to think that this current batch of 18 year olds are REALLY messed up?

[WishIMite]

I try not to generalise about groups of people, but I can't help but think, looking at my children who span various ages, that the current batch of 18 year-olds are more of a mess than the other age groups.

So much drug-taking, unable to make eye contact, rudeness (which I think is social ineptness) and lack of socialising together. Just a total lack of social skills and resilience really. They don't even seem to have proper friendship groups and alliances.

Can't help but wonder if lockdown hit them at a really crucial age.

Do other parents of 18 yo wonder the same, or is it just that my 18 yo and friends are particularly shit?

I think it depends a lot on their peers.
My DD has a bunch of lovely friends. Mostly ambitious hard working girls and a couple of boys. They do party and drink, but not all the time. Drugs I think don't figure with this group but I am well aware are pretty rife in the area and with this age group. Vaping is becoming less 'cool' I think. There's a bit of derision for looking like you're sucking a fluorescent marker.
They all are planning on university, most have part time jobs and are bright and articulate.
COVID has a lingering effect on maturity for some but even the kids I knew that had bad anxiety during it have come out the other side now.

Yes my 18 year old smokes weed and I agree with all you have said!

from the 18 year olds I know, compared to when I was 18, I have WAY more faith in the current 18 year olds than in the ones when I was 18!

Weed was pretty common and normalised when I was 18 which was late 90s

Didn't take it myself but readily available if I wanted to and some friends did

Of the three nightclubs in my hometown one was the weed nightclub where you went if you wanted to get stoned, one was the one you went to if you wanted to put things up your nose all night and one is where you went to drink blackcurrant and cider and dance to cheesy pop which was much more my scene

I agree ,I mean 2020 -2021 .was undoubtedly a rough year with lock downs, and bubbles ,social distancing etc
But it was four years ago now
How long are people going to keep blam8ng the pandemic for everything?

Going to take this opportunity to ask: were some places in the UK really locked down for a full 2 years? Genuinely looking to understand if anyone can direct me to some information, because googling is showing March 2020 - June 2020, September 2020 - Nov 2020 and Jan 2021 - July 2021 which is 11 months total, then obviously freedom with caveats around that - I know Scotland had longer restrictions, but does anyone know if anyone's collated the data by area? We were in a middling sort of area and while schools and colleges were heavily affected, we are lucky enough to have green spaces which were swarmed with teenagers in between lockdowns, it must have been a lot harder in bigger cities where you need to take public transport to socialise as a lot of people were avoiding public transport to try and avoid bringing covid back home.

From what I can tell, drugs were more of an issue when I was 18 (in the early 90s) than for my DC's peer group.

That is the large part of two academic years?

@Beamur “There's a bit of derision for looking like you're sucking a fluorescent marker”

Yes! Even the Yr6’s mock older kids who vape because apparently they just “look stupid”

So I guess that’ll be on the decrease soon?

Like how we looked stupid walking around with our WKD blue age 16 😂

I agree with socialisation skills, so many now are just used to chatting/messaging online that I think they don't feel the need to actually meet up in person and talk. And of course, when they do, phones are always out.
Drugs though. Nah. I was a teen in the 90s. Drugs were much more prevalent. Don't think I know anybody who wasn't experimenting with something. And teens in my day were under much more pressure to drink compared to today, where I would say half my kids social circle drink and the other half aren't bothered.

My 18 year old DD, is fab, her friends are great. They do enjoy going out to clubs/bars and some have a few too many. But in comparison to when I was her age (I’m 40), they are much more tame. Some smoke a bit of weed (so did my friends - I’ve never been keen), lots of them vape. They don’t seem to experiment with drugs as much as those who grew up in 90s/early 00s

most drive, are at uni or have jobs and are are lovely bunch. Always in and out of our house and really polite, always have a chat with me.

i think they are a brilliant year group. Another PP mentioned their worldly view and I agree. My DD is very learned on politics and culture. I adore how they stand up for themselves and really do not care what demographic people fall into.

they care about the rights of others and some may say they are ‘woke’ and they are but I still see woke in its original (rather than the Daily Mails derogatory) meaning.

I think they are fab and long may their generational ethics continue.

Not what I recognise in my 18 year old and friends. Mine is hard working, academic, great company and off to a great uni after the summer by virtue of all his hard work. He’s single minded and determined. Yes he has a head full of broken bottles sometimes and he does drink alcohol but he and his mates are a good bunch.

I do think the lockdowns did a number on many of them. I think that's true for a lot of ages, but among my four kids, my 19 year old is the one I think has had the worst and longest impact compared to his younger siblings. He was so drained and depressed at the end of Year 13 last summer that he's taken what we've been calling a gap year where he's been working 3-4 days a week at a local hotel while trying to sort through stuff. His boss (friend of my husband) has nothing but praise for his people skills and remarks about how he's come out of his shell, only complaint is he sometimes arrives with his hair and nails amess.

His mood has improved, but he openly admits he feels very isolated and that he games too much largely because of that and struggling a lot with knowing what he wants to do. I'm really at a loss at time of helping him develop further, even though we've discussed that he wants more help, neither of us really know what it should look like.

On the other hand, the research and data coming out about them is that while they feel lonelier, they are less likely to be drinking, doing other drugs, and such compared to people my age when we were 18. I do think it's openly discussed more in some social circles, my 19 year old told me last week that one of his online gaming friends had admitted to being high and he was unsure how to take that, but I don't think they're all doing it more. My 19 year old has tried alcohol twice, wasn't impressed either time, and his drug of choice is video games.

I don't see this at all with my 18 year old and his group of friends. He works really hard at college, is predicted amazing grades and is going to a top university. He works coaching kids in his spare time and really loves it.
He doesn't drink or smoke or go to nightclubs. His group of friends go to the gym together, go to watch the football matches and go to Nando's. That's about as exciting as it gets. He is kind and respectful and helps out around the house. I couldn't wish for a better boy. I know I am very lucky and someone will probably come along to shoot me down but I'm super proud of the lovely lad we have raised.
To be honest, if I thought he smoking weed or getting into bother I would hit the bloody roof!

We were all young once. Maybe don’t ’hit the roof’ if he smokes a bit of weed. And going out to bars/clubs is a right of passage, if he isn’t now he will at uni and he will probs try a bit of weed at some point.

and of course I don’t know you but I don’t think you will ‘hit the roof’ as I think you know he is a lovely lad generally. 😍

Who spent two years indoors on their own ?
My sons school was closed from March 2020 -September 2020,However things were opening g up again in the summer ,some people even went abroad on holiday
September 2020 to March 2021 was shit in the autumn term my son was sent home several times because of bubbles bursting
And then we had had the second school closure after Xmas
I'm not denying it was a rough year but no one ( unless they were shielding) was locked up for two years.

Thank you. I know he will probably drink a bit and go to pubs/nightclubs when he goes off to uni but I really don't think he will use weed even if pressurised. He is an athlete so is very conscious of what he consumes and the consequences.

@Lentilweaver

Indeed. I may not know for certain.But I will know if his grades drop. And I will find out why. I know teens do stupid shit but I aim to keep it to a minimum, controlling though that may be.

It is controlling. I have a masters and a diploma. I did far more than vaping or smoking a joint.

I'm sure your son will be fine even if he fancies a piss up or a joint now and again.

Your call I suppose if you're funding him. I'm in Scotland so university was free and I was free to get as mangled as I liked and roll into lectures hungover. Fun times.

That's fine. I have long since given up any attempt to make people understand Asian parenting and culture, or where it comes from. I am happy to be thought of as controlling. As for pissups, not opposed to him drinking, but as he plays sports almost daily, he doesn't want to drink as it affects his performance. His choice entirely there.

Not really half of one academic year and half of another but even so its absolutely not two years indoors by themselves
Covid was rough but it wasent solitary confinement!

My 18 year old is fine. Did well in his Highers last year so has uni starting in September. Likes a few drinks but - as far as I am aware - doesn't dabble in drugs. He was in the first 15 for rugby and their set seemed to want to do well in exams which I think is half the battle.

He is very chatty with us now, but that only really happened over the past year. He was a right mardy pain sometimes when younger.

So it could just been that some teens haven't moved out of the my DPs are so awful phase yet, but also smoking weed is awful and knocks your ambitions and drive out of you. When I was at uni there was a bunch of folk that did it and they seemed to do little else, I believe it's a lot more dangerous than the "soft drug" it's labelled as.

I remember the others' being more social than this cohort.

Not sure why teens being more social would mean they behave less antisocially or have better manners.

Mines not like this at all. His head is screwed on, has a job, his own car, at uni. I see some like this where I'm from. My brothers son who is the same age is into drugs, stealing, failed all his GCSEs, can't ger a job, hasn't gone to college.

That's why I said 'schools and colleges were heavily affected' - primarily the 20/21 year.
But not all socialisation happens at school.

My teens saw their friends during lockdown.
They were old enough not to need adult chaperones so could stick to the group of 6 rules and daily exercise rules legally and easily. I know some that happened to walk their dogs at the same time and place as their friends so they could have a bit of a face to face natter.