I have no interests or hobbies or passion,

[ifeelquiteboring]

Hi

I have name changed for this because I'm quite embarrassed but as the title says. I literally have 0.

I like to exercise, I'm a mum of 1 but I don't do much other than work be a mum and that is it.

My partner keeps calling me boring because I can't hold a conversation or bring many conversations to the table and asks me what I enjoy or what I find interesting.

I want to find new things find new loves find something that interests me but have no clue where to start.

Is anyone else like this or has anyone been in this position and pulled themselves out? Some how?

I know it's not an AIBU but I don't know where to put it! I feel like I have no substance Part from being good at my job and amazing at being a mother.

@poster22445

i think I’m getting all the suggestions and support I need and I think I came to the right place to do it! I feel a slight smile on my face from reading your response!!

to be honest this is where I don’t understand his thought process because quite frankly pdiddu doesn’t Interest me and neither does aliens so why would he think we’d share the same interests if for instance I learned about italy( I want to travel around there one day when my child is old enough) who’s to say he’d even find it remotely interesting? I suggested we found something together to do/learn and I’m still waiting.

Get a national trust membership?

I think my family wish they didn’t have to hear about my interests all the time

Anyway, I say your partner on this one for now, you’ve got a lot on your plate.

I though you would have a 10yo or a teen, basically a more independent age tbh : it’s no wonder with a 2 yo, working full time, and a husband that often works away if I understood correctly, and limited budget like many especially these days, that you don’t have time/headspace for hobbies.

You mention several interests in your posts, some that you have very understandably stopped for now, honestly you sound just fine to me :). There’s lots of potential for developing them, I know googling is a bit cliché, but just try typing in, say, ‘what hobbies for someone who loves coloring?’. You’ll likely get more answers than you wished for haha (and compatible with phone scrolling, which we all do, proof being, well, we’re here right now😅).
Audiobooks can be good for reading while for ex doing chores, I use audible personally.

Do you have any mum friends to go to activities with with your little one, to help with your anxiety maybe (depending if group settings or being alone make you more anxious though) ? Toddler groups ?

And, well, I’m unsure I’d find aliens a great conversation starter ha, to each their own I guess, and if you wish, a half hour scrolling the Daily Mail should be plenty enough to happily chat about pdiddy scandals and the likes 😊.

Your plan to visit Italy sounds fascinating . . . that's definitely worth pursuing 😁

There's so much that you could learn now in preparation for your visit, the culture, geography, history, language etc. If you like browsing in charity shops there are often travel guides . . . they are fascinating to read and it would help you plan which parts of Italy you would really like to visit. My DF was there during the war and fell in love with Lake Como

Op, you must have some interests, otherwise surely you'd just be staring at a wall all day. What sort of TV programmes or books do you find interesting? What sort of threads do you gravitate towards on MN? Those two things alone will give you an idea of the sorts of things that intrigue or interest you.

Perhaps your partner calling you boring has wrecked your self esteem and made you think you're boring?

My friend and I had nearly an hour conversation about stain removers / washing machines/ how we wash clothes/ and how mucky our kids are… had to stop ourselves to comment on how boring we are!

I think there are times in life when we really need hobbies and times we are too busy. My mum loved her hobbies now she’s retired and has the time!

You sound like someone I could have loads of interesting chats with! Reading, exercise, planning travel, these are all great fun, and I'm an expert in none of them. I read crime thrillers, I'm trying to run a few k a few times a week, and I like researching places to go on the off-chance I ever get to go there (looking at you, Corsica, currently in planning since 2019!).

I don't think you need to devote a massive chunk of your life to something to be able to enjoy doing and discussing it. PDiddy on the other hand would bore me shitless 😁

You have your job, your children, your home, your partner and you keep fit. That's not an empty life!

But lacking passion for anything is something I'd want to address. What did you love doing in your teens or as a child? That's often a good basis for starting a new hobby. What about your taste and style? If you like a certain artist you could start looking for exhibitions of their work. Or a designer - go to V&A or Design Museum to look at their clothes or furniture.

What music do you like? Could you see some bands live, or learn an instrument or join a choir? When were you last excited by something? Or angry about news in the media? Might anger or distress persuade you to join a cause or charity or political party to campaign for change?

You could do worse than make a bucket list. It sounds grim but imagine you were told you have one year left to live. Where would you want to visit? What bands might you want to see live? What challenge might you want to accomplish?

You could get interested in travelling to new places. You could step up your fitness and train for a half marathon or iron woman or start wild swimming.

I don't like your dh saying you're boring. And he has gone into spiritual things. A good friend who is a wonderful charming woman was married to a guy who began to explore stuff like that. She had no interest ..understandably. Gradually he began to spend more time with his NEW friends and met a woman who became his SOULMATE as she was interested in his weird stuff. I am concerned he is trying to put you down to justify looking elsewhere.
I have lots of hobbies which my dh hears about for about 5 mins here and there. As for his hobbies l barely manage 5 minutes!! Don't go looking for hobbies to keep him interested..when you find something you like you will pursue it. It could be baking..is that going to turn you into a goddess..ignore him and follow your own interests whenever it suits you.

If you like reading or want to know more about the world, put on podcasts or audio books while you iron, cook, clean etc. And while you exercise.

To sum up:

There are lots of interesting things out there like podcasts and ways of getting out and about a bit more, and MN is a good place for recommendations.

With a toddler and a job you absolutely shouldn’t feel bad if you’re not doing anything much on top! And certainly don’t let your partner make you feel like that. Whatever you want to do is fine for now.

A bit of a random thought but would you and your DP enjoy board games?

I've started playing and really enjoy them and there have been some good threads on MN with interesting recommendations

I enjoy Catan, Carcassone, Jaipur (good fun for 2 players), Takenoko, Raccoon Tycoon (love the auctions!), Trekking the World and Ticket to Ride

Really good fun and we've built up a collection by buying them as birthday gifts

Tbf I think you are very busy with work and a young child and your partner sounds like a dick. I’m also really sorry to raise this but is there a chance that he’s had his head turned with at work or in your friendship group?

You are allowed to have different interests and that doesn't make you boring

I like baking/cooking, running and sports

My husband likes dj'ing, computer games and sports

We only have one common interest really but wouldn't dare call each other boring.

Your partner has no right to allege you're incapable of meaningful conversation. Is everything he talks about so scintillating?
I don't have hobbies so to speak. I'm perfectly content doing my own quiet thing.
Nobody can force you to have interest in something. Some people feel the need to be busy with all sorts of activities, others are happy just chilling, reading, watching telly, chatting online etc.
Of course if there is something you'd like to get into then go for it. Your husband has to be supportive and pick up on childcare to help you do your hobbies, as he said he wanted you to.

@Evilcountspatula

he works up and down the country and never in the same place for too long. He also has a tight schedule so I know round about what he’s doing at most times.. I also feel he’s too worried about my life and aliens to be attempting to get into another woman. He doesn’t socialise at anything other than work and managing a football team for his son.

good luck to the woman if there is one and that’s all I can say 😂.

we currently aren’t together im at my mums as she’s away

Eurgh he sounds like a twat. Is he REALLY going to be interested to hear about your tuba lessons/tennis club/crochet projects? Chances are he’ll call those boring too. What makes him so fascinating??

You don't have to do anything. If you're happy as you are, great. If your partner isn't happy as you are, that's another thing.

How the hell can someone whose interests are sleb gossip and woo have the bare faced cheek to call someone 'boring'?

Have a look at FutureLearn. They do free courses on all types of topics and I did loads in lockdown. You can dip in and out, watch them on your phone etc.

What about an online book group? Again, you don’t need to go out and can join in the discussions anonymously.

Can you research your family tree? A lovely thing to pass down to your DC. I’m on Ancestry and I’ve been contacted by some distant relatives and have found out lots about my family.

I’m not a great ‘hobbyist’ or joiner but I do love finding stuff out.

Absolutely agree with this .

You've had plenty of suggestions on here from other posters if you do want to take up hobbies or learn more about the world , although I would also agree that working full time, caring for a young child and looking after your house - I'm amazed you even have time to sit down for 5 minutes and put your feet up .

But please don't think you have to become more interesting on the say so of a man who sounds like he just falls down internet rabbit holes of gossip and conspiracies .

@ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea

thank you so much, I am intrigued and I know where I can go with it now when I find the time. Like right now our two year old is laying my leg watching wheels on the bus because she had a 3 hour nap that I could wake her nore keep her awake if I managed to wsje her from.. so in that time I cleaned and had a bath! so this is it now I will be waiting for her to go to sleep again for myself to go! No time to myself at the minute!

I also have young DCs and between them and work I find I have very little time for Much else. I'd be hard pushed to say I have any proper hobbies but I do manage some yoga, journaling, gardening and reading.
My DH has a lot.more hobbies and passions in life... he always has had, long before we had kids.
But he would never say I'm boring and if he did I'd find it hard to get past that. He should be helping you to find time doing things that interest you. I think that's really important in a long-term partnership/marriage.
Do you feel like he'd actually be interested in/support you to find time for now hobbies?

Bullet journaling 😍. Never heard of that. Thanks