To be a bit upset that my mum doesn't know who inherits the house?

[chillyolives]

My mum is 55. My step dad is 44 (don't call him that, to me he's my real dad)

Anyway, I asked her casually what happens to the house if she and my dad were to die.

She said it's being left to the kids. So assuming me, and my 3 technically half siblings

I said, is she sure I would even get something since I am probably not named as one of the kids, as I'm not my dads biological etc etc

She said really absent mindedly 'oh I don't know actually, I'm sure you are included surely'

And then changed the subject.

Does anyone know if I would actually get a share of the house or not?

My mum is a lovely, lovely woman but has raging ADHD and avoids any direct, pressing issues she'd aerially have to go and find out via a 3 step process of more etc

So it's not that she's avoiding the truth on purpose, I'm sure.

My dad is a man of few words. To everyone. And I feel too awkward asking him

You're going to have to ask step dad.

Do they even have wills?

Because if so, when the first parent dies, it all usually goes to the remaining spouse.

If they don't, it leaves all the kids fighting over an inheritance.

Do you still have a biological dad/paternal grandparents who might leave you something? Because that might affect decision-making.

And did step-dad own the house outright, when he married your mother, or have they both either paid or the mortgage, or she managed the household while he worked?

So ask step-dad if you're included in his will.

I've only read the first page of replies (can't be bothered reading any more), so someone else might have already said this.
When the time comes for any will(s) to be read, if you don't agree with the contents, you can always 'try' to contest it and argue that there are 4 children, not just 3.
But I agree with most posters who say that until such time when it's necessary to look at wills, it's not a 'right' to know what's in them. If your mum and stepfather 'choose' to share what the contents are with you, then you're lucky to know in advance.

Not sure how you have come to that conclusion. OP isnt looking to disinherit her siblings.

My DM isnt saying what is in her Will. My eldest DB has put a lot of pressure on her (he doesnt want to inherit himself, he wants to prevent other DB from inheriting). DM isnt saying so I suspect she has tied herself in knots trying to please everyone probably ending up pleasing no one. I think I am an executor and it will no doubt be a mess.

Because of this DH and I have kept our Wills very simple. We have told DCs what provisions we have made and where we keep documents. They are welcome to look at anything they want.

It's not really about the money is it, it's about feeling hurt, unvalued and insecure if you are left out. You don't want to deny the younger children but you will be devastated if you find out that you are not included as one of your step father's children. You will feel anxious while they are living , which will affect your relationship, and if you are not included, your memories of them will be spoiled by hurt when they're gone. You need to talk to your step father. If you are not included, he will be able to explain why not. He might not have made a will and this might prompt him. Have that quiet talk and explain that you feel vulnerable.

And what is the OP doing to her mother?

I think what you wanted to ask is:

My mum is remarried and has three biological children with her new partner. I believe they don’t have a will.

If they die, who inherits them?

I believe that the answer to this is that her husband (your ‘dad’) inherits everything. When he dies, it goes to his children if he does not have a will. You are left out.

If your ‘dad’ dies first, your mum inherits him. When she does, you all inherit her.

I am NOT an expert but I think this is what happens based on my investigations which I have done because I am remarried and I have children. Of course you would feel upset if your parents always meant to treat all children the same but just assumed you would all inherit and they didn’t need to consider Will writing.

You should maybe call citizens advice and ask them. Then have a quiet word with your mum and tell her exactly what would happen if neither left a will.

What country are you in? If in Scotland check out 'legalities' whereby all children gave a right to inherit irrespective if they are mentioned in a will or not.

Ignore the unpleasant comments OP. Of course you want to be included in their wills. It would be awful to be left out. Maybe you could sit down with your mum and explain what you’ve said here. She really ought to write a will to make sure you don’t get left out.

So what now OP?

Rather than waste your time "investigating", you should simply write a will to state who you want to look after your kids if you die while they are young, and how much you want them to inherit instead of your husband. Much quicker, and gets to the outcome you actually want.

Oh er they are younger than me and my husband , you getting a bit .. impatient here op ? Hope your own will is looking good .

If you get knocked down by a bus tomorrow are you ready? Do your kids know where your will is/pensions are/what your wishes for any younger children are/your funeral is.

Having lived through this experience I now urge everyone to have those conversations, don't rely on a partner stepping up as grief does funny things, they may not be able to deal with it and a adult child who knows nothing may need to step up.

It's not about money, I'm certain many more people would rather have their parent around than the money! But it is important to know!

My mum was 56 when she died... she should have talked to me, she should have prepared me, she should have protected me!

Never to young to ask these questions even if people do think it's 'inheritance chasing'

Bloody hell you're only 26 ha ! You need to wait it out . Bloody hell 26 !

Oh I know I'm going to die in the next few weeks rather young like ..This is something else, I don't think my sons have either mentioned a will , they are so heartbroken already ..

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this and your children will be left without you. - it's a difficult kind of pain losing a parent, especially young.

But I stand by what I said, my mum will still be turning in her grave at what happened following her death because things weren't put in place.

The day we brought my daughter home from hospital our will was changed, it's an open discussion amongst our family.

Your children are going to be heartbroken knowing you will leave them, whether you talk to them about what to expect or not.

I wish nothing but peace for your family in the upcoming future

That's one the things I've never understood that England has always allowed . In Scotland you can't disinherit a child .They always in Scotland have a 'bairns share' .They don't seem to see the point of this in England .

From my POV, its fine for the testator to start the conversation about will contents, less fine for the children to do so. There are also ways and ways "Mum/Dad please think about making a will so that your inheritance wishes are clear" fine; "Mum/Dad have you thought about who would look after the kids if the worst happens?" also fine if a little more sensitive" "Mum/Dad who gets the house? Are you sure I will get something?" well that's a bit in your face.

Even if the bairn is a nasty piece of work who has never done a hand's turn for the parents?

Does England have a problem have a problem with this ? I have no idea ?

As much as I think op has the right to know that her parents have wills and they’ve covered the bases in full knowledge of the facts of what happens with children/stepchildren when they aren’t specifically named, I think telling them what to write is a step too far imo.

i know you mean it kindly, but if I were the parents in this situation I’d think it was incredibly cheeky.

I agree that leaving it one sibling out would be unfair. I also agree with lots of replies that it is about the money but you refuse to acknowledge that.

You say 2 of your siblings are nearly adults - 13 and 15 is not nearly adults. My DD is 20, mature and an adult; she's away studying but she still needs and wants her patents' support financially and emotionally - like a child under 18 does, and she'll have it a sling a she needs and wants it.

You're 26 and have your own family. You've had 15 more years of support than your siblings - by the time your parents die, it will be much more, hopefully. Do you think that should be factored in? If it's all about 'fairness' and 'love' you will always have had 15 more years of that love.

It's totally OK to want to know IMHO but nt being honest with yourself about the why you want to know is problematic. TBH, from your replies there's a sense of emotional trauma about being 'less' than your siblings and being seen as a 'step child' - which is exactly what you are to your dad. And the fact that you are so concerned about being forgotten and missed out, that you're asking about it. Why do yihh think you'd be excluded? Why do you attribute inheritance to ho much you're loved and valued?

Why are you so convinced that you'd be left out - inadvertently or otherwise?

Thats seems to be the real issue here. Maybe speak to your GP about some counselling or talk through these fears, where they come from, why you have them, what they mean and how to understand and manage them