What if I can’t get on the plane?

[Northerngirl345]

My best friend and I are due to be flying long haul on Friday. I am a terrible flyer, it terrifies me, but I decided that if I booked fancy seats (business class) and could natter with my best friend the whole way - I’d be fine.

Well, today was the day to book seats and we can’t get two seats together. I’ve spent 2 hours on the phone to the airline and they say they can’t help. I even thought about upgrading to first class but this was going to cost £8k and they STILL couldn’t promise we’d be sat together as I’d have to pay before seeing what seats were available. I don’t actually have a spare £8k but I was tempted until I realised it wouldn’t solve my problem.

Now I just feel like I don’t want to go. I was already super nervous and this has pushed me over the edge.

My best friend flies alone all the time and can’t see the big deal. She thinks we’ll “laugh about this one day”.

Has anyone got any ideas to help me here?

YABU - suck it up and get on the plane
YANBU - cancel the trip / find a way to get 2 seats together.

It's lights out after dinner in economy too you know

Honestly? I used to be an incredibly nervous flier and it was when we were coming to Switzerland so the flight couldn’t be avoided (after that, I didn’t fly for eight years). My husband took £100 with us and when we got on the first part of the journey where we weren’t seated together, he offered £100 to each of the people seated next to me. Obviously one took it, happy ending, hooray. I recommend trying to exchange like for like. So if he has a window seat, offer the window seat person £100 to move to another window seat, ESPECIALLY for middle seats.

Flying long haul is different to ryanair or easyJet. Thank goodness! You don't normally pay for seat reservations on long haul flights and you often can't reserve seats until check in. Also there may well be seats together available when you get to the airport even if not showing on the online booking system. That's my experience anyway. Get to check in reasonably early. As others have said I would watch a few films rather than chat for hours, enjoy the free food and drink etc. Long haul is far more pleasant than budget airlines.

Well exactly. So mystified why PP would think it’s party city in business?

Oh god do not offer people flying business 100quid to change seats!

Send an email now.

Arrive at check in early. Even if it's baggage drop only try and speak to a person. Explain your situation and ask if they can move people around so you can sit together.

Failing that, just ask people on the plane sitting next to one or other of you. I've been on both sides - asked people to move and offered when I saw a child being seated alone.

If there are people travelling on business they probably won't care where they sit.

Failing all of that explain to the cabin staff who may be able to offer a solution. And if they can't they'll do their best to look after you.

You'll be fine! I speak as a highly nervous traveller.

Take noise cancelling headphones and get stuck in to the movies.

I feel that I need to point out it’s a daytime flight leaving first thing in the morning so there won’t be any lights out!

And, when I say “chatting” to my friend, I mean holding her hand when I’m scared and talking quietly….not shouting across the aisle!

How long is the flight and where are you going? Also what's the flight configuration and how far apart from each other are you sitting?

I hate flying but diazepam and wine and I practically enjoy it! In fact it relaxes me so much I am not almost not afraid at all. Speak to your doctor

A few travel sickness pills. They knock you out.

who said anything about a party? If chatting is your idea of partying then I feel sorry for you 😂

@PrincessTeaSet not at all. I've done oz and Dominican so 18 and think 10hrs and both times could book seats

As op said her friend didn't book seats when booked tickets

Sadly if want to 100% seat together you book and pay for seats

You’re being unreasonable as you can book seats much earlier and didn’t - so it’s no surprise they are all booked

Are there any premium economy or extra legroom seats available that you can book?

Which airline is it?
In a lot of business class seats you can’t hold hands with anyone or even chat to them easily because there are partitions between the seats, They are like mini cabins.

You could go to the gate as soon as it opens and speak to the staff there

It will still be lights out. You'll have your own reading light of course but they still tr to encourage sleep regardless of the time of take-off.

I'm astonished that if you bought business class seats some time ago you have only just now been able to reserve seating. Are you sure you didn't miss it at the time of booking? Even for economy in long haul I have been able to reserve for free at the point of booking. That mighr explain why there's not two seats left together.

You can ask on the day and they light accommodate but I think it's a lot harder in business class for staff to ask people to move because of the price paid.

Sorry just saw your update that your friend was in charge. That's a bit of a let down for you OP as I suspect she's messed up by leaving it

Most NHS GPs will not give diazepam for flying anymore.

I have copied the following from a GP website. You might find a private doctor who is willing. But it is definitely not recommended.

*Prescribing these drugs is not recommended any more for these reasons:

1. Although plane emergencies are rare, taking Diazepam reduces awareness and reaction times for patients so you risk not being able to react to save your life if you have to escape quickly. You may also put other people in danger by getting in their way or making them help you.
2. The use of these drugs can make you sleep in an unnaturally deep sleep. This means you won’t move around as much as during natural sleep so you have a bigger risk of getting a blood clot (Deep Vein Thrombosis – DVT) in the leg or lungs. Blood clots are very dangerous and can kill. This risk is bigger if your flight is longer than 4 hours.
3. They have short term bad effects on memory, co-ordination, concentration and reaction times, and are addictive if used for a long time, with withdrawal leading to fits, hallucinations, agitation and confusion. They have also become widely used drugs of abuse since they first came on the market. Diazepam in the UK is a controlled drug. The prescribing guidelines doctors have to follow say that that use to treat short-term ‘mild’ anxiety is inappropriate. They are only to be used short term for a ‘crisis in generalised anxiety’. But if you are having such a crisis you are not likely to be fit to fly. Fear of flying in isolation is not a generalised anxiety disorder.
4. Some people get agitated and aggressive after taking diazepam and similar drugs, and behave in a way that they would not normally, which can pose a risk on the plane. This affects everyone’s safety and could get you into trouble with the law. A similar effect can be seen with alcohol, which has led to people being removed from flights.
5. There is evidence use of these drugs stops the normal adjustment response that would gradually lessen anxiety over time, and may increase anxiety in the long term, especially if used repeatedly.
6. Diazepam and similar controlled drugs are illegal in a number of countriesi. They may be confiscated or you may find yourself in trouble with the police.
7. Diazepam stays in your system for some time. If your job or sport needs you to have random drug testing you may fail this having taken diazepam.
8. It is important to tell your travel insurer about your medical conditions and medications you take. If not, there is a risk of your insurer not paying if you try to make a claim.

So we will no longer be providing Diazepam or similar drugs for flight anxiety. Instead please try one of these aviation industry recommended flight anxiety courses.*

I used to be a very nervous flier, putting nail marks into the hands of my friends/ family and crying. I am much better sitting alone, as I am too inhibited to inflict these behaviours on a stranger. Meds and one alcoholic drink helps too

What's the layout of the plane? If you're okay sharing, what airline and what plane type? In some cases, non-side-by-side seats are actually still good for those flying together.

I find that business class often has a lot of solo travelers, so you can also try asking especially if you are asking for a like-to-like switch if possible or, if you're on a plane with 1-2-1 seating and one of you is in one of the window seats (i.e. a 1) and one is in one of the centre seats (i.e. a 2), if I was traveling by myself in one of the middle seats (i.e. one of the 2s), I'd actually love to change with you (I always try for the 1s, but my flight next week, I booked late and I'm in a centre seat, so I'd jump at the chance to change, actually). I know that people have differing opinions on this, but I personally find asking about changing fine as long as you ask knowing that you are asking for a favour and make it clear that a "no" answer it totally acceptable.

Sorry, no really good advice on medication for nerves. But for trying to change seats:

1. Keep checking (on-line if you can or call daily)
2. Do online check-in as soon as it opens and see if there are seats together available. If not, check periodically since people will change seats when they check-in and/or cancellations happen.
3. At airport check-in, ask again and/or keep checking the app
4. Ask at the gate after the flight closes (usually 1 hour before flight time) as people who booked flights and choose seats but didn't check-in are "kicked-off". Try to do this as close the one-hour mark as possible (before possible upgrades from economy to business).
5. Try to board as soon as you are allowed (not suggesting jumping the queue, just it's your turn) as if you want to ask others if they are willing to switch, much easier before they've settled into their seat.
6. Very, very, very kindly ask about switching (or ask the FAs to help you)

Also, I'm assuming that you're not planning on screaming when you have your conversations. I fly international business at least monthly (and all over the word). It is not a mausoleum. Talking with your partner is totally fine, especially if not an overnight flight (and often people are coming in from different time zones, so day/night are a bit fluid). Heck, Qatar advertises their Q-suites as a way to get business done while flying.

Just to chip back in, up until a couple of years ago I used to fly business class a lot (maybe once a month). I would happily have swapped seats if asked nicely (much happier to do this in business where I’ll still have a decent seat rather than economy where I’ve carefully chosen the least worst option!), and while night flights are quiet, day flights are just…normal. Lower noise level than economy but that’s because the majority of business passengers are on their own. The ones who aren’t do talk to their loved ones as normal!

No, it won’t and most people will have their window blinds up so it will still be light even with the lights out. I swear you’re just making these things up 😂. I fly business class with my husband fairly often and of course people are having normal conversations, I’ve never heard anyone being told to be quiet, how utterly bizarre. You usually can’t even really hear other people talking due to distance between seats, background engine noise and the free noise cancelling headphones they provide.

Get Glenn Harrolds Fear of Flying cd/download. I used to hate flying but I got this when I was going to Australia and realised I didn't want to be terrified/drunk for 24 hours! I did 14 flights last year.

I specifically said that people would be asked to keep their voices down if they were disturbing other passengers who were trying to sleep on a night flight. This is based on decades of business travel. Nowhere did I say that anyone would be asked to be quiet during the day.