Another mum telling my child off

[WarriorPrincess24]

Took DS (2) and step son (6) to soft play this afternoon. Step son is quite happy to run off and play. My 2 year old though really struggles and he does have some delays and he much prefers to play on his own. I was really proud of him today before this incident because usually when we go he doesn't approach the soft play area and usually wanders about, playing with the balls and just generally entertaining himself, usually he cries and gets upset if I try to force him into the soft play bit. Anyway, he managed to go into th soft play bit and there's like a little ladder you can climb and sit on, he was happily climbing and stopping etc a little girl came and slid down, she could see DS was there but regardless just crashed straight into him (I'd say she was around 6/7 so considerable old enough to have some manners) she crashed straight into him and then shoved him, DS regained his balance and he just smacked her right in th face 😳 and she roared her eyes out. Fair enough, he shouldn't have done that. Before I had chance to get over there the little girls mum shot over there, grabbed my son by the arm and tanked him off the ladder and shouted at him. I was FUMING. Ordinarily I would hav apologies for my son's actions but I didn't and I went mad. Asked her who she thinks she is touching my son and she has no right to be shouting at a two year old. She didn't say anything but gave me dirty looks the rest of the time. DH is annoyed at me because he reckons that I would have been the same had it been the other way around and that I had no right to say anything to this other mum. AIBU?
Just to add, DS has some delays and after his 2 year review they are looking at getting us some support because it's clear he has a development delay and possibly could be on the spectrum for ASD. He genuinely doesn't understand that he is hurting when he smacks, I think because he can't talk it's his way of expression. I'm not making excuses for him, I know he shouldn't have hit the little girl but in a way I feel like he just reacted in one of the only ways he knows how. Hope this makes sense.

I was close by just the other mum got there before me. I did watch it unfold but as soon as he hit her I was on my way over and she got there first.

She shouldn’t have touched your child but it sounds like you need to supervise your child a lot more. Stay closer to him. You could have then intervened before it escalated.

Some parents are nightmares, don’t be one of them, and walk away from others that are. A crazy parent in a soft play isn’t worth arguing with.

This is why I always detested soft play when my kids were younger. Way too many people getting precious over their kid's but it's kind of set up for the children to go off and explore and let off steam so these kind of incidents are bound to happen..
No way should anyone be reprimanding a strangers 2 year old. If she had an issue she should've came and had a quiet word with you. I'd also be a bit pissed off that my husband didn't have my back

It's a tricky situation to navigate but I too would have been livid if somebody put hands on my child. Try not to let it get to you, it's done now - just keep on trying to build up his confidence. Maybe try a smaller softplay or a more SEN friendly set up. Not sure where you are but we have lots around that aren't as intense as a full on mega soft play

I’d be absolutely furious if someone physically grabbed my two year old and pulled them anywhere, plus shouting at him! He was in the wrong to hit but he’s so tiny, they do stupid shit sometimes!! I’m all for someone having a stern word if needed and I’ve not noticed or done it or whatever, but what she chose to do is so above and beyond that!! You should’ve been supervising more closely, you should’ve been there first, but what’s done is done. I guess you know for the future.

YANBU in that the other mother was out of line.

but the ASD and developmental delay stuff is totally irrelevant. No one should be letting their children hit other children, delay or not. You need to be properly helicoptering him - I know MN hate that but that age are unpredictable and need close attention.

I’ve got a bit of a rough and tumble three year old who wasn’t great at sharing ( probably a survival instinct from having older siblings). When we started at playgroup I would literally be by her side modelling how to be with other kids. It does work. Now she goes up to kids and introduces herself and offers toys.

Are you serious? If a woman you dont know grabbed your child and yanked him off some play equipment and shouted at him you'd be okay with that?

I'm amazed she touched your child! I would be RAGING. YANBU

These things happen. There's no correct way to deal with it other than to have as much grace as you can for everyone's emotions. You'll wear yourself out with rage if you continue to react like that so I would hope that you can be assertive and factual as a future coping strategy.

YABU because you should have been right by him at that age and when you know he hits others. If the other mum didn't see it she can't have been right next to the girl so you were obviously much too far away if she got there quicker. You could have stopped the girl sliding on him in the first place. The other mum was absolutely also BU and most likely is the reason her 6 yo who should know better was being rough. But it's also on you.

I agree - if my kid had done something that crossed a line I would want another parent to correct them. I guess it was the other mums instinctive reaction to behave like that- it does sound OTT to touch/drag your son out of the way depending on the circumstances/how hard he hit her etc. Also not right of the 6 year old who should know better than to do that to a toddler. Overall I think it's OK for another parent to tell another child off but physically manhandling them... no (unless totally necessary in the situation)

I'm confused at some of these responses. An older child slid into, then shoved, a toddler. The majority of toddlers will be lacking the impulse control to not hit back, it's an inbuilt reaction.

I'm not excusing his behavior not at all. I know he can lash out but today I really thought he had turned a corner with his social skills. The older child should have known better though crashing into him maybe an accident but the shove afterwards to a child who is considerable smaller and younger is unnecessary. Both of them were in the wrong but the way she reacted was wrong and immature. DH making out I'm an evil cos I kicked off and made a scene.

Even if your child had intentionally jump onto the other child and pushed him over?

He's still a baby. Her DD is much older. Why wasn't she running straight over to tell her DD off for being so rough with a baby?!

I'm definitely one of those parents that has said to my son that any adult can tell him off if he's done something wrong and I didn't see/wasn't there. I don't go in for all this 'only I'm allowed to tell MY child off!' but her DD was the one who instigated this with a baby who's incapable of knowing how to respond to this kind of behaviour towards them. Whether he's ND or NT, he's only 2 fgs.

An adult grabbing a 2 yr old by the arm and yanking him is crossing a line. I'd lose my shit as well. If the mum treats babies in that way, there's no wonder her DD is heavy handed.

Exactly. Often at play situations like this I have to say things to other children because parents aren’t bothering supervising but it’s more like “no, we share” “that’s not nice to push” etc. manhandling is outrageous!

He’s 2! The most socially astute two year old can still hit unpredictably - they are no where near old enough to regulate behaviour

In that exact situation the other mum was the one being unreasonable.

But why was a two year old and a 6to7 year old in the same soft play environment? They are usually split into separate soft plays for under 3s and over 3s. Was this not the case where you were?

As I said upthread I think the other mother was wrong.

But I have a just turned 2 yr old and a soft play in half term with lots of bigger kids running around is probably a place where I'd stay within touching distance of her. If it was a soft play that had a separate toddler section, or it was in school hours so mainly other toddlers there then I'd be less fussed.

There are always issues at soft play!
Of course the other mum shouldn’t have grabbed your kid but I have had to push kids away from my kid in soft play and have also shouted loudly and told random kids off…
Unfortunately you need to follow your kid round closely and make sure he’s supervised closely at all times if you know he has behavioural issues like hitting.
The other child shouldn’t have bashed into your kid but you should have removed him if he was blocking her way. You live and learn OP.

No adult should be touching, moving or essentially disciplining - a teacher would be fired for doing that to a child and I used to be a teacher. It is not acceptable. The only exception to this… if the child was in immediate danger, in this situation- the woman could have easily moved her child away and left your child to you. There are times where I’ve had to say to children - can they have kinder hands, can they be careful of my child etc- but said nicely. Never how this woman did it.

I have a 2 year old and a 5 year old, it’s quite easy for people to say you should have been keeping a very close eye on them, but these things do happen so quickly and with my own children; I do try follow DD2, but she loves following her and sometimes it’s nice to watch them play independently.

Soft play is usually split into ages… surely they shouldn’t have been in the same section? Or maybe the other child was younger than you believed?

If it was a ‘littlies’ section I can understand you watching from a safe distance. But otherwise, you should have been with him - even without this incident.

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