What if I can’t get on the plane?

[Northerngirl345]

My best friend and I are due to be flying long haul on Friday. I am a terrible flyer, it terrifies me, but I decided that if I booked fancy seats (business class) and could natter with my best friend the whole way - I’d be fine.

Well, today was the day to book seats and we can’t get two seats together. I’ve spent 2 hours on the phone to the airline and they say they can’t help. I even thought about upgrading to first class but this was going to cost £8k and they STILL couldn’t promise we’d be sat together as I’d have to pay before seeing what seats were available. I don’t actually have a spare £8k but I was tempted until I realised it wouldn’t solve my problem.

Now I just feel like I don’t want to go. I was already super nervous and this has pushed me over the edge.

My best friend flies alone all the time and can’t see the big deal. She thinks we’ll “laugh about this one day”.

Has anyone got any ideas to help me here?

YABU - suck it up and get on the plane
YANBU - cancel the trip / find a way to get 2 seats together.

I too am a nervous flyer, so I completely understand. As others have said, try to get to the airport early and speak to a member or airline staff, I'm sure they'll help if they can. I get valium on prescription from my GP - this really takes the edge off. Maybe you could discuss it with your GP? Good luck, and please don't let your fears stop you from flying.

If you can't get seats together, explain to the person you are next to that you areca nervous flyer and would they mind holding your hand for take-off and landing. I'm sure they won't mind. Enjoy your holiday, the flight is just a short part of it....

Huh?! I cant work out if this was a joke or a serious suggestion. Just in case- OP don’t do this.

I had hypnotherapy for my fear of flying- worth every penny. I had a few sessions but some therapists advertise relief in just 1 session! Last time I took off reading a book 😂

You will be fine - ask at the desk prior to boarding they may be able to juggle but also in business .. well .. you’ll have a lot of solo travellers travelling with work .. who won’t care if they swap their seat so you could just ask nicely if they would mind swapping and I’m sure you can sit together. You’ll be fine.

What else are you doing to help with your panic? A friend takes Valium and listens to meditation tapes in advance of flying.

Some business class configurations are not twin seats either..

personally I would seek out proper medication rather then rely on wine for long haul. As the alcohol wears off your anxiety will increase with a vengeance. I just arrived home from a flight that was re-routed due to turbulence and although I have a strong stomach, had I consumed several glasses of wine, I think the seat would have been wearing it.

Have a discreet chat to the cabin crew when you get on board, and try and board earlier rather than later. When I’m working and someone tells me they are afraid of flying, I always do my best to look out for them and reassure them. I also alert other crew members and if we can get other passengers to swap seats around to accommodate we do try - although not always possible! The flight crew are usually happy to come down and chat to you as well, they are incredibly reassuring and can explain what happens in the air which makes it easier too. The further forward you are, the less bumpy and noisy it will be so hopefully this will help! Please do be careful when taking any medication and mixing it with alcohol and please don’t get drunk before you fly as you could be refused boarding. Breathing exercises and a nice meditation podcast are also great ideas! For future reference a fear of flying course is absolutely worth - they are brilliant, from what I’ve heard and I’ve had many passengers tell me about how they are now more relaxed about flying. Remember that flying is the safest form of transport too!

Diazepam washed down with a vodka. It will be ok. This is what my sister does she is terrified of flying !

If you both have business class seats - it really shouldn't be difficult to swap.

There's no such thing as a middle seat in business class.

But you knew all this. Why did you leave it last minute to book seats? And why book when you knew the seats weren't together?

Or did you not book? If so don't book.

Why are we all caught up in your drama? We can't hold your hand for take off.

And NHS rules have changed - It's unlikely you'll be prescribed sedatives by your GP.

This. I get a prescription for a few tablets every time I'm flying and it works.

Go to the airport early, try to get seats together. As well there might be a passenger ready to swap on the A/C.

My sister always has done, but has today been told that they no longer prescribe them for flying

Private GP, job done

Ex-cabin crew here.
As others have said ask at check-in and again on the flight, ask the crew but also just ask other passengers if you need to. Tell the crew you’re a nervous flyer.
PLEASE do not mix alcohol with sleeping pills or any other medication; these cases have resulted in some really awful situations onboard (think passenger stripping naked and dancing round cabin, passenger urinating on another passenger thinking she had made it to the bathroom, getting aggressive with crew etc.) You do not want to be this person!!
The general rule is ‘one in the air equates to three on the ground’ so drinking a large wine when flying can effect some people to the equivalent of how they would usually feel after drinking a bottle…

Try not to worry though, sure someone will swap seats so you can be together. Relax and enjoy!

of course you’re all caught up in my drama….this is mumsnet 😉

Seats weren’t allocated at the time of booking about 8 months ago…I don’t think the plane itself had been allocated.

There is a middle (ie. Not window) and we’re not sitting near to each other.

Hello all - thanks for the amazing advice!

For those of you panicking that I had plans to get out of my tree on Valium or Diazapam…I’m almost as scared of drugs as I am flying, so that won’t happen.

Anyway, I took lots of people’s advice to keep checking and 2 seats together are now available so I have moved myself and my friend. Hurrah!

So hopefully a few wines & some hand-holding and I’ll be fine.

As if they switch lights off during a day flight. I travel regularly in business class with DH and the kids (business class isn’t just for people in business) and for work. People talk… and most people don’t sleep during the day.

OP best of luck. Have a few drinks and watch a movie. If take off is the worst then make sure you watch a movie or listen to music and meditate

I've flown biz class lots for work and have swapped a good few times on request from other pax.
You won't have a problem I think asking for a swap at the check-in desk but even if you do then on board you should be fine.
Just make sure you're offering the better of the biz class seats to the person swapping. If one of you has an aisle and one middle on a different row for example (like the older BA cabins) then offer to the other adjacent t middle person the aisle. The regular travellers usually like specific seats so check "man at seat 61" website and make sure you're not asking someone on the better seats. Look out for a woman like me travelling alone, I'd gladly swap especially if you say you're a nervous traveller

Oops just seen latest update. Well done OP!

Go to the doctor. Get some valium to fly. It was the only way i could get my DH on a plane for a long time. Hes fine now and over it all

He also listened to self hypnosis podcasts which really helped

As if they switch lights off during a day flight
You're right, I must have completely imagined that happening just last week with the windows being automatically tinted, lights off and all the staff speaking only in whispers during a day flight in Business Class. Never happens.

Agree with you on that.

A lot depends on the route, timings, maybe the airline etc but yes the cabins do tend to get darkened to at least some degree, even on daytime flights..

Thanks. Clearly I should have said they might turn the lights out rather than they will as different routes and carriers will vary but the scoffing that it's ridiculous it would ever happen is inaccurate too.

can you ask your GP to prescribe you some diazepam, just in case you need it?

oh, just seen you don’t like meds, ignore!

Get hypnotherapy. I was terrified of driving. After 3 sessons I passed my test and drove just fine. It was a miracle for me.