AIBU for thinking MIL has priorities wrong with her grandson ?

[blueyavocado]

I'm not keen on MIL baby sitting our 12 wk old son , but it's awkward as it's my partners mum and he wants her to play a role.

Me and MIL clearly have different parenting approaches , I respond to my baby sons cries or signals immediately and stop what I'm doing to attend to his needs. Whereas she said she would leave her boys to cry until she had finished what she had done.

Last week I had an appointment and she offered to watch baby for 30 mins. Before I left I encouraged her to sit on the sofa with snacks and have a good cuddle. When I got back 30 mins later he was in the Moses basket on the floor with a blanket dumped over him and she had been painting the back door!

This morning I had a pram to assemble so she offer to watch him fir 15 mins. He was in a playful mood and happily batting his toys on the mat as I made the pram. She cuddled him for 5 mins then took him upstairs to try and get him to nap. I went upstairs and found him in the bedside crib in a playful mood with a blanket chucked on him. She had gone to clean up what was already a clean kitchen. I explained that if he needs a nap to tuck his blankets.

AIBU to think she has her priorities wrong? Obviously things need cleaning but there's a time and a place and those precious baby cuddles won't be forever.

His grandad is completely different , he will happily sing to him and cuddle him

Have you explained you are meant to be in the same room if they are napping?

Not everyone thinks baby cuddles are precious. You don't mention that your son was distressed so I'm assuming he was perfectly happy - if you ask someone to look after your child you don't get to judge their priorities.

OP how would your approach work if you also have a couple of toddlers to look after?

Stop leaving him with her. Why’s she sticking a blanket on a small baby?

Why’s she cleaning instead of spending time with him? Is she under the impression from you or her son that you need help around the house?

You don’t need to let anyone babysit him if you don’t want to. It’s not up to your DP.

She’s not that bothered by him, stressed about caring for him so finding other distractions, worried about you/your home and feels that’s a more pressing priority. Do you have an inkling?

Plenty of us have more than one child and manage to attend to a baby who’s upset as quickly as possible. As it happens, OP only has one for now so she can parent him as attentively as she wishes and other people having toddlers is irrelevant.

I think YAB a bit U. You said yourself you have different approaches. Her "chucking a blanket over him" makes it sound like she literally threw a blanket on him (ie a very unsafe situation) and that probably didn't happen, she just isn't giving him as much attention as you want. It's possible to be looking after a baby and not focus 100% on it. Neither of you are wrong, its just a different approach.

Your MiL is missing out on cuddling your DS in favour of cleaning? She's crazy.

First time mum are you? The baby fits in with you not the other way round. Think Grandma has a lot more experience bringing up children than you. Precious much?

I agree with this.

She may even be gently showing you that it's ok to do other things whilst looking after a baby, and you don't have to spend every second cuddling them. As for the cuddles not being forever, well sure but you will be cuddling your child for a very long time, my kids are 9 and 6 and I still get many cuddles a day.

Unless your three-month old child was screaming his head off, I'm sure he was perfectly happy wiggling about in his Moses basket.

Just because you might want to sit and cuddle him every second of every day, that doesn't mean she has to. She's doing you a favour by babysitting while you pop out to appointments etc. What does it matter how she's spending the time she's with him? Not everyone finds babies fascinating - that doesn't mean they're incapable of looking after them. She's someone who is happy to have a little cuddle and get on with things.

Most parents I know with small babies do, you know, get on with their daily lives. I don't know anyone who just sits holding their baby all the time, or only does chores if the baby happens to be asleep. They

What?! That's not exactly practical is it! As long as you can hear them it's fine to not be in the same room!

I guess she's just had a different approach to parenting as you do. Neither of you are wrong but if your baby isn't distressed or put in danger then I don't think you should do anything unless you want to lose your free babysitter.
The blanket should be tucked in though I agree, and I wouldn't have been happy to leave mine with someone who would have left them to cry while they were doing something else, would she do this or is she ok with picking up if he starts to cry?

Of course you do! And you can stop them doing it in future.

but he wasn't upset or fussing in either occasion OP has described.

Is this in your house? If yes, maybe she is trying to be helpful by cleaning your kitchen and painting your backdoor.

I don't think you can dictate to the level of "it's not ok to put him in his Moses basket where he's perfectly happy, for a short time, so you can get on with household jobs; you must sit and cuddle him continuously".

Well, you can, but in a couple of years' time OP will be complaining that MIL never wants to babysit.

A 12 week old shouldn't have blankets in their cot, first of all. Secondly, stop having her watch him.

It's not fine when they are little. You being in the room with them is a SIDS preventative. Nature didn't design babies to be left alone.

On both occasions the baby was fine. I thought you were going to say you came back to a screaming, distressed baby. I actually think it's good not to be constantly holding and interacting with a baby. It's good to let the baby sometimes just sit there without constant stimulation and attention. If a baby is content and just happily looking around then it's fine. It's quite a modern notion that we should spend every moment amusing and entertaining our babies.
I would definitely go to a crying baby and I enjoyed interacting with my babies of course. At the same time I could see the value of just letting them be sometimes (if they were content).

I agree about the cuddles. My 11 year old son still loves cuddles!

@SallyWD not fine that not in the same room when baby is napping

Reported post

I bet there will be a lot of ‘just a minute love/let me just…/can you ask Dad/game interrupted/I’ll do it just after’
🙄🙄🙄

Oh dear.

No, she doesn't have them wrong. They're just different, and imo correct.

She's not a substitute YOU, she's a grandmother. Your baby is lucky to have different inputs.

She doesn't have to cuddle your baby. Nobody but you and his dad have to do that. She was watching over him: he wasn't crying, he wasn't fussing, he was totally fine. Life goes on for everyone except the parents when a baby is born. Seriously, much as I'm sure your baby is wonderful, the back door still needed painting.

In my experience, infants can have too much adult interaction. They need time to be, to learn how the world is by themselves. They don't need people in their face all the time, cuddling them, holding them, kissing them, playing with them, interacting with them. It's not good for them. Can you imagine someone doing that with you?

Wtf?!

Are you actually saying that a caregiver needs to be in the same room as a baby when it's sleeping?!