What if I can’t get on the plane?

[Northerngirl345]

My best friend and I are due to be flying long haul on Friday. I am a terrible flyer, it terrifies me, but I decided that if I booked fancy seats (business class) and could natter with my best friend the whole way - I’d be fine.

Well, today was the day to book seats and we can’t get two seats together. I’ve spent 2 hours on the phone to the airline and they say they can’t help. I even thought about upgrading to first class but this was going to cost £8k and they STILL couldn’t promise we’d be sat together as I’d have to pay before seeing what seats were available. I don’t actually have a spare £8k but I was tempted until I realised it wouldn’t solve my problem.

Now I just feel like I don’t want to go. I was already super nervous and this has pushed me over the edge.

My best friend flies alone all the time and can’t see the big deal. She thinks we’ll “laugh about this one day”.

Has anyone got any ideas to help me here?

YABU - suck it up and get on the plane
YANBU - cancel the trip / find a way to get 2 seats together.

Why ask "Why are we all caught up in your drama?" Only you know why you clicked on the thread and read it.

Get good noise cancelling headphones and have a happy playlist running.
The headphones provided in business are often pretty good so use them for take off, drowning out the plane noise makes a lot of difference.

Op, I heard this stat: more people die in trouser related incidents than in airplane crashes. Your anxiety is trying to protect you, but maybe digging into the facts will help?

Or see here for some more: https://www.travelstart.co.za/blog/6-ridiculous-things-more-likely-to-kill-you-than-a-plane-crash/

And if even rationally/statistically knowing you’ll be ok doesn’t change things, then I do think hypnotherapy is great as a pp said. Good luck!!

I travel a lot with work and fly business- 9/10
I swop my seat so people can sit together- most people are solo flyers in business so don’t mind swooping, the seats are all largely the same!

DO NOT CANCEL the flight will be fine and you’ll never get over it if you don’t start flying. I was a phobic flyer so totally get it- I did the virgin fear of flying course and it changed my life!

Yep….I always look at the reaction of the crew too.

OP I’m so pleased you managed to get the seats you wanted.
DH works for an airline and he said their cabin crew would always want to know if they have a nervous flyer on board, it helps them be prepared in case the passenger becomes upset (not saying you would but they can be bearing it in mind) and they would make sure you have any support you need, even if you hadn’t had your friend with you. So think about letting them know when you get on board, they will take really good care of you. I hope you enjoy your trip and it gives you a bit more confidence for the future.

She's booked business class.

I hated flying Op and my GP wouldn't prescribe anything. I've found 3 things have helped...
Try and fly as much as possible, I know this isn't always practical, but look for shorter city breaks, I flew 6 times in one year and it really helped. Feel the fear and do it anyway type of vibe.
This book also really helped reframe things for me, you essentially invite the anxiety... and it really works! I've suffered on and off for 20 years and have read 20+ books, this is the one that helped the most... https://amzn.eu/d/iQeKsgj
Wine! Just 2 glasses if I am feeling nervous still and I'm fine, don't need to get drunk but a couple of drinks to take the edge off.

When booking on line, you can do seat select immediately.

I feel for you, I absolutely hate flying. I tend to pop on my headphones, close my eyes and pretend I'm anywhere else!

I was terrified of flying for years (particularly take-off). My daughter send me this video explaining what all the scary noises are. It has really helped! I hope it may help you too. https://www.tiktok.com/@riyadhkhalaf/video/7347818941085011232

@Northerngirl345 My son was so terrified of flying that even the thought of it made him need to rush to the loo.

He had to fly from LHR {London Heathrow} to New Zealand for their ''Year out''

The doctor prescribed Valium.. DS took it, {he doesn't drink alcohol} and was zonked for the flight.

His partner took a pic on the long haul flight... they basically had the plane to themselves!! loads of room to stretch out ..Cabin Crew suggested it.

But the Long Haul cured DS {so far at least! }of his very real fear of flying.

Once you have done LH, you can face anything .

Have a lovely time, Northern girl.

As for people saying ''You won't get sedatives from GP''..they can and do prescribe a very few for air travel.

They are addictive, hence reluctance, but a couple won't cause addiction.

I fly ultra long haul between UK and Aus/NZ regularly both economy, business and First. I can categorically say that ex Dubai to SYD or AKL on 12-16 hour flights, irrespective of the light outside, the cabin falls to darkness within 3 hours of departure. Cabin crew will insist on shades down on an A380 or the Dreamliner they auto dim the windows.

Medium long haul eg LON to SFO or Singapore they usually keep with the daylight/night outside rhythm.

Diazepam or 2 x antihistamines plus gin.

I'm surprised at people advising alcohol as well..{Maybe that is why there can sometimes be belligerent drunks on planes?}

A Valium alone is plenty.

You might ask your GP if you can take more propanolol on the day- 10mg is a tiny amount. My daughter takes 60mg twice a day for anxiety.

Alcohol is definitely a pain on flights- or rather..Drunks.

Glad you got it sorted OP.

I've only done one round-trip in BC and it was fantastic. LHR to Seattle last autumn with BA was great. We didn't manage to get window seats but had 2 together in the centre. When we got to the BC lounge at Heathrow and asked if there was any chance of window seats, the lady tried really hard to swap but couldn't. DH actually was rear-facing; we could drop the screens and chat for a while. The flight was mid-morning and after lunch, they did darken the windows and turn off the lights - it was a Dreamliner so crew can do that. After all the free alcohol, I took advantage of the bed and had a good sleep. The crew were lovely. I hope you have a fabulous time.

Also, to those disputing the cabin lights going off, when DD flew to Tokyo in 2022 departing around noon, the lights were dimmed after the first meal was served. She was WhatsApping from the plane saying it was night, but she was flying over Greenland and it was definitely daytime. DH pointed out about the windows dimming, something she hadn't encountered before.

Good advice. Captain Tom Bunn LCSW of fearofflying.com is helpful.

Valium from your dr. 2mg every 4 hours. And a glass of bubbly.

This would be my suggestion. You could almost certainly take Propranolol 40mg up to 3 times a day.

Perhaps it depends on the airline but I've flown long-haul many times, BA, Virgin, Tui, Thomas Cook (when they were a thing) and you definitely can pay for the privilege of choosing your seats in advance. I'm going to the Caribbean in August with BA, booked the holiday in November and paid an extra £300 in total to pre-select our seats. I'm travelling with DS13 and wanted to be sure that we are together and have the seats with just 2 in a row rather than 3 so that we don't have to climb over/keep getting up for a stranger. I have to be honest and say that I wouldn't swap if asked.

The doctor prescribed Valium.. DS took it, {he doesn't drink alcohol} and was zonked for the flight

Which is, in part, why it's no longer prescribed. If you're so sleepy that you're incontinent / don't move around / can't safely get off the plane on landing / can't get up to let anyone passed you if you're middle or aisle seat etc etc, then you're an absolute liability.

Can you get some otc anti-anxiety remedies, if your GP won't prescribe diazepam? If your GP is willing, I'd really try to get the diazepam though.