Another mum telling my child off

[WarriorPrincess24]

Took DS (2) and step son (6) to soft play this afternoon. Step son is quite happy to run off and play. My 2 year old though really struggles and he does have some delays and he much prefers to play on his own. I was really proud of him today before this incident because usually when we go he doesn't approach the soft play area and usually wanders about, playing with the balls and just generally entertaining himself, usually he cries and gets upset if I try to force him into the soft play bit. Anyway, he managed to go into th soft play bit and there's like a little ladder you can climb and sit on, he was happily climbing and stopping etc a little girl came and slid down, she could see DS was there but regardless just crashed straight into him (I'd say she was around 6/7 so considerable old enough to have some manners) she crashed straight into him and then shoved him, DS regained his balance and he just smacked her right in th face 😳 and she roared her eyes out. Fair enough, he shouldn't have done that. Before I had chance to get over there the little girls mum shot over there, grabbed my son by the arm and tanked him off the ladder and shouted at him. I was FUMING. Ordinarily I would hav apologies for my son's actions but I didn't and I went mad. Asked her who she thinks she is touching my son and she has no right to be shouting at a two year old. She didn't say anything but gave me dirty looks the rest of the time. DH is annoyed at me because he reckons that I would have been the same had it been the other way around and that I had no right to say anything to this other mum. AIBU?
Just to add, DS has some delays and after his 2 year review they are looking at getting us some support because it's clear he has a development delay and possibly could be on the spectrum for ASD. He genuinely doesn't understand that he is hurting when he smacks, I think because he can't talk it's his way of expression. I'm not making excuses for him, I know he shouldn't have hit the little girl but in a way I feel like he just reacted in one of the only ways he knows how. Hope this makes sense.

Yes I've said several times that in hindsight it would have been best to be in there with him at the time.

I think you were both in the wrong.

You should have been at arms length to your child especially when you know he can't communicate well and you would have been close enough to tell the girl its under 3s. Obviously the other mum should be making sure her daughter is in the correct area

Everyone loses their cool in those places, my child was stamped on by two kids and I completely lost it, the mother had no control over her child and I really wanted to stamp on her - those places give you the rage because no-one parents and think its a place for kids to be feral. It was the one and only time I've been.

They did his 2 year review before he's even 2 and said he's behind? No wonder! Some kids don't have them until months after they're 2!

No sorry, they are doing his review soon but he was behind at his 12 and 18 months review so my health visitor said they will be looking to intervene and get some more support because they are concerned with the concerns I have reported to them. We also go the the children's centre to a play group and he goes to a small targeted group for children with emerging needs ( arranged by healthy family team)

I agree also with @RubySloth re protecting your child, my petite then 18 month old was repeatedly hit and kicked by two older boys (6 or so?) who weren't being supervised and were behaving like absolute hellions. I dread to think what would have happened if i hadn't been right there to shout at them and tell them they were not allowed in the baby area. If this is the first time your DS has been in the soft play area abd he's already had an incident then clearly there will be more and it is worth you being closer - close enough to man handle aggressive mum if necessary.

That makes sense. I'm over sensitive about this because they did my son's literally on his birthday and told me he is delayed but I really don't think he is!

Sometimes I think it's in my head and he is just a lazy boy but then other times I'm certain something is a miss.
He doesn't say hardly any words despite me spending all day talking to him and playing and showing him things etc. He doesn't wave, he doesn't point, he won't look in the direction if I point, he won't answer me most of the time when I call his name, if he gets upset or tired he will lt his hands over his ears. He purposefully head butts walls, or me. He has very short attention span in the way that we've never sat and read a book because he gets bored and wanders off. He can't/won't follow a simple command. We've made progress on some things for example if I put my hand out to him he will grab it when going outdoors etc so I'd say he's deffo got some sort of delay

I hope he and you get the support you need to move forward.

It's an odd soft play if 6 year olds are allowed in areas for under 3s was he in the right section?
Under 2s often lash out it's life they need close supervision and explainations even without any SEND

He was deffo in the under 3 bit. Purely because I didn't want him getting knocked down by bigger kids.

No she shouldn't have done that. He's 2 for goodness sake, she's 5 years older and instigated the event. I mean really, a toddler slap 😳 Some kids do tend be dramatic, especially girls (don't shoot me down, just my experience!) and parents of girls more protective. Also, when my dc were 2 I would be in there with them because of this, older kids don't notice them and they're vulnerable. Xx

I agree, with a child with ASD I was inches behind him at every moment to avoid these situations. Years later I was watching every move, sip a bit of coffee, but go back to standing g nearby. X

You are not being unreasonable. This was an older child and she crashed into your dc who is only two(not even)At that age they can lash out and hit because they don’t understand and that is normal. Older children should be taught to keep an eye on younger children in play centres and be gentle. However accidents do happen and I don’t blame the older child either. My child is 3(almost 4) and I watch him like a hawk around smaller kids to make sure he is gentle around them. Sorry but how dare she speak to another persons young child(who is more or less a baby) like that.

He is only 2 the other woman was well out of order touching your child and letting her daughter in the baby section, she's the one who needs to supervise her child so she doesn't hurt little one.
I would probably reacted like you OP.

we take our children to these sorts of places to socialise and there will always be bullies in these places.

She didn’t expect a two year old to stand his ground and give as good as he was given by her - did she - that’s why the dramatics on her part -

In effect he is only child, and when Mummy and Daddy know exactly what he wants, when he wants it, talking can come a lot slower sometimes,

I wish you luck, and I know it’s wrong to say this, thank you fir the little chuckle it gave me.

So your nearly 2 year old gets slammed into on the slide and then shoved.... he's well within his rights to fight back and defend himself.

This. You should have been right next to him.

I wouldn’t have told the 2 year old off, but I would have had words with you… especially with the added info.. your child is only 2 so they need close supervision as it is, but with the added suspected additional needs and the knowledge you have that of his lack of understanding (which to be honest, is also the same of most 2 year olds) I would expect closer supervision. The fact you were not close enough to get there by the time the other mother had grabbed your child, suggests you were not close enough.

that still doesn’t justify the other mum though, who was totally in the wrong. But a 2 year old is not responsible for their actions, you are.

If my 6/7 year old crashed into a 2 year old and was hit by them, they would have been told it was their own fault for not waiting and crashing into the 2 year old! Quick cuddle and get on with it. Apology to the parent of the 2 year old for crashing, expecting an apology back for the hitting. Quick eye roll and “kids” and back to the day!

Hope your little one is okay OP xx

This right here!

I am guessing the other mum took hold of your ds to move him away from her dd so he didn't hit her again!
If you are going to let your dc climb up a slide you have to expect someone is going to collide with them
What was the age rating? Usually under 2s have t heir own part

I agree with this. Either you are there to apologise and make sure the other child is OK - AND teach your child to apologise too. But she chose to watch from afar, do nothing and not check on the little girl.

He wasn't climbing up a slide

I’d have told him off but not touched him.

Im back OP - and im more resolute in my opinion after seeing the photo of where it happened.

The girl and the mum were in the wrong. The people giving you flack simultaneously dont seem to care the older child was in the baby bit or are questioning your story, which is frankly bizarre! I wonder if the other mum was seen this and got her mates on MN!

I think you seem to have attracted everyone with a passionate issue with how people parent at softplays here without actually thinking about it objectively... i also dont rate people on phones at soft play, but its life unfortunately, the ranting on this thread wont fix it! So please do take it all with a pinch of salt!

With every incident our kids will have - and they will have them despite our best efforts or helicoptering - there will always be an element of "i could have done x y z" differently, but in this situation i dont think anything would have changed the original collide/hit, where the other child was fundamentally wrong. Unless you were holding your child he'd have reacted in the same way, and i think you'd have been having a terse exchange with this other mum either way as a result of that. As for her behaviour, its disgusting.

I hope you're doing ok OP - you definitely were not unreasonable at all! X