to think that this current batch of 18 year olds are REALLY messed up?

[WishIMite]

I try not to generalise about groups of people, but I can't help but think, looking at my children who span various ages, that the current batch of 18 year-olds are more of a mess than the other age groups.

So much drug-taking, unable to make eye contact, rudeness (which I think is social ineptness) and lack of socialising together. Just a total lack of social skills and resilience really. They don't even seem to have proper friendship groups and alliances.

Can't help but wonder if lockdown hit them at a really crucial age.

Do other parents of 18 yo wonder the same, or is it just that my 18 yo and friends are particularly shit?

My 18 year old DS seems ok and his friends are fine. They are polite , say please and thank you and make eye contact.

He tells me there are some who smoke a bit too much weed - DS has tried it but it made him really sick so it put him off. He goes out to the pub most Fridays with a group of mates and if it's sunny they meet at the beach and go paddle boarding or have a bbq.

They hang out as a mix of boys and girls too - he seems to have lots of girl mates and the occasional girlfriend.

Most of his friends have a job ( DS not working at the moment to concentrate on A levels but he did two years of lifeguarding) Once A levels are over he is hoping to do some lifeguarding jobs with an agency he's signed to.

DS still has some growing up to do but I'm hoping that if he goes to Uni he will mature quickly enough.

Weed seems to be prolific among the 18 yos I see. Just totally normalised. I've not come across that before.

I can't help but think, looking at my children who span various ages, that the current batch of 18 year-olds are more of a mess than the other age groups.

Well yeah, at any given point in time the then 18 year-old group will probably be more messed up than those older or younger. Younger kids have less easy access to drugs, alcohol and casual sex. Older people are more experienced with these things and can handle them a bit better. At 18 you have easy access but take things to excess. Also in the older group, they've passed through the 18yo region and the worst of their "cohort" will have succumbed to the lifestyle.

I'm glad your bunch seem ok @AngelsWithSilverWings - the outside lifestyle they have sounds very wholesome!

I remember the others' being more social than this cohort. I think that's the main difference. And although there was a lot of talk about 'oooh drugs' - it wasn't so normalised. Now all of them seem to vape/smoke or smoke weed.

Mine's 19. Not like this. Doesn't smoke weed. Doesnt drink. Working all hours in uni and doing a punishing degree so not much time to socialise. Goes to the gym to relax.

My nearly 18 year old seems to be ok. Quite immature for his age but he does have Aspergers syndrome so that could be a factor. They were forced into lockdown at the stage when they were in year 9 and getting more independent which must have had a big impact.

Drinking alcohol is normal.

Drug taking less so.

slam.nhs.uk/addiction-in-adolescence

There's significant research on this.

If your son is in with a group that takes drugs it will be normal for him.

My son hated alcohol and drugs and didn't take any or drink but he was well aware of the party crowd who did. (He's early twenties)

This year's year 13 are by far the most immature I have taught.

I am funding my DS at uni. If he so much as looks at a vape or weed, I will be cutting that funding off.

Not ime. I think they are more mature and have better social skills than my peers at that age but that might just be the ones I know.

I don't recognise any of this in either my own DD (in her 18th year) or others I know. Most work part-time, play some sport, are far more articulate & confident than I was at their age & have a sense of direction.

That doesn't mean they don't have other issues & challenges, and have tough times, but what you describe isn't the norm where I am (and I work in a university so I encounter lots of 18 yos

Sorry OP, I don't mean to sound smug but my 18yo is lovely. Doesn't take weed that I'm aware of, has a lovely girlfriend and a great bunch of friends, plays football, is working hard for his exams and hoping to go away to uni in the autumn. Goes to parties and drinks a bit too much, kind to his siblings, polite to me and DH.

Mine isn't like this nor are any of their peers, they seem to be the exact opposite of what you're describing. Very anti social media and pro living in the moment too which is nice.

I'm not seeing the drinking and vaping but the ones I know do seem to be less social.

Nope not mine. He is resilient, polite, does not take drugs, gets out in to the world, manages stress well. I think he's great and his friends seem good too.

My 18 year old and her friends are lovely people. They are doing well in education, making constructive future plans, all have part time jobs and burgeoning independence skills. I would venture to say they are more mature than I was at their age - in part due to the greater pressures that have been put on them.

Yes, some of their age group take drugs, and some drink excessively, and some have dropped out of education/employment, but surely that was ever such?

Actually I agree there is more of an anti-social-media thing than my other DC. But it's not replaced with actual socialising.

Maybe it IS my DC/their circle that are the problem!

Yes, immature is maybe a good word for it. I think they seem more like my others' were around 15/16.

I meant to add- as I sound smug- that my older DD had a tough time with uni during the pandemic. But not because of drugs or alcohol. Just the online classes which affected her social skills. She has recovered though.

I can’t judge. My batch of 18 year olds were incredibly messed up. 2004 and most us smoked weed, stayed out all night and got ourselves in some incredibly dangerous situations. Attendance was poor when we did our GCSEs and non existent by the time we went to Uni. Nobody did PE and everyone met up with randoms off the internet. Critical thinking and common sense simply didn’t exist to us.

When I look back on my college and university days I cringe - my classmates were rude and trashed everything. Debt was rife and people would literally drink every single day until they developed dependency.

In my student house, all the boys became addicted to alcohol and online gaming - and failed their education.

Many of the girls had emotional problems, cutting and or eating disorders.

😳

Haha, yes actually, my other youth was not amazing either in terms of drugs and risk-taking. Maybe my in-between DC are the weirdos...

My 18yo isn’t like that either. I literally don’t know how we have managed to raise such an amazing young lady, she works hard at school, is articulate, goes to the gym, drinks a small amount when she goes out, is pretty anti drugs and smoking (due to sport). And generally lovely to spend time with.

not saying this to sound smug but you asked the question. Most of her friends are lovely too (some drink a bit more but they’re a great bunch).

I disagree but I guess it depends on the people you know.

My son and his friends are nothing like this. They are over the teenage phase of being embarrassed by parents and will come and say hello to me if I see them when out and about. They are more like their primary school selves again- funny, chatty and cracking jokes with me which is great fun for me too.

They all drive and work. My son’s best friend is the Ms Rabbit from Peppa Pig and seem to have done every job going. He has discovered a favourite one and it’s forming his future career. Ds and his friends aren’t just drifting into uni either. Many have decided not to go because they don’t want the debt and have gone for apprenticeships or work while they think about what they want. They worry about serious subjects like affording a house one day and what future earning potential of careers are.

During the summer holidays before they could drive they’d go out all day on e-scooters and bikes and listen to music on a portable speaker and hang out in parks and stuff.

I don’t see this with my 18yr old DS & friends. They are all pretty friendly and sociable enough to have a chat when I see them. Sure they all drink too much and probably smoke a bit of weed but they are all studying at Uni / College, have weekend and evening jobs & have hobbies like playing sports & in bands.