Another mum telling my child off

[WarriorPrincess24]

Took DS (2) and step son (6) to soft play this afternoon. Step son is quite happy to run off and play. My 2 year old though really struggles and he does have some delays and he much prefers to play on his own. I was really proud of him today before this incident because usually when we go he doesn't approach the soft play area and usually wanders about, playing with the balls and just generally entertaining himself, usually he cries and gets upset if I try to force him into the soft play bit. Anyway, he managed to go into th soft play bit and there's like a little ladder you can climb and sit on, he was happily climbing and stopping etc a little girl came and slid down, she could see DS was there but regardless just crashed straight into him (I'd say she was around 6/7 so considerable old enough to have some manners) she crashed straight into him and then shoved him, DS regained his balance and he just smacked her right in th face 😳 and she roared her eyes out. Fair enough, he shouldn't have done that. Before I had chance to get over there the little girls mum shot over there, grabbed my son by the arm and tanked him off the ladder and shouted at him. I was FUMING. Ordinarily I would hav apologies for my son's actions but I didn't and I went mad. Asked her who she thinks she is touching my son and she has no right to be shouting at a two year old. She didn't say anything but gave me dirty looks the rest of the time. DH is annoyed at me because he reckons that I would have been the same had it been the other way around and that I had no right to say anything to this other mum. AIBU?
Just to add, DS has some delays and after his 2 year review they are looking at getting us some support because it's clear he has a development delay and possibly could be on the spectrum for ASD. He genuinely doesn't understand that he is hurting when he smacks, I think because he can't talk it's his way of expression. I'm not making excuses for him, I know he shouldn't have hit the little girl but in a way I feel like he just reacted in one of the only ways he knows how. Hope this makes sense.

So you didn’t supervise your child properly, even though you know he lashes out. Nice.

So you simply wanted people to soothe you and tell you that the other woman was being a bitch, and aren’t willing to acknowledge the posts telling you the one reason it happened in the first place and how it could be very easily avoided - you were too far away. Got it.

With an attitude like that, and a violent child, this is definitely going to happen again OP. Good luck, maybe he’ll get slapped back next time, and I’m sure you’ll be on here crying about it.

You would have grabbed the 2 year old by the arm and shouted at him?? I’d have slapped you if you did that to my child, who is also 2 with a delay.

Agree. Another example of “my precious child can do no wrong’.

I’d have smacked her one

Hang on, didn’t she hit him first? Ploughed into him and then shoved him? She’s 6 and he’s only 2? The girl is a bully. She got what she deserved.

The mother has some nerve touching your child. I don’t know how you contained yourself.

Your son shouldn't he hitting at any age but her child should have respect and ask him to move over. The mum shouldn't have touched your son or shouted.

All I can say is I think many PPs come from quite sheltered areas...

This is not an "ooo I'm hard" comment. I'm not remotely hard, quite the opposite actually. But I do live in a relatively rough area.

If people round here behaved like the mother of this six year old every time their kids got into a minor incident at soft play, there'd be carnage 🤣

I know h shouldn't be hitting and I'm working hard to teach him it's not nice and it hurts. Unfortunately he doesn't understand that. It's his reaction to pretty much anything, of he's excited, upset, happy, angry etc not excusing it but it's tough when it's his immediate reaction. No matter how many times I tell him no he just keeps doing it. It's the only one at he knows how at the moment to express any emotions, feelings.

I wouldn’t sweat it too much OP if your DS wasn’t too bothered by it. The woman was totally out of order touching your child that way and I can see you wouldn’t have minded if she just spoke to him. As others have said, 2 is a little too young for independent play in a soft play (that’s why I found them absolute hell until mine turned about 4 😂)

Also no expert as none of mine have hit when they were that age but I also was under the impression that they don’t really understand stuff like that too much when under the age of three? That of course you still tell them to stop but that kids under three don’t really understand ‘being naughty’
Also can see he has other delays though and that could be why it’s an issue if it’s forming part of a bigger picture.

What did you do after your child smacked the other one in the face? Did you immediately leave and go home as a consequence or just carry on playing? If it’s the latter, that could be the reason he hasn’t learnt not to smack.

We stayed and played because why am I going to punish him but taking him home when 1. He doesn't understand that he has been naughty, he doesn't understand that he is not allowed to smack. It's his immediate reaction to everything as I have said. And 2. Why should I punish him for actually defending himself?
Absolute rubbish that you suggest the reason he smacks is because I don't punish him. He is 2. He doesn't know what punishment is.

Agree. I can't get my head around the people here saying the woman was right to behave that way. Mind boggling.

No not at all is that what I wanted. I wanted to get people's opinions in what they would have done and why they think on the matter. I've acknowledged of the negative comments actually and if you read some.of my responses you will see that.
Disgusting actually that 1, you name my child as being violent which he is not and what right do you have to make that assumption based on fuck all. Secondly wishing he gets a "slapped back" next time is a bit low.
I hope you don't have children of your own if this is your take on things and if you do I'm sure they are little angels 🙄🙄🙄🙄

No way should your DS be grabbed by this woman. Telling him off is ok but shouting in his face and grabbing him a huge no. She was very ott. However you should have been there to stop him hitting a child in the face. At 2 you hover everywhere they are.

My comment was not based on “fuck all” but rather on your many, many posts indicating that he smacks every Tom, Dick and Harry that crosses his path because he “doesn’t understand it’s bad” (🙄). 2 y/o’s do understand punishment. Perhaps not letting him experiment on other random children who get in his way would be a good start to teaching him right and wrong 👍

Not just a lurker as your name suggests but a bloody blithering idiot who clearly does not know what they are taking about or anything about young children.

A delayed 2 year old DOES NOT understand punishment. He does not understand it's wrong. It is the only way he can express his emotions and feelings, he does not talk, he does not follow instructions because he does not understand them. I've not suggested he smacks every tom dick and harry at all. And it was.not by any means an experiment as you put it. If the show was in the other foot and your child was in my son's position what would you expect? Oh yes that's right. Your a number one parent who comes on MN to slate other parents and STRANGERS. Maybe because it makes you feel better. If that's the case then carry on hun😀

How is it OPs fault that a 6 year old deliberately crashed in to her child? Perhaps the other mum should have been close enough to remind her 6 year old to be gentle with babies.
Should he have hit? No but he's a baby, how hard can he really hit?
The other mum is a, total bitch. I'm normally calm but would have gone ballistic if someone dared to touch my child, never mind drag them.

Also surely it is the other mum's fault as well for letting the 6 yo in the younger child area?

This thread has really brought out the weirdos. Of course a 2 year old uses their hands to communicate instead of their words. It’s what two year olds do (delay or no delay).
Of course you don’t have to accompany your 2 year old in a soft play bit meant for under 3s. You take them to these things to learn confidence and independence. You watch them from a safe distance.
Of course you don’t manhandle a stranger’s child.

However, if your 6 year old is hanging out in the bit for under 3s, you do keep a bloody close eye to make sure they’re not doing anything to hurt the little ones…

However, if your 6 year old is hanging out in the bit for under 3s, you do keep a bloody close eye to make sure they’re not doing anything to hurt the little ones…

Previously I would have said that older ones just shouldn't be in there, but I'm conflicted on this point now I have a bigger one and a little one. My older one just wants to play with the 1yo sometimes. I'll let the older one come in if (as is often the case) it's just us in the toddler bit or the other parents indicate they're ok with it but obviously closely supervise to make sure they're not being boisterous or getting in the way of the toddlers.

Wow, there are some very wierd responses to this thread. I wonder if the sex of the children have anything to do with it, I imagine if the toddler was a girl the responses would have been kinder.

I have a 6 year old boy and I would have been furious and embarrassed if he had ploughed into a toddler and shoved them. If he had been on the recieving end of a slap from the toddler I would have considered it a natural consequence as toddlers still communicate physically.

If some nutter had pulled my two year old like that I would have informed the staff and called the police.