to think that this current batch of 18 year olds are REALLY messed up?

[WishIMite]

I try not to generalise about groups of people, but I can't help but think, looking at my children who span various ages, that the current batch of 18 year-olds are more of a mess than the other age groups.

So much drug-taking, unable to make eye contact, rudeness (which I think is social ineptness) and lack of socialising together. Just a total lack of social skills and resilience really. They don't even seem to have proper friendship groups and alliances.

Can't help but wonder if lockdown hit them at a really crucial age.

Do other parents of 18 yo wonder the same, or is it just that my 18 yo and friends are particularly shit?

I know that was possible because people at his school generally live in walkable distance to school but it wasn’t like preschoolers and primary school kids who couldn’t see their friends at all.

Yes it has. The fact we have already forgotten about it is quite telling. I guarantee you those youngsters haven’t forgotten.

Let’s say you’re only fully cognitive from a long term memory point from about 5ish. It’s equivalent to about 15-20% of their lives. And at such a crucial point. C. 16 was my most formative years.

I pushed boundaries, found the limits of acceptable behaviour, developed social skills moving from child to adult. I looked at the world around me in a different way. Went to parties and events from wider groups than previously. Through more independent travel and visiting friends of friends saw different ways of life and everything from extreme wealth of owning Lamborghinis in country houses to parents sleeping on sofas downstairs so their children could have the privacy of bedrooms upstairs. I learnt a lot about the world in those 2 years. More so than any other imo. And it shaped everything from my understanding of the world, to the formation of my hopes and dreams.

Mine doesn't smoke/vape, drink or do drugs. She works hard, is polite, volunteers and makes eye contact.

But I agree about the socialising though. I'm gen x and we were out all the time. None of this generation seem to want to.

If you don't, or rarely, socialise with others then you don't learn how to socialise with others.

If you stay at home and play video games for most of your adolescence your social development will be stunted.

I think that's pretty obvious.

I think doing a sport or other hobby seriously makes a big difference. My 18 year old DS is on the talent pathway of his sport's national governing body and the coaches are pretty strict on behaviour on and off the pitch. He's very anti smoking, drugs etc, drinks alcohol once in a blue moon, careful about what he eats, exercises most days, works hard at school and is usually in bed by 10pm. Many of his friends are similar. Obviously there are other teens who are very different. I think it's much how it's always been to be honest. I doubt the current batch of 18 year olds are really much different to previous or future cohorts.

People aren't 'blaming it for everything', they are just acknowledging that it probably had an impact on young people's development.

My DC did spend most of two years off school: once lockdowns were lifted they had covid several times, and one was hospitalised with cardiac problems afterwards.

My older DD developed a bad case of social anxiety in the pandemic. She didn't resort to gaming or vaping or weed, but just didn't want to go out at all. But then last summer, I cajoled her into taking an in-office job- all hers had been purely WFH until then- and she improved hugely. She has now opted for another in-office job and declined WFH. She still has fewer friends than most, but goes out with the ones she does have.

I think it's time to gently coax young people back into the world if we can. WFH is poison for them.

The opinions shared by posters are largely based on their personal experiences with their children and their immediate social circles, which represent a very small and potentially biased sample of the total population. Consequently, forming a well-rounded opinion from such limited data can be unreliable.
In contrast, a previous poster who is a teacher and has access to a broader and more diverse group of individuals provides a more informed perspective. According to her, the current generation of students she teaches is the most immature she has encountered.
Food for thought.

@SherrieElmer that is strangely worded and sounds like AI! Am I just paranoid?! The point is valid though!

I guarantee you those youngsters haven’t forgotten.

No you can't. I have 3 DC, who were at various ages and stages of primary and early secondary school when Covid started. They had a shit time, at points, of course they did. And I hated it, I thought i was going to have a complete breakdown (really busy at work, zero support, single parent, so so lonely - I mean, like many).

So we did not enjoy it. Largely they HAVE forgotten about it and moved on. Sure, they think, 'oh remember when...?' but they'd want to be completely lacking in resilience not to have moved on largely at this stage.

Ditto their friends. Not one other parent I know is saying that their DC are still affected by the pandemic restrictions in late 2024!

The rest of your post is so hyperbolic and frankly a bit silly.

Yes, teen years are formative, and each of my DC missed out on some milestones during that period - my youngest (8 at the start of Covid) actually the most. He couldn't do meaningful work at home, would be someone who is prone to low mood anyway, and he was worryingly low during that time - and I couldn't help, as I wasn't much better, and I had to work so I would come down from my office mid morning each day, and find him lying under the dining table, immobile and sad, and often refusing to do any of the home schooling work.

I'm in Ireland, so in that period we had Confirmation and Communion celebrations that are typically big milestones in children's lives, chances for celebration etc and they were postponed and didn't happen in the same celebratory way.

Lots and lots of examples, as everyone has, of losses.

however, I'd be a pretty poor parent if I hadn't managed to instill some resilience in my children - since then they are back in school, fully involved in sports, have had plenty of great experiences since - they are fine. Most kids are fine. Some are not but most are. And even during lockdown, there were certain highly restricted periods but after a period kids could meet up (albeit outdoors), play sports (with restrictions) and even travel again (again, with limitations).

Barring the unfortunate few who had serious health complications from Covid, it's nonsensical to be saying that children were particularly adversely affected by a relatively short period of restrictions and inconvenience.

@Lentilweaver

I completely agree. Well done helping your daughter through that. Working with other people (not always on a screen!) and having at least one social hobby is essential.

100% AI. Especially with 'in contrast' - always a giveaway with ChatGPT!

😂 it does! Or like a senior secondary school student trying to sum up their argumentative essay.

I don't recognise this from my 18 & 19 year olds.

Eldest has just finished first year at uni, youngest doing A Levels and will go to uni in September. Both doing career related degrees.

Both are happy, friendly, socially confident, well adjusted, sensible (ish) young adults. They socialise with friends and drink socially, but not to extreme (although there were a few "chatty" nights when they first started going out drinking!). No drugs at all. They have strong friendship groups and hobbies and sports that they do in addition to their studies. They are responsible, fairly independent, drive and have part time jobs.

Honestly, they've grown into great young people and I'm really proud of them - their friends are similar.

But there have always been adolescents who sail through life with ease, adolescents who fall completely by the wayside and the (majority of ) adolescents who sit somewhere on the scale, making their own mistakes, but mostly coming out fine at the other end. It was always thus. Teenagers will teenage. On the most part they will make it through unscathed.

Older people have always worried about younger people. "It wasn't like this in my day!" has been heard throughout the decades!

Dd tells me most things. A lot of the girls in her year date these boys. They try to push them into having rough anal sex and choke hold kind of things. It is indeed very grim (and worrying).

What's the point of the AI posts?! Who is writing them and why? It's so weird!

I'm.sorry your children had a rough time of it
Bu the fact remains most teens did not spend two years locked up.indoors.

I'm glad your DC were not affected. Mine were, significantly, with most of two years off school, locked down university flats with no in-person lectures, deaths of family from covid, husband having to move out due to his job, and me becoming disabled from long covid.

I don't think minimising the impact that it had on many, many families and children is really necessary? But I'm very glad that impact wasn't universal.

Yes, very robotic.

Anecdotally, my 17 year old socialises loads, goes to house parties, even choosing universities based upon the social life. Obviously, he is with his friends doing this and they are all similar. They ding have any issues with eye contact, in fact it is funny to me when they call me by my name and chat to me about all sorts of things- politics, college, music.

OP, you certainly have had a hard time of it. I have long Covid in the family, so yes, I am aware that is very debilitating. I hope things improve for you. Very sorry for your disability.

I didn't mean to sound as black and white as I have on here. as everything is a spectrum!

Mine were, significantly, with most of two years off school, locked down university flats with no in-person lectures, deaths of family from covid, husband having to move out due to his job, and me becoming disabled from long covid.

I'm very sorry to read this. You are exactly the case I was referring to when I said 'the minority'. You have had a tough time and that undoubtedly affected your DC.

Thankfully most people didn't experience health and family issues of this magnitude, that was my point.

You were asking a general question about 18 yos. In fact, if you'd led with this information, it would make a lot of sense as to why your DC, unfortunately, are adversely affected.

I am particularly surprised that one of your DC did a full degree with no in-person experience. That isn't the case in any university in Ireland, though undoubtedly, students in first year of a 3 year programme when Covid hit, fared the worse - with the remainder of 2020 online and a portion of early 2021. However, their final year was in-person with minimal restrictions.

It's hard to imagine what excuse the university your DC attended could use for a 3 or 4 year programme entirely online, when restrictions were only in place for max 1 year of that.

When are we going to stop blaming the lockdown for everything? Some teenagers are rude and due to being spoiled by everyone around them have little motivation.

I lost my husband during the pandemic, wasn’t allowed to see him for weeks before he died or be with him when he passed away. I’m still able to lead my life and fit in with society. Some teenagers believe the world owes them a living - their parents need to develop backbones and point out the obvious.

So much drug-taking, unable to make eye contact, rudeness (which I think is social ineptness) and lack of socialising together. Just a total lack of social skills and resilience really. They don't even seem to have proper friendship groups and alliances.

Coming back to your OP, this would really concern me. Now that you have updated on your wider personal circumstances, it must be the the case that the very difficult time you have had has had an impact. I know you are also talking about his (her) peer-group, but this is decidedly not normal.

No drug-taking among any teens I know, and as I said upthread, most I know are confident, articulate, well able to chat directly to adults, and to advocate for themselves. All my DD peer group have part-time jobs (I never worked during the school year as a teen) and they have a brilliant social life - nothing like my teenage years. For 18th parties, there have been get-togethers in houses, meals out, trips to events / concerts, all within smaller or wider friendship groups.

Screens are unfortunately a pre-dominant part of their lives, but much more an issue for my younger sons, than my DD - and even then, they play a lot of sport so are out and away from phones and other screens a lot.

It doesn't mean that everything is perfect - my eldest DC is currently really stressed about her exams, and final year of school, and university choice, my youngest is quite down, mood-wise and trying to address that is challenging. But I think it falls within the bounds of normal?

My DS not in teens yet but weed worries me. It is way stronger than the stuff that was available when I was 18 and I think it really can mess with the development of young brains. I know of one young man in early 20's who has had episodes of drug-induced psychosis due to his weed habit. His mental health is in tatters....

(I should point out, for sake of clarity, DS is not taking weed. I just worry about the easy availability of it when he gets older.)