What if I can’t get on the plane?

[Northerngirl345]

My best friend and I are due to be flying long haul on Friday. I am a terrible flyer, it terrifies me, but I decided that if I booked fancy seats (business class) and could natter with my best friend the whole way - I’d be fine.

Well, today was the day to book seats and we can’t get two seats together. I’ve spent 2 hours on the phone to the airline and they say they can’t help. I even thought about upgrading to first class but this was going to cost £8k and they STILL couldn’t promise we’d be sat together as I’d have to pay before seeing what seats were available. I don’t actually have a spare £8k but I was tempted until I realised it wouldn’t solve my problem.

Now I just feel like I don’t want to go. I was already super nervous and this has pushed me over the edge.

My best friend flies alone all the time and can’t see the big deal. She thinks we’ll “laugh about this one day”.

Has anyone got any ideas to help me here?

YABU - suck it up and get on the plane
YANBU - cancel the trip / find a way to get 2 seats together.

I too never liked flying and would get in a right state , actually balling my eyes out like a baby, putting nail marks in the DH hand , refusing to look out of the window etc

But fly I had too ( only cattle class ) and the fear slowly diminished so it was eventually only take off that worried me, and now thats gone

Whats helped is flying more often now. I live in NI if I want to visit friends and family still in England - got to fly and it really is just a commute , as boring and as mundane as getting on the tube . I get on, stow my carry on, seat belt on and close my eyes and thats it. I don't sleep, just close my eyes and rest and relax for the flight time. I actually prefer travelling solo and when I do fly with DH, we sit opposite sides of the aisle if we book seats and really don't care if on the occasions we haven't booked seats we are different ends of the plane

If I were ever to be as lucky to fly BC, I think the novelty of having leg room, a big screen, a wee toiletry bag, a mini bar of my own and food and drinks when ever I wanted would distract me enough for any residual fear I have to not to rear its head

Most stressful for me now is airports, bloody hate them. All the queuing , all the noise, the heat, the waiting about

Flying BC means you are going through the tunnel to board. I found flights I board like that easier to keep nerves at bay, a seamless walkthrough, no walking along the plane and standing out on steps

Elieza

What does he never cracked a light mean please? Google isn’t helping. Thank you.

It will still be lights out. You'll have your own reading light of course but they still tr to encourage sleep regardless of the time of take-off.

Are you quite mad?

You have to pay with any airline if want to sit together

IME business travellers tend to be made up of a lot of people flying solo / unless they have a empty seat next to them, they are very likely to agree to a swap as sitting next to one stranger is the same as sitting next to another.

No. Did you see my follow-up where I confirmed this was exactly my experience less than a week ago on a day flight in BC?

It might not be the case for every airline on every route but it's a strong possibility.

They made it artificially dark by tinting the windows and turning off the lights as soon as the first meal was cleared. Flight was East to West and daylight the entire way.

I've been on countless long haul flights and o have never once seen the lights dimmed or been encouraged to sleep during the day so it's also a possibility that this won't happen.

No. Did you see my follow-up where I confirmed this was exactly my experience less than a week ago on a day flight in BC?

Was the airline being run by Gina Ford?

My DD is cabin crew and she regularly has passengers who are terrified of flying. She's more than happy to reassure and keep an eye on them.

Also, have a drink or three in the airport and maybe you'll fall asleep for a big part of the journey!

I quite like flying (although long haul can be bum-numbing) but I always feel full of anxiety before the flight. On the way to the airport I try deep breathing. I can’t eat when I get there and I look round at other people just getting on with it and I wonder how they can. Once at the gate I sort of start to calm down and getting onto the plane is exciting because I feel so proud that I’m doing it 🤣 Try to sit in an aisle seat. You can have a good look around at what everyone is doing etc. Once the plane starts to move away from the terminal the excitement is overwhelming. Don’t give in and not go. Once you do that the fear will have got the better of you. Have a fab time x

I'd don't like flying either, but business class on long haul is completely different to short haul economy. You'll likely be in a little cubicle, where you disturb no-one, you have aisle access and lovely noise cancelling head phones. But do ask at check in if they can move you.

I flew to Buenos Aires last year (16 hours) and it was fine.

You’re not even really sitting next to people in long haul lie flat business. All very enclosed. The centre seats sometimes have a partition you can lower if you want to interact with a companion but it’s up and private by default. All seats have same access to the aisle.

OP, are either of you or your friend already in the middle section? If not, you are both going to have to move if you want to hold her hand.

If one of you is middle and one of you is window then you have a good shout at getting the person in the other half of the middle seat pair to swap, because window seats are slightly nicer and still have same access to the aisle.

I really sympathise op.

I think it’s better to disappoint your friend now than at check-in.

Those ashwagandha gummies are good for anxiety but try them first as they can cause nausea .

Not that I was aware of! It was slightly unexpected. On the way out I expected it because we left at noon but going East that quickly became a night flight. But it makes sense they want people to rest as much as possible so not that surprising that made a day flight dark too.

I think it's fair to say OP's flight could go either way.

I had diazepam prescribed and that was really helpful. But even more useful was a really good book, 'Flying with Confidence' by BA with info and practical suggestions. I was really sceptical but it was amazing - explained how a plane works, what most of the noises are, turbulence, and so on. It also had tips for reducing anxiety with breathing and muscle exercises. Because of that, I don't even always need the diazepam now. (And I used to be a shaking, crying, vomiting wreck on flights, so it really has effected a massive change.)

What a cop out, when I've known zombie mummies at the school gates whose GPs prescribed god knows what.

@DappledThings

But it makes sense they want people to rest as much as possible so not that surprising that made a day flight dark too.

I think it's fair to say OP's flight could go either way.

Yep, depends on the airline but you often get lots of connecting passengers in BC on many routes so to some extent it’s easier for the crew have to cater for those that want/need sleep.

Darned frustrating if you are one of the outliers who wants to enjoy the view - IMO tinted windows controlled by the cabin crew are the work of the devil….

Not true at all. I cannot remember the last time I've paid for seat selection in business class (though Lufthansa and Swiss, for example, have some seats that are an extra charge). Are there some airlines where most fares have an additional charge for seat selection (even in business)? Yes, absolutely (BA being one) but categorically wrong to state that "You have to pay with any airline if you want to sit together".

Hmmm. Go easy on the drugs and alcohol cocktail.

Can you get a nervous flyer ''lesson''? If too late for that, search YouTube for a video.

So many angry people on this thread, and with random axes to grind!

OP I got diazepam for flying from the doc last month. They help relax you as much as a glass of wine, roughly.

Long haul is much better than short haul, usually, as the planes are bigger and higher and seem more stable.

Tell the cabin crew you have fear of flying - they are usually lovely.

Frequent business class long haul traveller here. I've seen on more than one occasion people swap who are on their own. So it's worth scouting the cabin and asking if anyone would swap. In example two people were solo travelling sat beside one another and swapped.

DH, DS and me had 2 seats together and one across the aisle. It was £250 to choose seats and we thought we would risk it, in the knowledge they wouldn't separate DS from us as he's young.

Also most business class seats as others have pointed out are not that close together. There's so much to do flying business, three course meals that you choose from a menu, snacks that come round, the entertainment on board as you have in economy but with a bed, warm towel and complimentary Champagne when you get on. You don't need your friend there necessarily.

You are probably unsettled by today’s news OP. My take on it would be this- the turbulence was so severe that people were thrown up to the ceiling but the plane landed safely. The takeaway point here is that you should wear your seatbelt at all times, including when sleeping in a flat bed.

It does not mean that a plane is more likely to crash.

A flight back from Venezuela, that was like Alton towers ride. But we're still here. Kids thought it awesome