to think that this current batch of 18 year olds are REALLY messed up?

[WishIMite]

I try not to generalise about groups of people, but I can't help but think, looking at my children who span various ages, that the current batch of 18 year-olds are more of a mess than the other age groups.

So much drug-taking, unable to make eye contact, rudeness (which I think is social ineptness) and lack of socialising together. Just a total lack of social skills and resilience really. They don't even seem to have proper friendship groups and alliances.

Can't help but wonder if lockdown hit them at a really crucial age.

Do other parents of 18 yo wonder the same, or is it just that my 18 yo and friends are particularly shit?

To be fair, I tried hard to make sure the effects of the pandemic didn't affect them too much but a lot of boys just got into socialising online with friends through gaming and settled into that.
It's been tough for those kids. Those are developing years and that's how they developed socially.

I think Covid lockdown and addition to phones/social media has made a massive different in how people socially interact. Therefore it’s not surprising that we are seeing the impact of this on the youth coming up.

How would you know?

I was 18 at university in 2005. We were all fucking nuts. We're all well adjusted successful adults now.

Breaking news: teenagers do stupid shit.

‘bursting with potential and optimism’

If they are bursting with optimism, they’re definitely on drugs.

Was totally normal in my circle in 1997 - more normalised than smoking cigarettes, and on a par with having a pint.

I think some of this is just individual group norms tbh, nothing you have said sounds particularly unusual, but equally I know other teenagers who are totally unlike that.

I don't recognise any of what you've said in my 18 year old DD. She is sociable, as are her friends and boyfriend. They go out to parties - but don't drink anymore than I would have been doing at that age. They're studying for A levels, off to uni or gap years in September, she has a part-time job. Passed her driving test quickly when she was 17 so she's independent. She's communicative and chatty. We spend a lot of time together, even if sometimes it's just going to the supermarket. She is contact with me a lot when she's not with me. I have adored the teenage years, she's been a dream.

In my experience, drugs were far more rife in the 90s when I was at school. DD says none of her friends smoke weed etc (it seems to be a specific group) but when I was at school, literally everyone did!

My 17 year-old doesn't drink or take drugs at all I'm hoping he won't drink as he was diagnosed with Diabetes last year
He quite naieve but has a good bunch of friends ,I don't think we can blame lockdown for everything but I suppose they did all go through a unique situation at a time when they should have Been gaining more independence.

That is both ridiculous and hilarious - firstly how would you know, it’s not like he is going to tell you. And secondly, despite my cohort smoking a lot of weed, taking a lot of ecstasy, ketamine and other drugs, all of us are now totally respectable professionals now. It is perfectly possible to work hard and play hard, and keep the two entirely separate.

Partying a bit at uni is not a reason to cut your child off (tbh I wouldn’t even class a bit of weed as “partying”). Would you say if he drinks alcohol you’ll cut him off? If he goes round to a friend’s house you’ll cut him off? If he goes to the cinema when he could be studying you’ll cut him off? Having a vape is about on that level.

I'm so over this. Covid was a shit time, very difficult for many, very hard for teens - completely agree.

But it's been years. Plenty of time for most people to have moved on, adapted, and been back to normal (or a new version of it). Of course a small minority may have been significantly impacted by illness, bereavement or other issues.

We do 18 yos no favours by trying to suggest any challenges they face are linked to the pandemic.

Yeah my mum / dad didn’t know what I was doing from the age of 14. And definitely didn’t know anything about my life at University 😂

though I was born in 1986 which says it all

I haven’t seen this myself for this age bracket.

My ds is 18 (19 in Oct) and he’s out having such fun. So too are all his friends. They are all friendly and polite. Ds works (and they all love him there), is out most nights either for meals, bowling or the cinema etc. As far as I am aware, neither he or his friends are into drugs.
I am actually very proud of him because he struggled with awful school anxiety, the years from 12-16 were so awful for him.

HOWEVER! The same can not be said for dd (16) age group. Although, thankfully she is ok, so so many in her school year have gone off the rails, especially the boys.
They take drugs, a gang of them walk round our village and are very intimidating, they are rude and unfriendly, they are all obsessed with violent porn and seem hell bend on destroying their lives. A few have been expelled from school and will not be sitting their GCSE’s this year so God only knows what their future holds. They just lounge around smoking weed all day.

I don’t know what happened with dd year but many seem to have so many issues.

Sorry, I should have typed “Mum AND Dad”… They aren’t the same person. Feel like clarifying that 😂

They didn't get '2 years taken away'. They had a challenging time with certain difficult restrictions of course.

Even still, they could socialise, go to school, learn, play sports. Sure, with limitations & gaps - and I had 3 DC and am a single parent & hated lockdown & the issues we faced.

But stop over-dramatising it. They weren't locked in a cave for 2 years, wherever anyone was.

for spending two years indoors on their own

Who did that & why? No-one had to spend two years indoors and alone. Christ.

Indeed. I may not know for certain.
But I will know if his grades drop. And I will find out why. I know teens do stupid shit but I aim to keep it to a minimum, controlling though that may be.

My parenting is rather different because I am Asian. I didnt drink or smoke or do weed in uni or school.

True I did my nurse training but lived in uni accommodation in the early 90,s my parents would have been horrified if they had known half of what i was up to
🤣
I a rather sedate and sensible 50 year old now.

@Grownyourownway Violent porn? How do you know this? Do the boys walk around watching it on their phones on loudspeaker? Have the school told the parents to watch out for it? Or have they been sharing it around via Snapchat etc?

Grim.

(I hate this new phase of only using the loudspeaker to listen to tinny sounding shite on phones)

I have one DC graduating this year and they have not had a single in-person lecture where they have met people studying their degree!

That's bizarre and unacceptable. I work in a university, in a teaching role. From 2021, in person teaching was back in place, albeit with limitations. And has been fully back for 2 years. (I'm in Ireland).

In fact, we have to push back against students wanting online provision as we know the in-person experience matters hugely.

@WishIMite re the wholesome outside lifestyle - this actually started because of Covid. Where we live the kids wouldn't be locked up! We tried to encourage sticking to the rules but it seems that every child around was out on their bikes every day. We have lots of off road bike trails near by and they can cycle safely for miles.

The daily hour of exercise stretched to three hours most days. In the end we just let him go out at soon as he had finished his school work. Before Covid we were really worried because all he did was play Fortnite in his room all day.

Paddle boarding became very fashionable here in the summer between the lockdowns and it's remained a big thing.

We are lucky to live in a great small coastal town with lots of outdoorsy stuff that can be done for free and the kids embrace it.

They all seem to love golf too - the boys and the girls are often at the driving range or an indoor golf place ( not sure what exactly that it is but they go at least once a month for a night out )

While obviously you can't generalise, I think you have a point. At my DD's large, high performing state sixth form there does appear to be a significant drug problem (with several deaths since she's been there). Vaping is ubiquitous (although my DD doesn't take anything( but they seem to have moved on from weed to harder drugs - whereas weed is rife in my younger DD's school. This is all in a town that is a byword in leafy, boden-wearing, middle-classness and is frequently criticised for being boring and hugely conventional. I think my DD and her friends seem very young - although she is ND which obviously influences this and was very impacted by COVID. Many are, I think rightly, going for a gap year as don't feel ready for Uni. They don't seem to socialise as a cohort in the same way as we did, but that might be partly as their college is so huge and I was just in a school sixth form.

I am in my 20s and think the kids just younger than me, so enough of an age gap for me to pass judgement without them being my exact age, are a lot less resilient and a lot less able to handle social interaction well. They seem unsure of themselves

They do come across as more touchy in terms of what offends. But on the up side, seem much better than my own peers at that age at accepting differences

I find them as a whole much more accepting and welcoming of disabled children and people. And bullying seems to be a lot less 'cool' and frowned upon by others as a collective. Bullies don't seem to be the cool kids anymore

They also seem a lot younger than their years. In some ways I think that's a good think

I left school in 2015, for reference

There's a study that suggests risk taking among teens is on the decline

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277953622009224#:~:text=Adolescent%20risk%20behaviours%20declined%20markedly,to%20smoking%20and%20drinking%20declines.

Maybe also because they can't afford it!

The study covers millennials and gen Z so that may be true.

As an outsider looking in who was a teenager not too long ago, I agree

I think the difference is very noticeable even with kids who are less than a decade younger than I am now