What if I can’t get on the plane?

[Northerngirl345]

My best friend and I are due to be flying long haul on Friday. I am a terrible flyer, it terrifies me, but I decided that if I booked fancy seats (business class) and could natter with my best friend the whole way - I’d be fine.

Well, today was the day to book seats and we can’t get two seats together. I’ve spent 2 hours on the phone to the airline and they say they can’t help. I even thought about upgrading to first class but this was going to cost £8k and they STILL couldn’t promise we’d be sat together as I’d have to pay before seeing what seats were available. I don’t actually have a spare £8k but I was tempted until I realised it wouldn’t solve my problem.

Now I just feel like I don’t want to go. I was already super nervous and this has pushed me over the edge.

My best friend flies alone all the time and can’t see the big deal. She thinks we’ll “laugh about this one day”.

Has anyone got any ideas to help me here?

YABU - suck it up and get on the plane
YANBU - cancel the trip / find a way to get 2 seats together.

Get to the airport early and talk to the staff on the check in desk. I’ve always found them able to make things happen there which seemed impossible days earlier.

Keep your mind on settling in to a comfy seat, glass of champagne in hand and a good movie on the screen.

You could go to the gate as soon as it opens and speak to the staff there. They might be able to ask the other people in the cabin if they would mind swapping. They might say no of course but it's worth a try.

I hate flying so I feel your pain. Some things that have helped me:

Bach’s rescue remedy.
Imagine that any bumps in the air are like potholes on the road. Not a big deal.
Look at the other passengers and crew and notice none of them are panicking and everything is normal.
Wine.

Get diazepam from the doc - it really helps.

Call the doctors and get an appointment and explain and see if they will give you something. Diazepam or something as a one off.

I have been scared of flying in the past and find long haul actually helped, firstly it's larger planes and less claustrophobic and you feel a bit less like you're in a metal tube in the sky. Secondly you can't keep up that level of terror the entire time.

Look at the other passengers and crew and notice none of them are panicking and everything is normal.

This helps me a lot - I also find just speaking to the crew helps me - I explain I’m a bit nervous of flying and they say something reassuring and it helps a lot.

I think flying in business will really help because of all the distractions of the nice things to eat and drink.

I’d assume they’ll be in flight entertainment with it being long haul, so that’s as good as nattering with your mate, or you can also download some films or podcasts of your own if you don’t trust it to be something you’ll like.

If you could even sit on each side of the aisle together you'd feel better.

I'm sure someone would swap with you once you get there if the booking staff can't help. Just ask.

Last time I flew I got to my seat and someone else was in it. He never cracked a light. Just pretended the seat was his. It wasn't. I'd paid for it. That was a little bit annoying.

But I wasn't too bothered as his relative was on the other side of the aisle, but if he'd had the manners to ask if I wouldn't mind swapping, I'd have appreciated it.

If you're bizzy class then honestly it's a different experience all together. Which airline? Some of them have a bar area that you can hang in as well. I'd definitely ask the check in if you can change, I don't think I've ever had a fully full cabin. It's not the flying I hate it's the actual stress involved of getting to the airport. Once I'm in that lounge with a glass of Laurent Perrier well. 🥂 I save hard all year for these flights and consider them a major part of my holiday - you will too!

the gp even private doesnt prescribe diazepam anymore (you'd have to have given me about 30mg anyway 😂) but the private gp does issue propranolol which is excellent. It takes away that surge of adrenaline-like butterflies but the bad version. Give them a try if you haven't already. Where are you going? 🌞

Very surprised if flying Friday and booking seats was today

Sept booking is offered when buy the seats

I usually book seats when I book the flight so for example im away now in tenerife and booked flights maybe nov time and also booked seats then

As wanted to sit by dh and mini blondes

Tbh I wouldn't swap with someone if I had paid for me seat and obv business class you pay for

We had a family yesterday when we flew here or hasn't booked and wanted to sit together and asking all the passengers to swap. Was a2 and 2

And people wouldn't

Sadly moral is pay and book for a seat if you have to sit by someone you want to

Saying all that flying is lovely but k hey some hate it so do talk to gp and get some drugs /help to relax

Business class you can book seats together as soon as you book. Depending on the airline and layout you won’t be close together anyway, the point of business is that you don’t directly sit next to other people.

Read Allan Carr - Fear of Flying, this book was a game changer for me.

I've flown business class once, and it messed with my mind as it didn't feel like being on a plane. Everything felt different, including take off and landing. I love flying but I think if I didnt, I'd love business class anyway. You'll likely a have aisle access so you can see your friend as and when you like once the seat belt signs are off.

Good luck, I hope you have a great trip.

I think if you explain on the day at the check in desk they will sort this out for you.

I've never flown business class so don't know if it's the same seat booking rules as economy ie you could have paid and booked specific seats earlier.

If you're asking your GP for something g I'd recommend Hydroxyzine, it's an old style antihistamine that works very fast, very calming, drowsy depending on the dose you take and is a recognised treatment for anxiety. Take at the airport and not beforehand tho, and start with a small dose - I take 25% of what I'm prescribed per dose and it does the trick.

You'd find me a nightmare on a flight tho, I love flying more than anything!

Surely you weren’t planning to talk constantly for the whole flight? The biggest draw of business class is the lie flat beds- you’ll be asleep a lot of the time anyway (plus other passengers will not be too impressed at constant chattering.) Just put on your headphones, make the most of the very good quality booze and, as others have said, you will have clear aisle access so you can wander over to see your friend whenever you need to (if she is awake).

I hate flying and last year we were on a very bouncy flight into Greece. People were sobbing and no passengers looked calm at all. I couldn't see the cabin crew because they were strapped in their seats.

What worked for me was practically hallucinating with tiredness because I hadn't gone to bed at all (6:30am flight, airport at 4am, still packing at 1am and thought sod it what's the point of sleeping now) and having a couple of g&t's so I was actually giggly rather than hysterical.

@Unopenedpackofmenssocks give over with your snobbishness honestly. What are you the business class police? For you the draw is the beds, not for others. Quelle surprise! 🙄 it's attitudes like yours which makes people needlessly nervous about what is ultimately a great experience. If I pay 3k one way then I am certainly not going to be sleeping! I am not rude, not at all. However if I want to talk all the way then talk I will. 👅 and ill be putting my Louis in and out of the overhead just to piss you off 🤣🤣 go to first if you don't want any commoners

In answer to the query about why we didn’t book our seats earlier…my friend booked the tickets and, in truth, I think she forgot about it until I messaged her this afternoon to ask about luggage allowances.

U OK hun?

You do certainly seem like someone capable of talking non-stop for 12 hours…

Why would pointing out business class is not a library mean I'm not ok?! Strange.

I had a terrible fear of flying (heart rate of over 140 while sitting down and waiting to get on the plane) - I started a new job in mid 2022 and I have had to fly long haul (14 hours plus) at least twice a quarter since then. What helps me is:

1. Alcohol. If you are flying business class you'll have access to a nice lounge with free alcohol. I never have more than 2 drinks before flying, but I find the 2 drinks take the edge of my anxiety
2. Sitting at the front of the plane - watching the cabin crew helps me, even during bad turbulence they always look very calm, which settles me down
3. I usually travel alone and when I do fly with my boss talking doesn't help much - getting lost in a movie really makes the time go faster
4. For me taking off is by far the worst part. I put a meditation soundtrack on my phone with ear buds and try to focus on that.
5. Sleep if you can - hopefully you will have a flat bed which makes sleep easier. Even if I fly during the day I try to only sleep a few hours the night before so that I can catch a film and then sleep the rest of the way.

I know how unpleasant a fear of flying it, nothing can really make it go away 100% but all the above makes it at least bearable, if not pleasant! Hope you find a way to still go even if your friend is not next to you.

Agreed. My GP did this for me.

Get yourself onto a fear of flying course. My friend finally bit the bullet and she said it was the best thing she could have done to get over her immense fear of flying.

Have you ever actually flown in BC? It’s full of people who are travelling on, you know, business.

It is literally lights out after dinner, and the cabin crew will ask you to keep your voice down if you are disturbing others.

Thanks so much all, there’s some great advice here. I already take 10mg of propranolol every day for anxiety so I’ll make sure I save it for take off. I’ll also be sure to have a few morning wines in the lounge pre take-off.