Another mum telling my child off

[WarriorPrincess24]

Took DS (2) and step son (6) to soft play this afternoon. Step son is quite happy to run off and play. My 2 year old though really struggles and he does have some delays and he much prefers to play on his own. I was really proud of him today before this incident because usually when we go he doesn't approach the soft play area and usually wanders about, playing with the balls and just generally entertaining himself, usually he cries and gets upset if I try to force him into the soft play bit. Anyway, he managed to go into th soft play bit and there's like a little ladder you can climb and sit on, he was happily climbing and stopping etc a little girl came and slid down, she could see DS was there but regardless just crashed straight into him (I'd say she was around 6/7 so considerable old enough to have some manners) she crashed straight into him and then shoved him, DS regained his balance and he just smacked her right in th face 😳 and she roared her eyes out. Fair enough, he shouldn't have done that. Before I had chance to get over there the little girls mum shot over there, grabbed my son by the arm and tanked him off the ladder and shouted at him. I was FUMING. Ordinarily I would hav apologies for my son's actions but I didn't and I went mad. Asked her who she thinks she is touching my son and she has no right to be shouting at a two year old. She didn't say anything but gave me dirty looks the rest of the time. DH is annoyed at me because he reckons that I would have been the same had it been the other way around and that I had no right to say anything to this other mum. AIBU?
Just to add, DS has some delays and after his 2 year review they are looking at getting us some support because it's clear he has a development delay and possibly could be on the spectrum for ASD. He genuinely doesn't understand that he is hurting when he smacks, I think because he can't talk it's his way of expression. I'm not making excuses for him, I know he shouldn't have hit the little girl but in a way I feel like he just reacted in one of the only ways he knows how. Hope this makes sense.

I was not far away at all I was at the edge of the play frame on the first table.
She got there before me, I do have fibro and other mobility issues. I am not a quick mover at times hence she got there before me, she was wandering around with her other child at the time. I don't think "providing adequate parenting" is a fair comment to be fair. He shouldnt have hit her but imo that's all did wrong.

She was in close proximity! She had eyes on her DS. It's not like she dropped him off at the door and called back for him an hour later.

Kids bump into each other. It happens. Here a bigger child hurt a much smaller child and the much smaller child lashed out. The mother of the bigger child should have dealt with her child rather than further hurting the smaller child. If she knew her child was the type to physically bully smaller children then she should have been on top of her, should she not?

Monkey see, monkey do?

I think in this situation the other mum was out of order, partly because she didn't see what happened, partly because your child is essentially still a baby, and partly because there's a significant age gap between the two children, with hers being the elder.

BUT I don't think it's always unacceptable to touch another parents child. I was at soft play a few weeks ago and a 4(ish) year old boy kept repeatedly knocking my 18mo over. The first time I assumed it was an accident and just comforted her, but then two further times I saw him actively look around for her, make a beeline for her, and push her down. So I went close to her, ready to block any further attempts, and each time he started coming over I shook my head at him and he stopped. Then, I was briefly distracted by my elder child, and this 4yo made a beeline for my daughter again and knocked her over a fourth time. So I did hold him quite firmly by the shoulder and said "Stop. I see you pushing her and it hurts her. She's much smaller than you and you need to leave her alone." His mum (who I only identified later) was oblivious to the whole thing, just on her phone in the cafe. I don't think it's wrong to physically intervene if the other parent just cba to control their kid (which I realise wasn't the situation in the OP)

Yes I wouldn't have mined had she just maybe took his hand or something and politely said. It was the yanking him off by his arm and shouting. It really was quite forceful.

YANBU
Her child was 6/7 & is definitely old enough to know that you don't come down a slide if anyone is at bottom. You're in a softplay, by default any babies & toddlers will be around & if I was mum of the older child I'd be telling them off.
Not ideal your 2 Yr old not out but they are the youngest child & not yet old enough to understand properly...an older child has hurt them, of course they hit out...totally understandable.
If anything other mum should have been apologising to uou & checking if 2yr old had been hut

She didn't even see it happen, she just heard her crying and came over. I was about to explain that hat happened before she grabbed DS and then by default I just asked her what the F she thought she was doing. She's probs at home fuming my kid smacked hers without knowing what actually happened.

If you've got issues stopping you from gettingto him quickly, that's even more reason to stay alongside him in the first place.

The other woman's reaction was completely UR, but this whole situation was preventable, and ultimately will probably set his confidence back a couple of steps because it was too much for him too soon.

It’s absolutely monkey see monkey do - it’s not a surprise mother and daughter are both bullies

BUT

you cannot trust other people to parent properly. That’s why you have to be there. It’s not close enough proximity if you aren’t there to physically intervene for this sort of thing. It’s tedious yes but at this age (my youngest is the same age) I have to sit on or in the play equipment with my child., for exactly this reason. They get into altercations and each one is a learning opportunity, plus you get to make sure your child isn’t physically hurt/hurting anyone else!

I want to balance some of the cr*p you're getting here, which isnt fair at all. Objectively - you weren't in the wrong in the set up (the older child shouldnt have been there - could have happened if you'd v quickly grabbed a drink, etc), you clearly werent on your phone(!!!) and no one should physically touch your child and tell them off.

Personally, id have also gone mad at the mum. I'd have seen red, I'm not one to swear but id have dropped an f or two if that had been my child being treated like that by family let alone a stranger!

And, id have calmly corrected/talked to my DC about hitting outside of that initial moment.

Pour a large glass of wine and come off here - you're getting some v unfair comments.

Hmm well I wouldn't be happy if another parent yanked or shouted at my daughter who is just turned two but on the other hand they wouldn't have the opportunity as I'd be there with her. There is also absolutely no justification for her (at two years old) to be hitting anyone no matter what had happened before or another child had done and we would be going home if she did lash out and she also may have autism but that is no excuse in my opinion.

The other mum was in the wrong but all I am reading from you is excuses. Close by obviously wasn't close enough. Your two year old doesn't need to build confidence from being alone, he will develop that from you being confident, modelling good behaviour and celebrating his success. As for being disabled, yep, I tick that box too and am a blue badge holder as a result of poor mobility. If anything it means I stay closer to compensate for the extra time it takes me to move. You are literally doing your son no favours by making excuses and giving him free reign.

Serves her right for smashing into him even though she saw him. He's a toddler and she's far older. Did her mother not teach her common sense?

I don't think you did anything wrong. Fact is your son got battered by her crashing into him...it must have hurt and he went for her as retaliation.

I would certainly shout at another child (depending on danger level!) but I would never put my hands on them- unless to save from danger obviously.

Thank you. If only I drank eh! I can take some criticism , I agree to an extent that I made th wrong choice thinking I was doing him a favour by playing independently and letting him find his own way but that is what I was doing. Yes I was watching his every move but I was letting it play out to see how he reacted as I thought we had made some progress so I can accept some of the comments. The comments about being a bad parent or whatever are hurtful but I'm letting them go over my head because I know that I am not. I am not an irresponsible parent or inadequate and I know that x

If a 2yr old hit my DD I would be asking Dd what happened. He’s 2, I remember when Dd was 2, toddlers do all sorts. If I found out she crashed into a 2yr old on purpose then pushed him she’d get an earful. I would probably start with a “no hitting” to the 2yr old though.

The girl was 6, my DD at 5 is massive compared to toddlers. I would assume the toddler is being a toddler.

To be honest he is a big lad and my DH said maybe the other mum mistook him for being older which is still not an excuse imo.

You would have called the police.
Eyeroll. Get a grip!

If my 6 yr old slid into and then shoved a 1 yr old they would be out of that soft play quicker then they could blink. The woman sounds unhinged, i don’t know anyone who would grab someone else’s toddler because they hit their 6 yr old, unless he’s holding a baseball bat it could hardly have hurt much. I used to hate when the 6/7yr olds used to come charging round the baby bit at soft play. Lazy parenting

She wasn't unreasonable to tell him off but she was completely over the top. She could have simply said "we use kind hands" to your son and that would have been that. Sounds like she was aggressive! Terrible behaviour. If it was me I would have said something like "Well DD, you should have been more careful around a small child but he does need to use kind hands" etc.

Supervise your two year old.
However the other mum shouldn't have touched him or shouted at him she should have told you to supervise him.

There's telling off another child, and there's laying hands on another child.

Having said that, he's two, why weren't you putting yourself in between him and the older child and trying to sort things out, or picking him up and getting him out of there?

That older and bigger child could have really hurt your son if she'd wanted to. If you're taking a child who hits other kids to soft play, whether they're bigger than him or smaller than him, whatever, you need to be on top of that child.

What's all this drama about 'touching' then?
Is this yet another thing to get agitated and dramatic about?
It sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other tbh. People seem to be forgetting the toddler hit the little girl, who was also only little really and are frothing about 'touching' as I'd there was some law everyone knows about but me

There is a difference between "touching" and aggressively grabbing a two year old by his arm and pulling him off of a piece of play equipment. I'm sure you would have something to say if someone did that to your child? No?

If they didn't see what happened they wouldn't act on your demands. Infact you might have been asked to leave if you were causing a scene.

If you were so near, how come you didn’t step in when she supposedly went down the slide and knocked your DS over? You need to do 2 things in future - supervise your child more closely to make sure he’s safe and supervise your child more closely to make sure other adults don’t touch him.