to think that this current batch of 18 year olds are REALLY messed up?

[WishIMite]

I try not to generalise about groups of people, but I can't help but think, looking at my children who span various ages, that the current batch of 18 year-olds are more of a mess than the other age groups.

So much drug-taking, unable to make eye contact, rudeness (which I think is social ineptness) and lack of socialising together. Just a total lack of social skills and resilience really. They don't even seem to have proper friendship groups and alliances.

Can't help but wonder if lockdown hit them at a really crucial age.

Do other parents of 18 yo wonder the same, or is it just that my 18 yo and friends are particularly shit?

Haven't rtft but did anyone else see the thread title and think 'Hmmm - is that you, Rishi, furtively trying to nudge us into supporting forcing deadbeat 18 year-olds into national service'?

I've seen a big change in socialising generally over the past decade, well before covid. When I was younger we used to go out to pubs, clubs, gigs early on an evening, stay out late, walk home or stay over. It was cheap, fun, probably a bit safer? Over the past years I've noticed they tend to drink at home and go out later, much like on the continent. Drugs have always been around and most dabbled but it wasn't as much as now, especially coke as part of a night out.

At age 18 and the new freedom, it's always been a new adventure, just as with everything, what we do reflects the times. X

My 18 year old is doing OK. She's holding down quite a responsible job and has saved enough to buy her first car.
She can communicate perfectly well,using eye contact too.

@WishIMite you could be describing my son and his cohort - I wish I was in the majority group of commenters who have lovely happy well balanced teens, but I’m firmly in your camp with my 18yr old son. His older sister has managed fine, just finished uni and has a job for the summer before starting her masters, so it’s not our home life or parenting that failed.

Yes I too wish I had a wholesome teen who is surfing every weekend but sadly not! My older two are totally different as well.

I think it's the shift to drug-taking circles that has surprised me the most. And the comments about 'why didn't you see it coming' aren't helpful - it isn't that they suddenly decided to hang around with a load of stoners. They've all been friends since college started and it's gradually changed. I've not met any of them as college is some distance away and none live locally. I could hardly advise my dc during A-level season to just find different friends at this point!

I'm pretty sure that after the war / flu pandemic there would have been parents saying: "Well they just need to pull themselves together and stop blaming these things!" - it's very British I guess - but covis has had a huge impact as it took away the chances for them to make choices and fuck up and take risks and become more resilient for those formative years. It impacted my other two as well, but the impact on my 18 yo seems far more stark.

PS No I am not Rishi

It's hard to get them away from unsuitable friends and into healthy occupations sometimes. Especially if you are rural. Any family that can help or advise?

Only their older siblings really. But they are going to take up an apprenticeship in the autumn and move away from home, so it will be kill or cure I guess!!

I think taking up an apprenticeship and moving away may well be the making of them.Will certainly help social ineptness, as it did with my DD.

🤣 You're a gullible one, @Angels

they meet at the beach and go paddle boarding

Sure they do.

@EnglishBluebell what are you implying? I know they go paddle boarding. What makes you think I'm gullible?

18 is when tey start uni.You haven't heard of students smoking weed??

@EnglishBluebell

What a horrible post! Why would you think that @AngelsWithSilverWings DS doesn't do this? Why does it seem strange to you he meets up with friends & goes paddle boarding?

@EarringsandLipstick thanks it was a horrible post - I'm quite confused by it.

Why would DS go to the trouble of taking two huge paddle boards and a pump out with him just as a cover to get up to some other nefarious activity? We've also seen him down there with his mates and we see the videos and photos they posts.

I am so sick of this Covid sob story excusing teens vile behaviours. Yes Covid affected everyone. No it does not excuse selfish, rude, vile and violent behaviour that is being displayed by many teens.

And I’m sorry but it’s these ‘parents’ excusing these behaviours in school and out of that are creating this mass population of entitled brats.

I lecture at university and this is by far the worst cohort for a little while in terms of having the skills for writing essays, they also aren't good at attending, our attendance has been low since Covid, never picked up again even though students said they wanted person to person teaching, a good proportion don't show up. I do think something isn't quite right, I do have lots of great students, but more poor ones than usual, and the combination of lack of skills and then not attending is meaning many aren't doing that well. I don't think they are lacking in intelligence, they aren't engaged though.

I have two 18 year olds. They drink occasionally, are studying quite hard for a levels have no mental health problems, and are generally pretty happy. But I do feel, like puppies, they missed a crucial developmental socialisation phase because of covid. They seem delayed with social skills.

This kind of comment is so tedious. All teens are different and not all fit into the stereotype of drug-taking and drinking. Don’t you have the imagination to see that, and that some will indeed like just paddle-boarding with friends?

@AlwaysMeDoing thank you - it's not as if I made a post claiming that all my son does is go paddle boarding unless he's helping old ladies cross the road or volunteering in a soup kitchen!

I also said in my post that he has tried drugs but had a bad experience and that he goes out drinking.

Not sure what that poster was implying - I can only assume she believes I'm gullible because he must be using the paddle boarding as a cover for some sort of illegal activity.

I wonder what she thinks he's doing when he's off out playing golf with his friends? I dread to think!

Maybe their teenager is up to all sorts diodgy stuff and assumes every other teen is that same.

Yeh some teens do actually like activity

Bit of a low bar from pp

Nearly all the 18 year olds I know are physically active in some way - football, going to the gym, dance, surfing, parkrun, whatever. It's a cliche to think they're all sitting in front of screens the whole time.

At 17/18 DS had tried drugs and drunken to excess. He also engaged in regular sports activities which were not a cover for doing these things (as he freely told me about the drugs/drink anyway).

I think the "gullible" comment says more about the person making it than anyone else.

I work in a secondary school and without fail the 18 year olds are a delight compared to the 16 year olds! The boys especially seem to grow up so much between 16 and 18. They certainly do silly things in their free time sometimes I'm sure, but who doesn't at that age?

Almost always though the ones with the biggest problems are the ones with the least parental support - regardless of what their parental income is. I think parents really don't realise how much time, love, support, direction and encouragement teens still need.

My ds has gotten up to some really stupid things over the last few years, but not so much to do with drink and drugs, more doing daft things. Climbing Snowdon in a Minions onesie in poor visibility for example!

He does drink at social events (and wants to get fake ID so he can drink at the school prom as he's not yet 18! 😫) and he's been clubbing (with someone else's ID) but he's not massively interested in those activities. On Monday he went to a trampoline park with his friends, then they made a meal and went bowling. Honestly, a couple of my siblings were way more socially inept and immature at this age, despite lack of social media and no covid!

@AlwaysMeDoing DD (19) went kayaking with her friends over the weekend. I don’t think she’d have asked DH to fix the kayak on the car if she hadn’t planned to actually do it. 😂