AIBU for thinking MIL has priorities wrong with her grandson ?

[blueyavocado]

I'm not keen on MIL baby sitting our 12 wk old son , but it's awkward as it's my partners mum and he wants her to play a role.

Me and MIL clearly have different parenting approaches , I respond to my baby sons cries or signals immediately and stop what I'm doing to attend to his needs. Whereas she said she would leave her boys to cry until she had finished what she had done.

Last week I had an appointment and she offered to watch baby for 30 mins. Before I left I encouraged her to sit on the sofa with snacks and have a good cuddle. When I got back 30 mins later he was in the Moses basket on the floor with a blanket dumped over him and she had been painting the back door!

This morning I had a pram to assemble so she offer to watch him fir 15 mins. He was in a playful mood and happily batting his toys on the mat as I made the pram. She cuddled him for 5 mins then took him upstairs to try and get him to nap. I went upstairs and found him in the bedside crib in a playful mood with a blanket chucked on him. She had gone to clean up what was already a clean kitchen. I explained that if he needs a nap to tuck his blankets.

AIBU to think she has her priorities wrong? Obviously things need cleaning but there's a time and a place and those precious baby cuddles won't be forever.

His grandad is completely different , he will happily sing to him and cuddle him

@SplitFountainPen

yeah just sitting there for a full hour would be boring

and babies don’t need to be held all the time

@SplitFountainPen

yeah just sitting there for a full hour would be boring

and babies don’t need to be held all the time

I would never want my child being looked after by someone off painting doors and not in the room with a baby. Not sure about the blanket bit either. Perhaps op is grand with not having someone who ignores instructions not babysitting?

It is not a favour if someone is mot doing things safely. I would rather not have favours that are stressful and not best practice in safety terms.

It is totally simple. Listen to how the parents want you to do it, then do what they say. Easy!

This! I’ve no doubt that by the time I become a grandmother, guidance will have changed again. I won’t be arrogant enough to think I know better that the baby’s parents.

He turned out just okay ish had severe asthma as a baby and was hospitalised for over a week as she smokes in the house! Has co-ordination problems as she drank and smoked during pregnancy

Yes if baby is in a room with the door open the dog has access to the baby and that's also why I'm always nearby and if I nip to the toilet etc . I either shut the door to prevent the dog coming in or bring him with me. The dogs are very gentle with him but they are animals and it's not safe to leave him unattended

I don't need her though

Yeah that's what I was doing and she took him away

We would have him downstairs in the Moses basket whilst we watched tv xxx

In this case you honestly need to stop all unsupervised visits. If MIL can't see the problem with this then that's her issue. On this point alone you are not unreasonable at all.

If you don’t need her and are never going to need her crack on.

you are in a very lucky position to never need a grandparents help with child care.

Yes we do unfortunately

@blueyavocado

yeah at some point op you will want a night out or whatever and will need a babysitter. Do not burn your bridges OP!

I know what you mean, and I co slept before it was OK’d by the Lullaby Trust, so I have no skin in this game. But in many cultures around the world - including ones I’ve lived in and raised my babies in - babies are in caregivers arms or strapped to them in slings all day, and sleeping in bed with them at night. They are literally never alone, and in these cultures SIDS incidence is very low.

This changes everything. If you are feeling this way you need to move out and get your own place.

You have already said that you don’t need your MIL so it will be a piece of cake.

Come on OP, that’s quite the drip feed.

You have an infant in a house with dogs and a smoker who smokes in the house. That changes absolutely everything. Her not being the room while he naps is the least of it. Smoking in the house with an infant is insane (and cruel).

And, just check for yourself: you do not want your baby held and kissed and cuddled for periods of time by a smoker. He’s better off on the floor with the friendly dogs.

Im sure you’re not living with her out of choice. You probably don’t have much control over your living conditions and this is the thing you can try to control. I think you should focus your efforts on getting out of that house. It’s not healthy for your baby.

OP why didn’t you mention to live with your MIL in you opening post, that’s really odd?

Think OP meant that MIL smoked around her DH when he was a baby

Co sleeping has not been okayed by the lullaby trust they are clear it's best for baby to have their own sleep space but if parents insist on co sleeping they have advised on the safest way to do it....but it's not as safe as a separate space.

I see what you mean. I read “she smokes in the house” and “she drank and smoked during pregnancy” as both being true ie she’s always smoked (in the house) and didn’t even stop when she was pregnant leading to her dh still having co-ordination problems.

“He turned out just okay ish had severe asthma as a baby and was hospitalised for over a week as she smokes in the house! Has co-ordination problems as she drank and smoked during pregnancy”

Do your living with an alcoholic smoking mil who walks off with baby and a couple of dogs ....her not cuddling baby is probably safer and the least of the dangers.

I've told her politely many times and shown her. today lost my rag. She demanded that she held baby and that I help her husband on eBay. 5 mins later , I find him on the floor in the Moses basket, on his side with a loose blanket. For starters we don't even use the Moses basket unless for supervised naps as he is starting to roll

Oops, you're getting on each others last nerve now.