Another mum telling my child off

[WarriorPrincess24]

Took DS (2) and step son (6) to soft play this afternoon. Step son is quite happy to run off and play. My 2 year old though really struggles and he does have some delays and he much prefers to play on his own. I was really proud of him today before this incident because usually when we go he doesn't approach the soft play area and usually wanders about, playing with the balls and just generally entertaining himself, usually he cries and gets upset if I try to force him into the soft play bit. Anyway, he managed to go into th soft play bit and there's like a little ladder you can climb and sit on, he was happily climbing and stopping etc a little girl came and slid down, she could see DS was there but regardless just crashed straight into him (I'd say she was around 6/7 so considerable old enough to have some manners) she crashed straight into him and then shoved him, DS regained his balance and he just smacked her right in th face 😳 and she roared her eyes out. Fair enough, he shouldn't have done that. Before I had chance to get over there the little girls mum shot over there, grabbed my son by the arm and tanked him off the ladder and shouted at him. I was FUMING. Ordinarily I would hav apologies for my son's actions but I didn't and I went mad. Asked her who she thinks she is touching my son and she has no right to be shouting at a two year old. She didn't say anything but gave me dirty looks the rest of the time. DH is annoyed at me because he reckons that I would have been the same had it been the other way around and that I had no right to say anything to this other mum. AIBU?
Just to add, DS has some delays and after his 2 year review they are looking at getting us some support because it's clear he has a development delay and possibly could be on the spectrum for ASD. He genuinely doesn't understand that he is hurting when he smacks, I think because he can't talk it's his way of expression. I'm not making excuses for him, I know he shouldn't have hit the little girl but in a way I feel like he just reacted in one of the only ways he knows how. Hope this makes sense.

The other Mum was out of order to touch your son, even if he had hurt her DD.
But, if your son is hitting and hurting other children then you must supervise him more closely.

No, the other mum was wrong to shout at him. And your husband is clearly wrong about how you'd have been the same, because the girl did shove your son and you didn't grab her and shout at her.

However, given what you've said, do you think he'd benefit from you staying nearer to him?

I think society is better when people do correct children rather than ignore their bad behaviour but touching him went over the line I would have called the police for assault

She was way out of order! No right to touch your DS at all.

You are not unreasonable to do that, fuck the other woman grabbing your child!!

The other mum was completely in the wrong.

If any child had hit my dc in the face I'd have been livid, no matter what their age.

What an utter bitch! She should have told her kid to be more careful of the smaller children.

But you also should have supervising your 2 year old much more closely. He shouldn't have had to hit her. She shouldn't have been able to crash into him becuase you should have been right there protecting him.

YANBU she should never have touched him and who shouts at a 2yo they don't know?!

Oh I'd have decked her. How dare she grab and shout at a 2 year old whom her daughter just hurt!

I'd tell off someone else's kid, by all means and if my child is being a little dickhead, I fully expect another mum will tell him off if I'm not there or don't see it but that was way out of line.

He’s two. He’s a baby who hit a six year old. The mum had no right to touch him or shout at him. I would have been embarrassed my 6 year old had hurt a two year old. I’m with you op

I would have absolutely hit the roof with her touching my child.
Bang out of order

If another child hit my 6/7 yr old I would be comforting my child and looking around for the parent of the child and expecting them to deal with it.

This

At 6/7 a child should definitely know not to slide down a slide if there is a child on it… even if the child shouldn’t be climbing up it. My DD5 has sat patiently on top of the slide for a long time before a parent has finally moved their child out the way!

Yes I was supervising close by but she was alot nearer than me and got there first. I regretfully didn't go over straight way when I saw it unfolding because I didn't want to pull him away and startled him especially when it's the first time he has felt more comfortable going there and being in a social situation which was fault on my part and I hold my hands up to that.

If your child tends to lash out you should have been watching him. I'd have done the same thing. He could have really hurt someone.

I wouldn't have told your child off like that, very uncalled for. I might have said it's not kind to hit as it hurts and made them apologise to each other. I also wouldn't mind another parent saying that to my child.

If your kid hits often you should be keeping a closer eye on him.

Well that escalated quickly

You don't touch other people's children, YANBU but you also need to be supervising him more closely.

The thing is she didn't see it actually happen she just heard her girl crying and came over all guns blazing so I didn't even get a chance to explain that I did see it and I apologize which I would have done, had she not reacted the way she did. I take him to a small playgroup every week and he has been known to hit and shove other kids out the way and I am working on teaching him it's not nice (quite unsuccessfully) he just doesn't understand.

But would you place your hands on a two year old? That's extreme

Yes, I would be more than happy for her to have just said something along those lines (he wouldnt have understood but in time he will)

Just to add he's not quite two, he will be two in four weeks time.

This breakdown of community and suspicion of other parents is EXACTLY why there is a behaviour crisis in our schools. If your kid is going through a normal phase of lashing out (and it is normal) and you’re not there to guide him then don’t be surprised when others step in. She was heavy handed in my opinion but it does take a village and all that. Kids need to know that adults, parents and otherwise are there to guide and are authority.