I have no interests or hobbies or passion,

[ifeelquiteboring]

Hi

I have name changed for this because I'm quite embarrassed but as the title says. I literally have 0.

I like to exercise, I'm a mum of 1 but I don't do much other than work be a mum and that is it.

My partner keeps calling me boring because I can't hold a conversation or bring many conversations to the table and asks me what I enjoy or what I find interesting.

I want to find new things find new loves find something that interests me but have no clue where to start.

Is anyone else like this or has anyone been in this position and pulled themselves out? Some how?

I know it's not an AIBU but I don't know where to put it! I feel like I have no substance Part from being good at my job and amazing at being a mother.

It's great fun, doesn't need to take more than a few minutes a day when I'm busy, and really keeps me on track with everything I need to do.

I use a Rhodia Goalbook . . . it has space in the front to list birthdays, then spaces to write all forthcoming events. There are also several index pages. After that it's up to you to decide how to use the dotted pages.

I have listed my goals, have drawn a plan of the knitted blanket I'm working on, and have meal plans, housework plans, and reading lists. I also have a running to-do list

Each day I write the date then list all the things I need to do. It's VERY satisfying to put a cross by each one as I complete the task.

Some people are very artistic and produce beautiful bullet journals but mine is very functional. I use coloured pens for the headings and fill the gaps with pretty stickers but that's my limit with decoration.

Hope I haven't derailed this thread! 😂

OP your post makes me feel sad for you. It's to totally reasonable with a two year old and a full time job just to be doing that. Full time work and balancing family life when the kids are title can be all consuming.

When my kids were that small the o my hobby I had was reading, it was a way to get some me time in the bath but it wasn't something I'd speak to others about as o don't know many that read the same genre as me.

As my kids have gotten a little older, I've picked up a team sport and I love it. It's been great to learn something new and meet new people. My husband plays for the men's team too and it's been great for us as a family as it's brought us a new community.

I think perhaps your husband was being a bit unkind saying you have nothing to talk about. Do you have friends you can enjoy time with? I'd have that as a starting point.

He's interested in aliens and the P Diddy case? Run for the hills.

Personally I don't find people interesting or fun because they have hobbies, they just are interesting because they share their thoughts on things or are funny or likeable

I wouldn't worry! I don't have any passions either and I'm happy that way. I do as I please which is not a lot.

well quite frankly your partner sounds like an arsehole to call you boring and unable to hold a conversation. I'd look deeper into that before deciding you somehow need to 'fix' yourself.

And many women lose sight of themselves when in the daily grind of wok and young children. It's temporary usually.

But aside from that- think back to when you were a little girl or a young teen. What did you love then?

Oh - I'll tell you something completely random that I do. Every night I look up the English language newspaper of another country. Just to see what's going on. It's not a hobby per se, but I do enjoy it. Last night was Finland. I usually go by the alphabet then circle around again. So tonight will be Ghambia. https://standard.gm/
https://www.helsinkitimes.fi/

I don't really have hobbies that are not child-related. My older son has autism and food issues so alot of my energy is taken up with reading about that, looking at latest research, finding autism-friendly activities in the local area and looking at what new foods to try. That's not particularly interesting to anyone else though so I don't talk about it much!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with other people finding you boring, it is only a problem if you are bored.

Having young dc myself, any free time , I want to do 'nothing ' as that is a luxury and I need to recharge. You may be the same. I have interest , which I am passionate about but I don't have the time or energy ( or funds) to pursue these.

I must also clarify, there is a difference between a hobby, and a passion . You can't force a passion.

You lose yourself when you have small children. Forget Mr Hobbies criticism- he sounds a bore. But perhaps take it as a nudge to think about how you can carve out something for you. Particularly something that mr exciting has to facilitate for you by giving you time to do it.

And I have to say- being 'interested' in aliens and pdiddy...... I hope there is more to him than that because he sounds both rude and a crashing bore. And a pretty inept father and partner if he leaves it all to you and criticises you to boot.

I read a lot - I’m interested in the gut/nutrition so there’s a lot out there atm.
Trying to educate myself in different ways.
Also read fiction - was in a book club for years but it disbanded after covid so looking for a new one (trying one but it’s not quite me - I’m about 10-20 years too young and I’m in my 50s!).
I’m not sporty and have health conditions that preclude some exercises now but if I was better I’d prob find a local Zumba type class as used to enjoy that.
I tried choir but can’t sing and there’s no ‘no sing’ choir near enough to me. I will continue checking though as I really fancy this!!

You don't have to "fix" yourself because your partner says so.

And conspiracy theories are not a hobby!!

OP your other half sounds basic. Aliens and P Diddy? Who is he to criticise?

You sound like you have a full plate already. But if you genuinely want to find new interests and passions, go to a book shop and look at all the sections and pick up the books that interest you. A quick read of the synopsis will let you know if you want to know more - then get the books that really draw your attention.
Doing this over the years has shaped my life to some extent (career, what I do in my spare time, friends I have etc).
Although when my kids were really young, I definitely didn't have time for much at all, if anything extra.

YouTube is brilliant. I listen to audiobooks on there, seen some documentaries and watched a few old classic films.

You don't need to have any hobbies in particular to be interesting. To be interesting, you need to be interested.

Go to interesting places, listen to podcasts, watch interesting stuff.

Your DP sounds like he has the emotional intelligence if a plank of wood. He's away, you're solo parenting and working and he drops by to regail you with nonsense about P Diddy and complaints that you're boring. What an insufferable arse, you are not the problem here.

I have a feeling that your dp thinks you're boring because you're not fascinated when he speaks.

This!! You have a full time job and a 2 year old. Let him try to look after a 2 year old and probably 90% of housework and see how many hobbies he can have.

Give yourself a break OP.

Yes, you are not the problem here. How dare he watch you juggle FT work, parenting and (I'm guessing) keeping the household running then accuse you of being dull. The audacity.

That said, if you are looking for new interests that fit around your schedule I can recommend learning a language (Duolingo is a good starting point).

I was just coming on to say something like this - you're holding the household together, and he's p'd off that you aren't interested in his Specialist Subject: The Life and Times of P Diddy?

What chores is he prepared to pick up to give you more time to pursue a hobby?

I am EXACTLY the same.

I'm 34 and I've never had a hobby.
The same as you, I wouldn't know where to begin. Anything I've tried (not very much), I just can't be bothered/it feels like an effort rather than something I look forward to.

My partner has lots of hobbies. He hasn't outright called me boring, but he has mentioned me getting a hobby etc. I also don't feel like I can bring much to a conversation.

I don't really care any more to be honest. It is what it is. I'm probably not going to change, but it would be lovely to feel like I'm a bit more interesting!

This.
No way would I let someone who considers aliens and following the Pdiddy scandal to be hobbies call me boring. He sounds like a teenager.

Your doing okay your a good parent, good at your job and you exercise or are you not happy or bored etc.

In addition to everything else that's been said, there are gendered differences in what is considered a hobby or interest.

There is a tendency to define what a hobby is around stereotypically male interests. Men think women don't have hobbies and interests because we don't share their hobbies and interests. Why is an interest in following groups of men who you've never met playing football any more worthy than an interest in hair styling, make up, nail art, house plants, fanfiction etc? Why is spending hours researching crypto currencies more valid than hours spent researching child development? Why is spending thousands of pounds building a bike that is vastly over-specified for your needs an acceptable use of time and money, but collecting designer handbags (which hold their value better than bikes) not?

I don't own a proper handbag and the last time I painted my nails was 2012, but it does annoy me that these interests are automatically ranked lower than some bloke's time spent building his fantasy football team.

Totally agree, if that's what he selling himself on I'm morto for him altogether 😂😂😂

I don't think it actually matters a jot what you're interested in but for me curiosity about the world is incredibly attractive.

I love meeting someone who is lively minded & interested.

Personally I've spent my life reading avidly & I've done several online courses & travelled to literary seminars/ events on areas of literature I'm particularly interested in & have met several like minded people along the way.

I work in the arts (not literature) & feel enormously enriched by the conversations about ideas I have on a daily basis with artists & colleagues.

I travel a lot & love history & regularly go to places I've read about either in history or literary texts - simply because I want to see / feel them..

I go to the cinema v regularly & love good films. I'm a member of my city's film festival.

I go to galleries & museums v often

I love the theatre too & have recently become interested in opera.

I do crosswords & word games on my phone. I adore language..

I meet friends & make time for that & I cook a lot. Sometimes just for us & often for friends & family.

Life is short & I love squeezing as much out of it as I can. We have always prioritised experiences over possessions as a family.

I'm in my 50s now & dcs are late teens so I appreciate you're in a different place.

When mine were small I used nap time to read everything I could get my hands on. We also travelled a lot with small children & it was fabulous experiencing places through a totally different lens - handing out in parks with local families etc

For what it's worth I would find your husbands interests wildly boring.....

I have friends in all age ranges from 30s - 70+ & we connect on shared ideas/ thoughts & ages simply doesn't come into it