What if I can’t get on the plane?

[Northerngirl345]

My best friend and I are due to be flying long haul on Friday. I am a terrible flyer, it terrifies me, but I decided that if I booked fancy seats (business class) and could natter with my best friend the whole way - I’d be fine.

Well, today was the day to book seats and we can’t get two seats together. I’ve spent 2 hours on the phone to the airline and they say they can’t help. I even thought about upgrading to first class but this was going to cost £8k and they STILL couldn’t promise we’d be sat together as I’d have to pay before seeing what seats were available. I don’t actually have a spare £8k but I was tempted until I realised it wouldn’t solve my problem.

Now I just feel like I don’t want to go. I was already super nervous and this has pushed me over the edge.

My best friend flies alone all the time and can’t see the big deal. She thinks we’ll “laugh about this one day”.

Has anyone got any ideas to help me here?

YABU - suck it up and get on the plane
YANBU - cancel the trip / find a way to get 2 seats together.

I took a day flight just last week. Daylight the entire way as we were going West. Take-off, meal served, lights out for hours then a second meal before landing. In Business Class. Not saying talking wasn't allowed, obviously. But certainly discouraged.

The windows were automatically tinted to make it darker.

My God, don't even think about cancelling! This would be totally unfair on your friend.
Hope a solution can be found and that you enjoy your holiday.

A GP (even private) will not prescribe anything for flying anymore.

As others have said, depending on which business class you wouldn’t really be sitting next to each other anyway.

What airline is it OP? Many BC cabin layouts mean you are nowhere near your neighbour so would struggle to chat to them or hold their hand anyway.

Do either of you hold stays with the airline? If so try their dedicate phone line.

If not get to check in early and ask there. Then ask against at the lounge. Then ask again at the gate. If no luck then ask cabin crew in boarding. They will scope out the cabin when everyone's boarded and often upgrade a status passenger to First to allow people to sit together.

Too late now but I think you should take a Flying with Confidence course . BA run an excellent one .

I think you just needed the first word in point 1 and be done! It did make me laugh.

Seriously, alcohol makes you a great flier. Just get pissed, you'll be fine.

Friend pulled out after a flight after checking in. Just meant we were all delayed as they had to unload her back again and plane went without her. Nothing happened other than a delay for the flight. there were no repercussions for her for causing this havoc

Ask your friend to keep checking the website as we’ve often found that there’s some seat swaps in business class made in the last few days pre flight. Or ask her for the booking reference and keep checking yourself.

If you across the aisle it is hardly far. Keeping checking for availability as pp suggest but window seats are likely to be booked early. Don't cancel. Even on a day flight you can sleep.

Can I ask, how does diazapam actually affect people? How does it make you feel? I'm flying on Friday too and am just utterly terrified, I feel much worse than usual and I'm usually really scared. I used to take propranolol for general anxiety and it did help, but I'm not on it anymore. I was thinking about asking the GP for something today.

I don't want to not be able to look after my child if anything does happen, so wouldn't drink. (Will be with my partner as well though.)

If you can get a prime delivery, order the DARE response book and download the app.

I'm currently using it for exposure therapy for traveling out of my safe zone, and it's going well

I get quite nervous about the take off so in advance I watched as many YouTube videos as I could with pilots talking about what the different noises mean & to quash any fears about the aircraft you may have. I try to read during take off & not look out the window. I remember we had some turbulence during a flight once & I got v worried so I read a Mr Men book to DD to distract me. Once the turbulence was over she said to me "that was great!"

Lots of people confidently stating seats can be booked at check in - not possible for BA unless you pay, and sometimes it's a fair whack. Whether or not this should have happened is beside the point.

I'm sure once you're on the plane you can negotiate a swap. As someone else said, the seats are all pretty good so people are a bit more relaxed.

I'd swap with you if I was sat next to your friend. I'm sure other people would too.

Airline dependent obvs but a lot of the time the business seats are built with privacy in mind and you can barely see into the seat next to you, and you won’t be able to hold hands. My 2YO got loose during takeoff once and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it, so now I won’t do business class with kids between 2 and 4 now because you can’t see or touch each other when you’re in your own seat which is a nightmare for obvious reasons.

So actually I think OP this is a blessing in disguise as you will be prepared to sit on your own, not to get on the plane think you’re next to each but get a surprise when you can’t even see each other. But good luck. Hope the wine does the trick and you have a wonderful holiday!

I’ve never been on a long-haul flight that wasn’t lights out regardless of what time it was leaving. I’ve flown on flights that left in the morning and they still had lights out after the meal service. I suppose the exception might be if you’re flying in the daytime to somewhere like South Africa where the flight is long but there’s no meaningful time difference but if you’re flying east-west or west-east then most people will generally want to sleep because of the time difference.

I’ve never flown business class but the seats now on most long haul flights are mostly enclosed so that you can’t really see people in other seats. It’s a deliberate design feature. It is worth looking at whether they have a bar area where you could hang out with your friend for a chunk of the flight. Some airlines also have a feature where you can call other seats during the flight if you wanted to chat. Or you could buy in flight WiFi so that you can do the same.

I flew long haul with some very nervous fliers this year and they were both sick with nerves before the flight and then after about the first hour were fine. I think a lot of the fear is about being afraid or being afraid. Please don’t miss out on a great trip. There will be loads to keep you occupied during the flight and in our group the people with a bad fear of flying found watching the camera feeds from the tail camera really reassuring during turbulence.

Phenergan from the pharmacy if you can't get diazepam.

Hypnotherapy is also amazing for flying

Lots of correct information on this thread but a lot of utter bollocks too. I fly long haul business class regularly and I've never been on a daytime flight where it's 'lights out' after takeoff and you're encouraged to be quiet. To be honest it's normally fairly quiet anyway as most people have headphones on watching videos etc.

Depending on which airline it is the configuration and seat size means that you won't be 'next' to your friend anyway, or at least close enough to hold hands.

I hate flying but do it regularly. My advice is to embrace the fact that you're flying business as it's such a treat compared to economy. A couple of glasses of something in the lounge, then a nice relaxing flight with a big seat where you can watch a film or lie back in the bed and have a snooze. Some nice food (as nice as airline food can be!) and maybe a bar where you can chat to your friend.

Hope it goes well.

We fly business a lot and it is weirdly quiet, people don't really talk to each other!

People’s response to diazepam varies. Some people can take one and barely notice. Others will sleep for hours. If you’ve never taken it before, and have a child to look after, it’s too risky. And anyway, no reputable GP will prescribe it for flying now, as it’s against the guidelines.

Thank you, that's what I was worried about - I wouldn't take anything that might knock me out. Even wine makes me too sleepy 😂

I didn't know GPs won't prescribe it, everyone I've ever mentioned fear of flying to has told me to go to the GP for some diazepam.

Fellow nervous flyer here sharing what's really helped me - as well as Diazepam from the docs, in the run up to a flight I watch loads of fear of flying youtube videos, specifically ones presented by pilots. Most helpful is when they talk you through all the various pings, engine noises etc. Honestly turned flying from being an horrific once every 10 yrs ordeal to something I look forward to. Try 'Airplane noises explained by a pilot - full flight on youtube'. Enjoy your hols!!

I'd get to the check in desk early and then ask if there's anything they can do to get you next to each other. Remember that statistically, driving to the airport is far higher risk than the flight.

You have my sympathy OP although I love flying I'm absolutely terrified of the channel tunnel. Honestly I close my eyes, try to zone out and clasp DPs hand so hard you can see the marks - we don't use it very often - wonder why? I'm absolutely convinced we'll be simultaneously buried and drowned.

It's difficult because logically you and I both know thousands of people do these things every day but it's hard to let go of the fear but try to remind yourself that it's only for a few hours, there'll be lovely food and films to watch and it's a part of the holiday and you and everyone else are going to land just fine at the other end. Do tell the staff that you're nervous though they'll have dealt with loads of fliers who are stressed and will keep an eye on you. I keep trying to remind myself that the tunnel will come to an end and it's only temporary - phobias feel uncontrollable sometimes but we can get through these things somehow

Business class will be a nice intro to flying and I agree longhaul flying is a better experience than short haul.

Get some pills from the Drs (don't drink while at the airport/on the plane!)

Get there early, ask to swop, but I've found people in business class can be quite sniffy about swapping, don't get to hung up on that, speak to the crew when you're on the plane and they will look out for you.