to think that this current batch of 18 year olds are REALLY messed up?

[WishIMite]

I try not to generalise about groups of people, but I can't help but think, looking at my children who span various ages, that the current batch of 18 year-olds are more of a mess than the other age groups.

So much drug-taking, unable to make eye contact, rudeness (which I think is social ineptness) and lack of socialising together. Just a total lack of social skills and resilience really. They don't even seem to have proper friendship groups and alliances.

Can't help but wonder if lockdown hit them at a really crucial age.

Do other parents of 18 yo wonder the same, or is it just that my 18 yo and friends are particularly shit?

And if I’m honest, I’ve been impressed with the teens / young adults these days. They’re so worldly and have a good knowledge of music & art of all eras, politics, international cuisine and other cultures.

All we can do is teach and be there for them.

My son (18) and his friends are a good bunch. All working and studying. They drink but not excessively and I don't have any reason to believe they are taking drugs. Maybe I'm just lucky

Its a difficult and transitional age. The adult world suddenly opens up, and for some time now, I don't think we've equipped our young people to deal with it responsibly. When I was that age, 18 was unquestionably an adult, with rights, but also with responsibility. We may well have been working (and paying board!) for two years by then, and expected to observe the usual behavioural expectations in the work place and at home, with no one suggesting we were still children, or that we should get special dispensations for lack of emotional control due to our brains not being fully developed etc. These expectations were imposed gradually through our teens, so that by the time we were allowed our full rights, we had a better understanding of consequences and sanctions. I think if we're going to stop confusing our young adults, with the resulting challenging behaviour, we need to stop with the mixed messaging. It's adult or child. Not veering one to the other as best suits at the time.

My son had some friends around yesterday and we were talking about the General Election. They told me about a South Park episode where the kids had to vote between Giant Turd and Shit Sandwich which made me laugh as I’d just told me my opinion that neither choice are great.

That is a good point about uni - definitely fewer of this group are going and have opted straight for jobs/apprenticeships or years out. Probably sensible, but a different route to growing-up than previous years.

The current 18yos were 14/15 when Covid hit.

Is this surprising at all!?

Staying indoors. Education and routine disrupted. Watching people be criminalised for walking in the park. The general levels of insanity and discord that spread through society. We didn’t deal with it very maturely ourselves. Let’s be honest.

Im surprised they’re not more fucked up tbh.

Mu 17, nearly 18 year old is nothing like your post. Neither is my 22 year old.

Mine is far less rebellious than I was.
But is far more anxious.
Has lots of confidence for many things I did not have.
We are completely different.
But the core values we have are the same.
I know that COVID made it hard. Lockdowns shut down the natural way of teens growing.
They suddenly came out,free, without the small steps that we did with the others.

I think that's the only difference I see.

I do not wish to brag - but my 18 year old and his friends are bright, friendly and bursting with potential and optimism. They are stunning, really. I love being around them.

DS and 9 of his closest friends are planning their inter-railing this summer. He is revising a few hours a day and going to the gym. They all have jobs and healthy relationships. They have very funny dinner parties involving complex dishes that create a huge mess and they drink very cheap wine.

They actually seem very balanced and mature. They are desperate for the next phase. I don’t envy the teachers getting them to exams as this lot feel done with school.

in work in a university and the first years (the 19 year olds) are also back to pre-pandemic form. They come to class and don’t seem as entitled as the previous 3 cohorts.

Yes and no. A couple of years ago one of my GC said that they didn't feel like they were 17, more like 14. Some do seem younger and a bit adrift. COVID and lockdown have paid a part at crucial stages of development, obviously affecting some more than others.

Loads of my mates kids are deferring uni as don't feel ready but I get that. It's expensive so you don't want to make the wrong choice.

Lockdown was when they were 14/15 so I'd imagine that's a crucial age for starting to hang out with peers without parents and Make mistakes. They were not able to do that till 16ish so stands to reason they are a little behind the curve.

My dd has been working as she hated sixth form. She mixes with older girls and
Seems a little more mature in some ways in other ways she is very immature but is autistic so that could
Be why.

I’m so sick and tired of the damn Covid and lockdown excuses.

Wasn’t going to post but my 18 year old son is nothing like this either. He’s a wonderful young man. Off to uni in September- has just finished his final exams at school. Has a part time job. He passed his theory test yesterday and then sat and watched a film with me after lunch which we analysed to great extent afterwards 😆 I’m going to miss him so much. His circle of friends are all brilliant - a mix of boys and girls, all off to different universities to study different things… Long may it continue.

@Coshei

It's not an excuse it's a fact

You
Cant take two years of life away from a young person and not expect it to affect development. It's obvious

It’s an unpopular opinion but I agree.

Yes it's not an excuse, it's just a fact. Children of all developmental ages are going to struggle to make up for spending two years indoors on their own.

All the 18 year olds I know are pretty amazing. And the ones 19, 20, 21.
The year group that are just crazy imo are the current year 10, 14/15 , the ones who missed transition activities for secondary, missed yr 6 leaving events, residentials etc because of Covid.

My current 18 yo has gone to a more rural college than the others. Maybe I'm seeing more rural 18 yos (not many have jobs because there aren't any). None of them drive - can't afford it. That's definitely a difference.

I think as with everything it will just depend and whilst you say you don't like to generalise you then go ahead and do just that. As with everything it's a spectrum - in my work I see some of the mod vulnerable 17/18 year olds - some who would very much fit your description but then many others who don't.

In life my 18 year old DSS is a dream boat, his pals are great. I actually see with my step kids all now young adults less alcohol being consumed than when we were that age. Lots of focus on physical activity, exploring the world etc.
So is this true for some 18 year olds yes probably - has it always been true to some extent - again yes probably.

Hi It does depend from child to child, but DD was very impacted by lockdown and it has delayed some social skills. She had great trips planned in both 2020 and 2021 with friend which were both cancelled due to lockdowns or covid restrictions and she hasn’t really recovered.

Hopefully going to uni will be the making of her.

My two young adults, one 18 and one 20 is nothing like this and nor are their friends.
Both sociable, doing well in higher and further education and work in jobs around that.
I do know a young person who is as you describe and I'm afraid covid is not to blame for it.

I don't think you need to tolerate weed, vaping and excessive alcohol because of Covid. Other stuff perhaps.

I can't recognise this either. My DS is 18 next week. His friends are all lovely young adults who chat to me when they come round. They are in the middle of A levels, are all working hard and will be going to university in September. Most of them have part time jobs.

They drink but not excessively. They go to parties and enjoy themselves but are not stupid. None of them are into weed. Some of them vape but it's definitely the minority.

Most of them play lots of sport and are very competitive. They all seem to spend hours in the gym as well.

It was a few years ago. Everyone was affected to a degree, and it’s lazy and convenient to simply blame a whole age groups’ issues on Covid.

I don't think anyone is doing that, but it does change their experiences which impact things. I have one DC graduating this year and they have not had a single in-person lecture where they have met people studying their degree!

I actually think the economic downturn is probably the bigger issue, with impacts on no jobs, not driving, not being able to afford university (and what's the point anyway if you can't buy a house etc?).