Should I speak to the wife 6 years later?

[Anon31483]

I 37F was with someone 39M for 3 months when I found out he was married with a kid on the way. I found out it wasn't the first time he cheated during their relationship either. He cheated also before they got married. The guy is a compulsive liar. The reason I didn't speak then was that his wife was pregnant with their kid and I didn't want to cause any harm. Now I found out they had a second kid who is one. I myself moved on of course and my own kid.

However my conscience has been eating me up all these years. Should I speak up anonymously?

No.

No. I’m not denying a twat but leave well enough alone. You will only be assuaging your own conscience and no one will thank you for dragging this up now. You didn’t know he was married and this wasn’t your fault so move on with your head held high and take comfort from the knowledge that you had a lucky escape from this knobber.

If you were going to speak up then it should have been at the time.

There’s no point bringing it up now and if you do, I think she won’t believe you or believe crazy stalker story that he’ll feed her.

Why would you muck rake like this six years after the event?
Leave them alone.

I always find the use of the word "kid" quite odd in this context.
I had a kid....sounds a bit contrived

Don't be ridiculous!

And what's with the '39F' business? 🤦‍♀️ This is Mumsnet not Reddit!

If you have 'moved on' why are you still thinking about this?

You have no issues of conscience if you were not aware he was married.

You would be an absolute drama llama to rake this up now.

Thank you!
I don't like the Reddit look either.

Nope

Good god no. Don't be daft.

If he's a cheat and a compulsive liar then she probably already knows.

If you don't feel like saying anything 6 years ago then you definitely shouldn't say anything now. You say you've moved on. Maybe you haven't moved on as much as you think.

No.

Nope. The horse has well and truly bolted. If you speak up now, not only will she probably not believe you, her husband will likely love the fact you're still thinking about him six years later.

Well, the reason I didn't speak then was because she was pregnant. I'm not sure if I'll do it and honestly I don't think like she knew anything at all as he was a very good liar.

But why are you thinking about doing this?

It was years ago, you say you have moved on - what on earth would be the point?

Look to your own life and focus your energy there.

You haven’t moved on at all, op.
You need to.

Why though? There’s lots of unsaid things I would like to say to a range of people but I don’t because of a combination of time having passed, not wanting to rake over old coals, not wanting to upset or offend.

I can’t see how this would help the wife in any way. Let this sleeping dog lie.

You did the right thing at the time, and you should of done something then, but you haven't there two kids deep, leave it

Because I let someone walk away without consequences and also lead on a pregnant woman and me and who knows who else. The guy is a pathological liar and even lied about his health to gain my sympathy. I have been wondering from time to time if I did really the right thing

Only tell her if you have undeniable evidence. Otherwise you're just making her life into a head fuck where she doesn't know what's true.

After six years you need to get over him.

He's obviously over you and whatever kind of cheating bastard he might be, he is still married to his wife. I doubt he gives you a second thought. You will just come across as jealous and bitter if you try to interfere with their lives now.

Stop tracking his life and concentrate on your own. Only then will you be able to forget him and move on.

I dont think you understand. I don't want him or have feelings for him. Obviously if he does this on a regular basis he is used to it. I dont care if he gives me a second or a third thought. I'm just wondering what is right. Obviously I know that not speaking up is the most convenient thing to do but it doesn't make it right.

No. It’s too late now.

No

Do you know for certain that he has never confessed?
Do you know for certain that they haven’t had counselling and resolved it between them?
Do you know for certain that he is still cheating and putting his family at risk?

Unless the answer to all three is “Yes” leave well alone.