Another mum telling my child off

[WarriorPrincess24]

Took DS (2) and step son (6) to soft play this afternoon. Step son is quite happy to run off and play. My 2 year old though really struggles and he does have some delays and he much prefers to play on his own. I was really proud of him today before this incident because usually when we go he doesn't approach the soft play area and usually wanders about, playing with the balls and just generally entertaining himself, usually he cries and gets upset if I try to force him into the soft play bit. Anyway, he managed to go into th soft play bit and there's like a little ladder you can climb and sit on, he was happily climbing and stopping etc a little girl came and slid down, she could see DS was there but regardless just crashed straight into him (I'd say she was around 6/7 so considerable old enough to have some manners) she crashed straight into him and then shoved him, DS regained his balance and he just smacked her right in th face 😳 and she roared her eyes out. Fair enough, he shouldn't have done that. Before I had chance to get over there the little girls mum shot over there, grabbed my son by the arm and tanked him off the ladder and shouted at him. I was FUMING. Ordinarily I would hav apologies for my son's actions but I didn't and I went mad. Asked her who she thinks she is touching my son and she has no right to be shouting at a two year old. She didn't say anything but gave me dirty looks the rest of the time. DH is annoyed at me because he reckons that I would have been the same had it been the other way around and that I had no right to say anything to this other mum. AIBU?
Just to add, DS has some delays and after his 2 year review they are looking at getting us some support because it's clear he has a development delay and possibly could be on the spectrum for ASD. He genuinely doesn't understand that he is hurting when he smacks, I think because he can't talk it's his way of expression. I'm not making excuses for him, I know he shouldn't have hit the little girl but in a way I feel like he just reacted in one of the only ways he knows how. Hope this makes sense.

I agree with you 100% on society being better when we all correct bad behaviour. However, in this instance the other mother should have started by correcting her own, considerably older child who should have known better, for ploughing in to a toddler and then pushing him.

Additionally, correcting bad behaviour should never include laying your hand on someone else's child. Raising your voice may sometimes be necessary but rarely.

Op - the only thing you did wrong in this instance was not telling her that she should be looking at her own child's behaviour and correcting that before correcting anyone else's.

It was in the under 3 bit (has a smaller version of the im ing frame and ball pit. But lots of bigger kids tend to play in there also.

It wasn't a slide. It was a ladder. The not quite 2 year old was half way up the ladder when the 6/7 year old intentionally slid down it onto him and pushed him.

There were 3 people acting here. 6/7 year old, mother ofv6/7 year old and OPs toddler son
He's the least guilty

YABU because of this "Before I had chance to get over there".

Your child is not even 2 and has delays and is prone to lashing out. You shouldn't be more than an arms length away from him in this case and then things like this wouldn't happen.

Would you also be livid at your child for ploughing into, and then pushing, a toddler before being hit by said toddler?

Who’s to say the older girl doesn’t have asd or a developmental delay. It’s just you never know. My dc age 7 has autism and would just slide down the slide, but not intentionally meaning to hurt. I always stay close to him for this reason, he often doesn’t see the dangers of actions. It’s not always fair to presume just because a child is older they should know better.
She shouldn’t have shouted and pulled at your ds though. That was out of order.

Then the other woman was in the wrong twice.

I would not have but my tongue if she did that to my child either.

Yes I perhaps should have been closer had him at arms length but I just really wanted him to enjoy his time without me pulling him away from things especially as he's gaining his confidence (usually he doesn't go on the play equipment and stays with me or wanders close by)

Her shouting at a 2 year old child is disgusting. I would be fuming too.

Again, ASD and delay isn’t any sort of excuse for this. If a child has a learning disability, the parents need to be there prepared to intervene.

Do kind of agree with this tbh

Just to add I'm not a confrontational person, I'm a shy anxious person and I wouldn't say boo to a goose as the saying goes but I was so angry. I don't even grab him like that.

All the more reason for you to be in close proximity to him at all times

This! Soft play was a minefield with mine (also often prone to lashing out), and at not even 2 I was by their side throughout as mine were so unpredictable. It was hard work and I wanted to be one of the mums having a coffee and chat and sitting down but at that age it just wasn’t possible (I def don’t think she should of grabbed your child though and shouted, and the older child should have known better too but soft play can get rough sometimes it’s just what children are like)

So a 6/7 year old was in the under 3’s bit? She then slid deliberately into a toddler and then pushed him? But your husband believes you were in the wrong for defending your child when her mother then manhandled him after he’d been hurt by the child? I think most people’s instincts when hurt deliberately is to retaliate never mind a 2 year olds.

He's two!
And he reacted to another child who hurt him first.

No wonder the 6/7 year old girl felt perfectly entitled to crash in to a baby and push him (a 2 year old is a baby, in case anyone thinks otherwise) because her mother hasn't thought her manners or to accept the consequences of her behaviour.

She'll do the same to a bigger child at some stage and then she'll really have something to cry about when they push back.

There's a difference between a shove and a punch/slap to the face. Both of you should keep a closer eye on your kids.

But if OP was as near as she should have been then SHE could have intervened when the 6/7 year old was behaving badly.

You can’t do that if you know he’s prone to lashing out though. That’s just how it is.

She was massively UR to touch your child though.

Would you have also been livid that after your 6/7 years old had crashed into a 2 year old they then thought it was acceptable to shove the 2 year old?

The 2 year old reacted and probably doesn't have the thought process yet to "turn the other cheek".

Yes in hindsight I should have intervene sooner, I accept that. Yes I know he can lash out but I thought he had turned a corner and was surprised when he did hit her because I really thought we was making progress. Yes I knew there was a chance he would and perhaps shouldn't have let it unfold.

There is also a big difference between a 6/7 year old child and a not even 2 year old toddler

This.

Exactly this

But then, looking at some of the responses - "What a bitch", "I'd have decked her", "Call the police" - it's all too easy to see how we've got here