in your situation OP, don’t let her derail you.

I'm not triggered. I'm just focusing on the legal issues. But go off.

I am not sure if intestacy rules have changed, when BiL died without a will, my sister didn't get everything, the dependent children got a share too.

OP, I wouldn’t defend this further. It was your experience and it hurt and mattered to you as a child and it mattered to your dad. A lot of people don’t and will never understand the emotional impact of this.

Not necessarily. My nan did it with me and my sibling. Depending on the age of the others inheriting, the size of the estate and their own financial position it can be a wise move to avoid the money going through inheritance tax twice

You are derailing your own thread though. People are going to have different opinions to you, you can’t change that.